


Anything for a Quiet Life

by HarkaSun



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alec Lightwood Has Anxiety, Alternate Universe - Coffee Shops & Cafés, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, BAMF Magnus Bane, Barista Alec Lightwood, Biker Magnus Bane, Budding Director Alec Lightwood, Canon-Typical Violence, Dating Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Decidedly NOT a Slow Burn, First Dates, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, Homophobic Robert Lightwood, M/M, Mafia AU, Mafia boss Magnus Bane, Magnus Bane Is Quite Magical, Major Character Injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-07
Updated: 2020-04-03
Packaged: 2021-02-27 15:40:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 41,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22159489
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HarkaSun/pseuds/HarkaSun
Summary: Stuck working at his sister’s café in downtown Brooklyn, Alec Lightwood submits under the demanding wishes of his medieval-minded parents, until an over-dressed biker that Alec has been avoiding for years finally catches his eye. Magnus Bane is a riddle wrapped in an enigma, and, while Alec himself is hardly an open book, he is determined to understand Magnus and his mysterious past.In which two tightly-wound men from drastically different worlds uncover one another and may just discover themselves along the way.
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood
Comments: 159
Kudos: 458
Collections: Best Malec stories





	1. The Barista and The Biker

**Author's Note:**

> Finally got an AO3 account and this is what I christen it with. I apologise. For Useless_Noodle, who won't read it but who bullied me into posting it.
> 
> Updates will hopefully be weekly ( between every 5-10 days). I'm doing my best so no one should fault me.

It has gone like this for days now and Alec can’t stand it much longer.

Whatever had possessed him to get into business with his sister was surely due to a higher power with an ineffable plan. Alec couldn’t fathom why else they would deem to torture him like this. They are trying to tempt him and it is definitely working. God—or whoever was up there pulling the strings—knows that Alec can’t avoid temptation forever.

The motorbike pulls up outside his sister’s coffee shop, _Little Bella,_ every day at exactly five to twelve. It has been happening for so long now that Alec can’t remember the first time he saw the rider. All Alec knows is that, every day, Isabelle serves the rider coffee, flirts over the counter, and Alec makes sure he is tending to the machines—his face hidden—or scurrying into the back room in some feigned excuse.

If it was a woman, he might be okay.

It isn’t.

Alec can’t risk having to serve him because he knows he would be staring like he stared out the window every day when the man parks his bike. He knows he would blush and stutter and ruin everything, and the man would look at him in disgust in the realisation that Alec is enamoured with him, a man.

Alec hasn’t told his family that he is gay. Isabelle would give him this look sometimes when Alec gazed a little too long at a pretty boy, like she knew all his secrets, but she never said a thing. His father would never approve. Robert Lightwood never admitted to being homophobic, but he would make a passing comment here and there that causes Alec to flinch like the words have physically struck him.

Besides, Alec cannot hope to out himself by use of a boyfriend, especially with this particular man. The man calls Izzy ‘ _Bella_ ’ in a soft Italian accent and tells her that it means beautiful, that it was a fitting name for her café. _Little Beauty_. Sometimes Alec wonders if he is actually Italian, but his usual voice doesn’t suggest it. He sounds American, but seems Asian in appearance and apparently speaks Italian. Perhaps his mystery is what drew Alec to him.

Either way, Alec knows he can never approach him. Isabelle is the confident one, sharp-witted and clever and quick to flirt even when she has no interest or intention of a relationship. She has had countless boyfriends and one-night-stands. At twenty-three, Alec is still a virgin and, in his rational mind, he knows there isn’t anything wrong with that—that he is still young and has plenty of time—but being the eldest sibling of two notoriously promiscuous individuals doesn’t exactly solidify that mindset.

Alec huffs and glances to his watch. Anxiety pricks his gut as he sees it is ten to twelve. Just five minutes to go.

He hurries out onto the floor, grabbing a tray as he goes, weaving between tables and collecting empty mugs and cleared plates. A young woman waves at him from over a half-finished latte and he casts her an absent smile. She flutters heavily made-up lashes and smiles shyly into her drink, and Alec moves on with his task. He thinks nothing of it.

As he is walking back, wandering to the back room and depositing the dishes beside the sink, he hears the familiar rev of a motorbike and practically sprints back to the front. Turning back to fumble with wiping down the machines, he doesn’t notice that Isabelle isn’t there. Not yet. He’s too busy angling his head to stare out the front window.

The bike has pulled up outside.

The helmet is prised off with bejewelled fingers and Alec leans back a little for a better look. The man runs a hand through his hair and it lifted perfectly as always through his fingers. Alec doesn’t know what hair product he uses, but it must be expensive to be so good at what it does, always sculpting the locks so perfectly under his touch. He left the helmet on his bike and swung a leg over to saunter across the pavement and into the café. The bell chimes softly at his entrance and Alec quickly turns back to the machines. His heart is pounding and he takes a steadying breath to calm himself.

“Hello?”

Alec’s brow creases and he turns to see the man stood on the other side of the counter, white teeth casting him an easy smile. It is now that he realises that Isabelle isn’t there. _Damnit,_ thinks Alec. _She must be taking her break._

“Uh, hey,” greets Alec, smoothing down his shirt and clearing his throat anxiously. “Sorry. What can I get for you?”

The man’s smile changes slightly and there’s something flirtatious about the cant of his lips. His tan skin glows beneath the artificial café lights. “I’ve been wondering what you looked like. Only ever see the back of your head when I come in here... Kinda feels like you’ve been avoiding me on purpose.”

Alec gapes a moment, his mouth opening and closing like a drowning fish, and he stammers in the beginnings of an attempt at explanation. The man simply waves a hand, cutting him off. His irises are sparking playfully, enhanced by the dark makeup he always wears around his eyes.

“Don’t trouble yourself, pretty boy. I’ll just take a coffee.”

Alec bites the inside of his cheek, typing the order into the register. “You want anything with that? Milk or sugar?”

He doesn’t even need to ask. _Coffee, one sugar, double cream._ He has heard the man’s order so many times when he has rattled it off to Isabelle every past day. Alec privately thinks that the man might think him a little stalker-ish if he didn’t even check. After all, Alec has never actually served him before.

“One sugar, double cream,” says the man, as expected.

“Alright, anything else?”

“Do you drink coffee?”

That, Alec had not been expecting. Alec blinks hard and glances up at him. “Uh... yeah.”

The man waits, his smile growing by the second. “Okay, you’re clearly quite innocent in these matters, so let me spell it out for you... Do you want to get coffee with me? In a different coffee shop, obviously. My treat.”

Alec hesitates. “Why...?”

The man chuckles and leans up against the counter, reaching to tap the name tag on Alec’s chest. “Because, Alec, I think you’re very attractive and I find your coyness incredibly endearing. I want to see you again. Not from behind, at least not right away.” He gives a suggestive wink, but Alec had to take a moment to register what he was getting at. “You in?”

Alec swallows and, after a moment to process that this man was asking him on a date, gives a shaky nod. “Yeah, okay... I—I have a half hour free at one tomorrow.”

“Oh, half an hour isn’t much time at all,” says the man.

“I know, but I really need to be working as much as I can... We’ve got a lot of debt to pay off.” Alec huffs and punches the final keys into the register. “It’s... It’s three dollars. For your coffee.”

The man smiles and digs a hand into his pocket, passing three bills over the counter. “That was a yes for our date then?”

Alec smiles shyly. “I don’t even know your name.”

“It’s Magnus.”

“Magnus,” Alec repeats, testing how it feels. “Okay... I’ll get you that coffee.”

He can feel Magnus’s eyes on him as he turns around, grabbing a mug from the stack and shifting it under one of the machines, pressing a few buttons.

“How about sushi?” Magnus asks.

Alec manages to shrug somewhat nonchalantly. “I’ve never had it.”

“Oh, well, we’ll have to rectify that then.” Magnus speaks easily and confidently and Alec is certain that his cheeks are bright red now. Thank god his back is turned. “Tomorrow. One o’clock. Okay?”

Alec adds a packet of sugar and two spoons of cream to the coffee, stirring slowly with one hand, moving the other to his cheeks, feeling how hot they are while trying and failing to make the movement as subtle as possible. “Yeah,” he says and he hopes he sounds as calm as he is pretending to be. “Sounds good.”

He turns and is again dazzled by Magnus’s incredible smile. Alec can tell just by looking that Magnus isn’t even trying. There’s no effort in his flirtations. He must have done this a thousand times before. Alec wonders if he would bother if he knew who he was flirting with, if he would waste his time and God-given charisma if he knew that Alec had absolutely no idea what he was doing.

Alec sets the coffee down for him and Magnus takes the handle, his fingers brushing against Alec’s skin when the barista pulls away. The touch sends a shiver right through his veins. He is touch-starved. Alec has known that for a while. Magnus just smiles again and Alec feels as though he might combust on the spot. He is certainly sweating, but he can blame that on the steaming machines.

“Tomorrow then,” Magnus repeats and Alec nods dumbly in agreement.

The eyes Magnus rests on him are almost gold under this light, dark and soft, and Alec knows in his heart that he is entirely and unmistakably screwed.


	2. Thirty Minutes of the Rest of Your Life

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's first date will be no more than half an hour long. He only has to make the effort to be charming and confident for thirty minutes. How hard can that be?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick but meaningful thank yous to @DreamingDays and @TeraBum for your kind comments, and everyone who left kudos or bookmarked. The attention is very much appreciated.

It is one o’clock on the dot when Magnus pulls up outside on his bike. Alec unclasps his name tag with trembling fingers and grabs his jacket from the chair.

“Taking my break,” he calls into the back room, an absent reply from Isabelle clearing him to leave.

Almost an afterthought, Alec plucks one of the flowers from the vase on the counter and tucks it into the waistband of his jeans. A smooth-stemmed rose, pink petaled and barely in bloom. It feels too intimate. He pulls on his jacket on the way out, feeling his cheeks flush when Magnus does his usual helmet and hair routine and turns to smile at him.

“Alexander,” he greets, dismounting his bike and meeting Alec on the pavement. “Are you ready?”

Alec eye linger on Magnus’s jacket, high-collared and trimmed with gold embroidery and it takes him a moment to remember how to speak. He swallows past the nervousness threatening to choke him. “Uh, almost,” he says, fumbling a little and reaching to his waist.

In his peripheral, Magnus tenses. The movement doesn’t go unnoticed by Alec and he hesitates for a microsecond before pulling out the flower and holding it in front of him. Much to his relief, Magnus’s alarm is replaced with soft eyes and a fond smile. Alec swallows hard and gestures it a little and Magnus takes it between his fingers, admiring the soft, silky bloom.

“You’re an odd man, Alexander,” he says and Alec’s heart sinks right down into his stomach. God, of course he would screw it up before the date even started. Half an hour. Thirty minutes, that’s all he had to get through.

“I’m sorry, I just... I called my brother, Jace, and he said all this stuff about flowers—”

Magnus shakes his head and lifts a hand to grasp Alec’s arm, squeezing gently. “Don’t apologise... It’s lovely.” As if to prove his point, he tucks it into a button hole of his jacket, directly over his heart, casting Alec an almost coy smile. “There.”

Alec’s throat is tight. “Looks good on you,” he manages to compliment.

Jace had mentioned that too. ‘ _Girls like compliments_ ’ he had said when Alec asked for his advice on dating, ‘ _so make sure to give her lots of attention’_. Magnus certainly is not a girl, but Alec assumes it would still apply. Everyone likes to feel good about themselves. Surely it shouldn’t be any different for men.

“Come on then,” says Magnus briskly and Alec falls into step beside him as he begins walking down the street. “I’m expanding your culinary pallet today, Alexander.”

Alec glances at his watch. “Remember I’ve only got until half past. I don’t think we have time to sit down and order something.”

“Not to worry,” Magnus soothes easily. “I ordered ahead. It should be waiting for us there.”

He veers abruptly and Alec finds himself facing a little Japanese place just a few shops down from the café. It is the kind of shop that he knew the existence of, but would never think of entering. It had always looked a little high end for him. He regrets not dressing for the occasion, although it isn’t exactly fair with Magnus beside him, outshining everyone for miles.

Magnus holds the door open for him and Alec silently curses because that is on Jace’s list too. He supposes it doesn’t really matter who did what, but he had wanted to make a good impression.

The restaurant's interior is decorated with a beautiful hand-painted mural of a waterfall, halfway in and halfway out of the water. There are fish painting the water part—the lower half—of the wall, multi-coloured scales shimmering with the slightest shift of movement from Alec. The place is well lit and fairly busy, and Alec feels a little out of place as he spots a table of business partners laughing over plates of fish and rice, two old women in a heated discussion about Brooklyn crime statistics, a couple sharing food from the same plate (and, as it turns out, the same fork).

A boisterous call has Alec focusing and a well-built man in an apron comes to vigorously shake Magnus’s hand. He speaks fast and excited and in a language that Alec can’t hope to understand, let alone name. However, the man is of Asian heritage, the same as—so Alec assumed—Magnus. Due to the restaurants culture theme, he makes a guess at the language being Japanese.

Magnus replies in the same language, a soft chuckle in his words, and the man gestures frantically as he walks further into the restaurant.

“He says the table’s ready,” Magnus relays to Alec, leading him after the man.

The table, as Magnus had put it, is a secluded semi-circle booth right next to a full-wall fish tank housing seemingly an entire ocean worth of fish. There is a large plate already out in the middle of the table, a centrepiece of crab and lobster surrounded by a circle of sushi pieces. The man ushers them into the booth and, once they have sat, claps Magnus on the shoulder, murmuring something in his ear and giving Alec a suggestive look.

Magnus clicks his tongue. “Behave,” he chides the man, who merely laughs and leaves them to their meal.

Alec finds that he rather likes sushi and, when expressing this aloud, Magnus gives him a pleased kind of smile and Alec suddenly feels comfortable. Despite the fancy restaurant and its rich patrons, Magnus’s smile feels like home, feels familiar and warm and Alec never wants him to stop. Somehow, he is even more beautiful when he smiles.

Magnus plucks a piece of sushi from the plate, handling the chopsticks expertly. “Tell me about yourself, Alexander,” he murmurs, gesturing vaguely with the sushi. “How did a pretty boy like you end up in a minimum wage job as a barista?”

Alec huffs and picked idly at the crab cake with his fork. He doesn’t have Magnus’s mastery for chopsticks. “It’s my sister’s café. My mother asked me to help her when she found herself short-staffed.” He chuckles mirthlessly. “By short-staffed, I mean it was just her. She’s pretty heavy in debt from taking out a loan to pay rent on the café. I’m not actually getting paid. Izzy needs all the money to pay off the bank.”

“Which bank?”

Alec tells him and Magnus chews thoughtfully a moment, squinting at the tablecloth and swallowing easily. For a moment, Alec thinks he might push the bank details, but he doesn’t. “Surely you have dreams of your own. I’m guessing you didn’t wish to be selling coffee for free your entire life.”

Alec clicks his tongue and lifts his eyes to Magnus’s. “It’s what my mother asked me to do... and I’m happy to help Izzy. She’s my sister.” His shoulders move in an absent shrug. “Once she’s back on her feet, I’m supposed to take over my father’s business. He runs an insurance company.”

“A desk job?” Magnus laughs at that and Alec frowns softly.

“What’s so funny?”

Magnus shakes his head, still chuckling absently. “Oh, I’m sorry, Alexander. I just didn’t get that sense from you. Cooped up in an office all day telling people off for not reaching their targets.”

Alec hums and ducks his gaze. “I suppose...” He opens his mouth to continue, but shakes his head and takes a piece of crab. “It’s stupid.”

“Alexander,” says Magnus and Alec blinks and swallows hard. “Nothing you say could ever be stupid to me.”

Alec hesitates and takes another forkful of crab, chewing on it almost absently. “I studied film at college... I told my parents I was doing business studies. I did a few short clips with friends in drama, just stuff for the school.” He slowly lifts his eyes to Magnus’s. “What I really want to do is to direct films... I’ve done a few short films, but they haven’t gotten too much attention.”

Magnus smiles and reaches across the table to clutch Alec’s hand. “You’re an artist,” he says, enthusiasm bright in his eyes.

Alec swallows and heat pricks his eyes simply because no one has ever said that to him. He blinks hard to avoid tears. There would be nothing more embarrassing than crying on his first ever date. He doesn’t want Magnus to think of him like that, like he's weak or soft, that he would burst into tears at someone giving even the slightest hint of his worth.

“I’ve upset you,” says Magnus, realisation dawning in his eyes and shadowing his energy. “I’m sorry.”

Alec shakes his head. “No, no, you didn’t. It’s just... No one’s called me an artist before, it felt... it felt good.” He breathes out something reminiscent to a laugh. “Not that its necessarily true. I don’t even know how to get there—to directing films I mean. I suppose I’ll just have to wait and hope that someone influential sees one of my projects and happens to like it.”

Magnus regards him a long moment. Alec eats a little self-consciously while Magnus stares, anxiously meeting his date’s curious gaze.

“What?” asks Alec, wiping a thumb to the corner of his mouth.

Magnus shakes his head. “It’s nothing.”

Alec swallows and nods to Magnus. “What about you?” he asks. “What do you do?”

Magnus hesitates a moment. “Well, _I_ actually did take over my father’s work,” he says after a long pause. “He gave out loans, took interest in a lot of businesses, ran security on the side… Left me with a ton of mess to clean up if I’m honesty. I considered quitting, but I knew the people who would’ve taken over would take advantage. All my father’s friends are assholes.”

Alec frowns and leans forward. “You’re using past tense.”

“You’re a sharp one,” Magnus chuckles, stops and waves a hand when he sees Alec looks a little taken aback. “Forgive me. I’m sorry. I’d rather not speak of my father if it’s all the same to you. It’s a… a sensitive subject.”

“I’m sorry,” says Alec, mentally kicking himself for already ruining this. He only had to make it through half an hour and he couldn’t even manage that. “I didn’t mean to—”

Magnus shakes his head and waves a dismissive hand. “Think nothing of it, Alexander.”

He changes the subject quickly and Alec is happy to oblige, not wishing to say anything to upset Magnus any further. It wasn’t sadness he had picked up from Magnus, however, it was bitterness. Apparently, Magnus’s father isn’t, or wasn’t, a particularly savoury character. Alec can definitely relate.

They get through the rest of the meal without further incident. Alec even manages to make Magnus laugh a few times with his dry humour. When they’re done, Magnus pays the bill, waving Alec off when he tries to take out his wallet.

“No, Alexander. The first date is always paid for by the one who initiated it. Common law.”

Alec frowns and wonders if that’s true or if Magnus is just hyperaware of Alec’s financial situation. Alec is ashamed of that sometimes. His father gives him only enough to survive. Alec is completely reliant on his charity; another reason why he can’t escape his family duty. Honestly, he isn’t sure he could pay even if Magnus allows it, but paying for dinner had been on Jace’s list.

Magnus, gentleman that he is, walks him back to the café. When they get close, Alec grabs him before he can go inside. Turning to him, Magnus’s brow creases in a frown and Alec swallows and releases his arm.

“Uh, I… I haven’t told my sister about…” he gestures absently to himself. “About me… so, can we…?”

Realisation dawns in Magnus’s eyes and he nods slowly. “Oh… yes, of course. I understand. Will it be too difficult with me coming to the shop still?” He tilts his head and Alec catches his breath at the soft worry against dark gold irises. “I would like to initiate a second date if you’d allow it. I’d never say anything to your sister, you understand, but if you think it would be easier—”

Alec shakes his head. “No, Magnus, it’s fine. I just… I need to tell her before she sees me with you like this. I’ve been meaning to do it for ages. I just…” He takes a shaky breath and glances up to Magnus warily. “I’d like to see you again too. Can I get your number?”

Magnus smiles and cants his head a little. “Of course, Alexander.”

He takes a pen from his breast pocket and uncaps the lid with his mouth, holding it between his teeth and taking Alec’s wrist. Alec almost wrenches away he is so startled. Magnus slots their palms together and holds gently as he writes down several digits on the back of Alec’s hand. Something is added underneath that Alec can’t see from this angle.

When it’s done, Magnus sticks the pen lid back on and pockets it, allowing Alec his hand back. A series of printed digits and, beneath, a small dash followed by the letter’s MB and a tiny doodle of a rounded heart.

“MB?” Alec asks. “Magnus... what?”

“Bane,” replies Magnus, casting Alec a soft smile. “My full name... Magnus Bane.”

Alec’s throat sticks when he tries to speak. He doesn’t even know what he would say in response to that. When he tries to remember what Jace told him, all his memory comes up with is ‘ _if she looks at your lips after the date, make sure you kiss her. If you don’t, she’ll be really disappointed and won’t think you’re serious_ ’. It isn’t easy when all of Jace’s advice is for women. How is Alec supposed to know what applies to men and what doesn’t?

“And you?” asks Magnus and Alec takes a moment to realise what he’s asking.

“Oh, it’s… it’s Lightwood.”

Magnus smiles at that and his tongue darts out to wet his lips. If Alec believes Magnus to be capable of it, he might perceive the action as nervousness. “Alec Lightwood,” he utters and he is positively _staring_ at Alec’s lips. “You will call me, won’t you? I’m trusting you by not taking your number too. I expect a call, pretty boy.”

Alec opens his mouth to speak, but the words don’t come out as he planned. They don’t come out at all. His body is moving and his lips are on Magnus’s and he’s kissing him. A hand comes to hold the side of his neck and Alec pulls away, swallowing hard and just breathing and he knows he should open his eyes, but he can’t seem to manage it.

“Alec…”

“I’m sorry,” says Alec, blinking his eyes open to find Magnus gazing up him with such fondness that Alec could have cried for the second time that day. “I… I’ve never… I’ve never done that before, I don’t know…”

“Alexander,” Magnus coaxes when he trails off and doesn’t continue. “Are you saying you’ve never kissed a man before?”

Alec hesitates. “I’ve never kissed _anyone_ before,” he admits and Magnus looks a little surprised by that before his expression melts into softness.

“Well, I’d never have guessed,” he says and Alec smiles and a blush warms his cheeks. “You know… I’ve never met anyone like you, Alec Lightwood.”

Managing a breathy chuckle, Alec scuffs a shoe against the ground. “Bet you say that to everyone,” he utters and forces himself to meet Magnus’s eyes. “I—I’ll call you after work if you like.”

Magnus smiles. “That sounds wonderful.” He leans forward and kisses Alec, properly this time, uninterrupted, and Alec is fairly certain he’s going to melt. When Magnus pulls away, Alec smiles and ducks his head. “I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Five to twelve.”

Alec nods, repeating the words absently— _five to twelve_ —and watches Magnus get back on his bike, stepping forward as he pulls out of park, staring off down the road even as the rumble of the engine fades in the hum of Brooklyn traffic. Alec lifts a hand and touches his lips in wonder. He smiles absently to himself before firmly lowering his hand, tongue darting out to wet his lips and to dispel any lingering taste of Magnus’s own.

He turns back into the café, shifting his sleeve to cover the numbers Magnus had left on his hand, anticipation brimming in his stomach for the end of his shift, when he would be allowed to hear Magnus’s voice again.


	3. Two Men, Two Worlds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A look into Magnus's day to day life—a vague briefing of his career—and a new development in Alec's stringent work routine. Featuring the two very opposing sides of Magnus Bane.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amazed by the response to this honestly—I’m not used to attention. Thank you so much to @slryan05, @coffeeandfanfiction, @TeraBum (again!), and @master_girl for your incredibly kind comments on chapter 2, and to everyone who left kudos or even just gave it a chance.

Alec keeps texting him and Magnus would never have it any other way.

Magnus is sat in the VIP booth of his nightclub. Pandemonium is something that is his own, something never touched by an outside influence like his father or his work. Strobe lighting flashes blue and purple and pink on and off, reflecting off jewelled throats and fingers and waists as people mass together on the dance floor. The music pounds through the floor and thrums through his body and Magnus nurses a dry martini in one hand. He is alone.

In the past, he would have been surrounded by admirers, exotic dancers and models and suchlike, and he would have revelled in their attention. Today is different. Today, it has been a week since he and Alec went on their first date.

They had left it at one date, but they have seen one another almost every day when Magnus came to get coffee. With Isabelle out of the loop, they were forced to keep it under wraps. Despite that, Magnus would cast Alec a flirtatious smile when Isabelle wasn’t looking and, as much as Magnus knew he tried, Alec could never quite manage to fight the blush down.

Alec has scheduled another for tomorrow, surprising Magnus by taking initiative so early in their relationship. Alec is not an experienced man. Magnus knows that and, despite Alec’s barely voiced fears, he doesn’t mind in the slightest. He gets the impression that Alec is a quick learner. There is something admirable about Alec’s adaptability that just piques Magnus interest in him even further.

Alec is different, reflects Magnus as he is scrolling back through their texts from the last couple of days. Magnus has been with virgins before, just one or two, but they just wanted him for sex, to lose their virginity to an experienced man. In the limited time that Magnus has known him, Alec has never even hinted at wanting to sleep with him. Alec had given him a flower on their first date. In Magnus’s mind, it didn’t get much more innocent than that.

“Magnus!” a voice yells for him and he glances up lazily.

Raphael is stood before him, a measured look in his dark eyes. He is dressed in his usual dark clothes, navy button-up shirt, black jacket and jeans, and Magnus looks him up and down, unprepared to be disturbed by anyone, including a boy who had practically become his son over the years. Despite only being nineteen, Raphael had become an apprentice of sorts to Magnus. He expects the boy to take his duties when he retires.

Magnus really hopes to make it to retirement; the sooner the better.

“What is it?” he asks, his query faltering when two of Raphael’s people haul a man into the VIP lounge. “Ah… this is our bank friend I suppose. I did ask you not to bring my work life here, Rafe.”

Raphael hums, gives a non-committal shrug, and watches as the man is deposited on the seat across from Magnus. Magnus takes his time. He sips at his drink, swirling the contents absently. The man across from him is sweating; Pandemonium’s pulsing lights catch the sheen across his forehead.

Usually he doesn't like to handle problems face-to-face—he prefers not to have people know him directly—but this one is important. This conversation has to be his.

“Mr. Bane, I—”

Magnus lifts a sharp hand, fixing the man with a glare to silence him. He says nothing, but he doesn’t need to. The music blares and the man across from him is silent. Magnus finishes his drink. He leans forward to set the glass down on the table, slowly moving and draping a careless arm across the back of the leather sofa. He tilts his head in a gesture and the man quickly stands, almost tripping over himself in his haste to sit beside Magnus.

“Sir, I can explain.”

“You’ve been cutting the time for you debtors to pay their loans back,” Magnus says lazily, turning his head to give the man his attention. “I assume Lorenzo wants to collect on real estate when the businesses fall through. You see, those are _my_ businesses. I invested good money in those people and their dreams, but you know that, don’t you?”

The man squirmed uncomfortably under his steady gaze. “He… He threatened me.”

“I highly doubt that,” says Magnus casually. “You see, Lorenzo is a rat. Rats do not give threats. They hide in the shadows until something snaps, and then they take advantage of the natural order.” He clicks his tongue disapprovingly. “You’ve been staring too long at a rat and forgetting about their predators.”

“Sir—”

“Cats do not threaten either. If they want something dead, they kill it and then it isn’t a problem any longer. Are you understanding me?”

“Yes, sir. I—I can assure you that you don’t need to… to do anything rash.”

Magnus stares at him. “Rash,” he repeats, deadpan.

The man swallows and glances nervously to Raphael, who just seems bored at this point, leaning one shoulder against the back wall. He’ll get no help there. Magnus considers using this as a valuable teachable moment, but he knows that won’t get him far in the long run. His reputation will be safe if he lets this one go.

“Not only do I want you to revert back to the original deadline, I want you to extend it,” says Magnus. “A gesture of good faith. You can have one of Raphael’s people as muscle if you fear Lorenzo’s retaliation, but you will give your clients more time to repay their debts. If even one of my investments falls through, I will know who to come to.” He quirks a close-lipped smile. “Does that sound fair to you?”

The man nods eagerly, dropping to his knees onto the floor and reaching for Magnus’s hand. He jerks it away before the man can kiss his knuckles.

“Get up,” he snarls. “I am not my father. I will thank you not to treat me as such.”

The man scrambles to his feet and gives an uncertain kind of bow before Raphael’s people take his shoulders and haul him out of the area. Magnus watches him be escorted from the club. His eyes narrow in irritation.

“Only my father would have men kiss his hand like a damn king,” he complains bitterly.

Raphael hums and glances to the side, to where the man had been escorted out. “I’m glad you’re asserting your dominance, but you need to be careful. If you piss Lorenzo off—”

“I can handle Lorenzo,” says Magnus, waving a dismissive hand to his prodigy. “Now, go on. I know you have things to do.”

“And you have to get back to that new toy of yours.”

Magnus shot him a warning look. “Be careful of the kind of language you use around me, Raphael. I am fond of your wit, but there are limits to my tolerance.” A glare struck his expression and something shifted in Raphael’s easy charm. “I trust that I will never hear you discussing details of my private life again.”

A steady understanding dawns on Raphael’s face. “Okay,” he says. “This one’s different. You care about him. I understand.”

“Do you?” Magnus snaps, rising to his feet and coming close so he could lower his voice for Raphael’s ears only. “Do you understand that if anyone hears of this, I would lose everything? _We_ would lose everything if Lorenzo heard even the slightest hint of weakness from me. They would use Alec to get to me and I will not let him be involved in this. I won’t let him see that side of me. Ever.”

“How do you expect to keep this from him?” asks Raphael, canting his head. There is no disrespect there, just concern. “You have disguised yourself from the law, from the world. You’ve kept this family together after your father threatened to tear it apart. You kept us safe, Magnus. How can you hide such a large part of your life from Alec without your relationship falling apart?”

Magnus swallows hard. “You know his name.”

“You’re my family. I know _you_. Admittedly, it took me a moment to connect the dots, but I don’t see why else you would frequent downtown so often. Little Bella, huh?”

Magnus glances away, sighing slowly. “You hold my life in your hands, Raphael… I trust you with this. No others.”

“I know. I won’t tell a soul. You have my word on that.” Raphael clutches his arm, his eyes narrowing. “Be careful, Magnus. If anything were to happen to you—”

“The family would move on,” says Magnus. “You would take over; the whole chain would move up.”

Raphael shakes his head. “That isn’t what I meant… I don’t want to see anything happen to you. I know we call this a family, but you truly are. You’re the closest thing to a father I’ve ever had. You cared for me when no one else did, you took me in, raised me.”

“Yeah, I raised you in this life,” Magnus utters, clicking his tongue in soft disdain as he glances around his club. “This. It’s no life for a child. You could’ve been…” He sighs and shakes his head. “You could’ve been so much more, whatever you wanted to be… I’m sorry, Rafe. I should never have brought you into this. That was selfish of me.”

Raphael frowns. “Magnus, why are you saying all this now? It’s been years.”

Magnus huffs and forces a smile, forces down his insecurities and his many regrets of past actions. “I’m just being morbid, my boy. Don’t worry.” He claps Raphael on the shoulder, squeezing once in gentle emphasis. “Go on now. I’m sure you’ve got things to be getting on with. I won’t keep you… but, please, don’t bring people here again. I need to stay under the radar. Now more than ever.”

For a moment, it seems like Raphael might argue. Then he just pats Magnus’s upper arm and turns, stalking his way out of the club, weaving through the writhing mass of dancers. Once he disappears, Magnus waves the bartender and gestures for another drink.

It could end up being quite a trying day.

* * *

Alec gets to leave early for the first time ever.

Isabelle had received an email from the bank, extending her repayment on the loan by a considerable time with no major added interest. She let him clock out at four and Alec left her to tie up the loose ends, planning on calling Magnus. Maybe he was being too eager. He didn’t see a problem with wanting to spend time talking to Magnus.

His boyfriend—if Alec was permitted to label them—hadn’t turned up at the café today like he usually did. Alec had puttered around anxiously waiting for him, but after half an hour, he had given up hoping to see Magnus today. He had called in his break, but it rang for a while and then went to voicemail. Alec didn’t leave a message.

When he steps out onto the street, four o’clock instead of six, he takes out his phone.

“Alec.”

The voice is smooth and steady, but it sends Alec’s heart fluttering like a butterfly in a net. He turns to see Magnus leaning up against the wall of the building adjacent to the café, a lit cigarette between his lips. Taking a long drag, he prises it from his mouth and exhales long and slow, a cloud of smoke rising up into the air.

“Hey,” says Alec, coming up to him. “I didn’t know you smoked.”

Magnus ducks his eyes and sighs softly. “It’s just been one of those days,” he mutters, flicking the half-finished cigarette to the concrete and snuffing it out under his heel. “It’s a crappy habit, I know. I’m sorry. I’m trying to stop.”

Alec shakes his head, trying to let Magnus know that he doesn’t mind, but more concerned with what has the man so down. “What’s happened?”

Magnus shrugs and seems to force the smile that twitches his lips. “Just things at work. Some of my father’s old business partners trying to muscle into the company… I’ll handle them, but these people… they’re stubborn. It’s a… competitive work.” He huffs and absently twists one of the rings on his finger. “It’s fine. It’s just a bit stressful right now.”

“Can I do anything?” asks Alec and Magnus glances up at him, something fond softening his eyes.

“You are doing something,” he says, reaching to take Alec’s hand and squeezing gently. “Just being here… That’s more than enough. I know you had a date planned for tomorrow, but, after today… I wanted to see you.”

Alec ducks his head, willing himself not to melt at Magnus’s endearing words. Magnus cants his head and seems to relax a little, gesturing widely to his bike, beautiful and sleek just like Magnus himself.

“Care for a ride?”

Alec feels the blush against his throat but he forces a casual smile. “I don’t know... My mother always said she’d kill me if I ever got on a motorbike. Says they’re too dangerous.”

Magnus grins and holds a spare helmet out to Alec. “Well your mother isn’t here... You’re perfectly safe, Alexander.”

Alec bites his lower lip and ducks his head as he takes the helmet. He feels like a teenager—how Jace described what being a teenager was like. As the eldest, Alec never had the luxury of going off the rails as his siblings had done—with Jace travelling for most of his late teens and Isabelle getting fifty piercings, dying her hair hot pink and flitting between boys like a hummingbird to nectar. They could each commit twenty murders and Robert and Maryse wouldn’t bat an eye. All the pressure to be mature was on Alec.

Now, he puts the helmet on and lets Magnus help him onto the back of the bike.

“Put the visor down,” Magnus orders, turning back to guide him. “Hold on tight.”

“To what?”

Magnus smiles and flips his own visor down, turning back to grab the handles and rev the bike. As he pulls out of park, Alec finds himself with little option other than to just grab Magnus’s hips and hold on tight, and then Magnus is taking then through the crowded Brooklyn streets, slipping in between stationary vehicles with swift ease.

Alec chuckles into his helmet, unabashedly wrapping his arms more comfortably around Magnus’s waist, leaning in close so his chest presses against the riders back.

“Where’d you want to go?” Magnus calls back at him, and Alec hadn’t even considered a destination.

“It doesn’t matter,” he replies, voice raised just enough for Magnus to hear him over the traffic. “Anywhere.”

Magnus seems to accept that, and takes the next turning south. They ride for a while and Alec, for the first time in his life, has no responsibilities. All he has to do is hold Magnus. His mother would surely yell herself hoarse if she could see him now. His father might go as far as disowning him on the spot. They couldn’t see him, however. Alec was free.

They ride for about a half hour before Magnus begins to slow, clearly searching for a spot to park. They are on Shore Road. Magnus pulls up beside the park, wedging his bike between two cars and stilling the engine. He removes his helmet and runs a hand into his hair, and Alec does the same, tousling his unruly locks, anxious to remain suitably attractive to Magnus.

“Why’d you pick here?” asks Alec out of nothing but curiosity, looking around as he pushes himself off the bike.

Magnus follows his gaze, something soft about the look in his eyes. “It’s beautiful, don’t you think? I used to live here before I downsized to my apartment.” Alec moves to walk beside him as Magnus starts wandering down the street. “One of my previous relationships. It ended well, mutual on both sides. I left her the house. She has a daughter now.”

Alec didn’t quite know what to say to that. Apparently, Magnus could sense this, and he cast Alec a soft look as they turned to wander into the park.

“I’m sorry, I suppose you wouldn’t want to hear about that. I don’t frequent this place with my dates if that’s what you’re worried about… I just like the green areas by the water. Reminds me of home…” Alec caught Magnus give their surroundings a wistful kind of look before clearing his throat quietly. “Besides, I thought you might appreciate a bit of nature after being cooped up in the shop all day.”

“Where’s home?” queries Alec, following Magnus as he sits on the grass, against the trunk of a thin tree.

Magnus picks distractedly at the grass. “A little island in Indonesia… I left shortly after my fourteenth birthday. Ran away if truth be told.” He gives Alec a sad little smile. “My mother had just died, you see. I wasn’t… particularly well-versed in handling grief.”

“I’m sorry,” says Alec as gently as he can. As much as he complains—as silent thoughts—about his mother, he can’t imagine losing her so young.

Magnus lifts one shoulder in an absent shrug, a movement so unlike him that Alec has to resist a frown. “Just one of those things, right? We can’t look back if we want to keep moving forward.”

Alec hesitates, pondering over that particular sentiment. It is a peculiar thing to say. Alec doesn’t believe in denying the past or forgetting its occurrence. As difficult as it can be, it shapes the present. Alec doesn’t know who he would be without his past and, regardless of whether or not he would be improved, the uncertainty of it scares him.

They talk for a while, moving on to better conversation. Alec tells Magnus about the extension on the Isabelle’s loan and Magnus gives him this reserved kind of smile, fondness soft in his eyes. There’s something strange about this reaction, but Alec doesn’t dwell on it. On a day like this, he doesn't want to dwell on much.

The sun is shining and Magnus smiles at him and dark gold irises glow under the natural light, and Alec never wants to go back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To clarify: Magnus is a boss


	4. The Docks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Date number three. Alec is on a budget and gets a bit insecure, leading to him finally opening up to someone about his childhood. A promise is made.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @Terabum, @Ello2jen, and @master_girl for your comments and to everyone who left kudos on the last chapter!

Alec takes Magnus to the docks for the first date he has control over. It was their third date, just a single day after their trip to Shore Park.

Magnus doesn’t complain or query the entire time, even though Alec is sure that he’s used to much more splendour than a cheap date like fries on the docks. It’s all Alec can afford. He doesn’t get paid for working at the café, and he lives hand to mouth on his father’s allowance. As little as he knows about Magnus, Alec is pretty sure he is at least modestly wealthy. His clothes, his hair products and his bike tell him enough.

As always, Magnus looks incredible. His hair is streaked with crimson to match his jacket, his eyeshadow a soft powdered red, stark in contrast with black eyeliner. He clearly made a special effort for this date and Alec feels so guilty for wasting his time and amazing fashion sense.

Regardless, Magnus laughs at all of Alec’s snarky quips and smiles at Alec over their shared takeout as they sit on the edge of the docks, shoes and socks piled beside them as their toes skim the water. It’s freezing and probably filthy, but Alec doesn’t care. As soon as Magnus had seen the ocean, his eyes had lit up and he had been pulling at the laces and buckles of his boots. When Alec questions him, he talks a little about his home, saying that, as a child, he had barely been out of the sea.

“Sounds nice,” says Alec, squinting out at the rapidly setting sun. “Lots of places to explore, I bet. Little islands and coves.”

Magnus hums and takes another French fry. “What about you?” he asks between chews. He clearly doesn’t want to linger on the conversation about his home and Alec isn’t about to argue. “How was your childhood?”

Alec shrugs. “Uneventful. Grew up outside the city: White Plains. My parents still live there, dumb little cul-de-sac where all the houses look exactly the same.” He huffs and rubs the back of his neck. “I had it better than most. Dad always said the house had been in our family since it was built. I don’t know why he was proud of that.”

Magnus watches him curiously. There is a strange look in his eye, like he can see into Alec’s mind, read all the thoughts that he isn’t saying aloud, all the things that would make his life seem tragic to an outside eye, but was probably just Alec being too sensitive. His father always said he was too sensitive.

“There’s more to you than just a pretty face, isn’t there?” Magnus says, absently splashing a foot in the water.

Alec frowns and glances to him. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean… I think you might be sad,” says Magnus hesitantly, lifting his gaze to Alec’s. “Deep down, under all that rough cover… I think life gave you a bad hand.”

Alec clicks his tongue, shakes his head. “Can’t complain.”

“You can,” insists Magnus. “Don’t push it down, Alec. It’s not healthy… It’s good to have a rant every now and then.” He clicks his tongue and gives a small shrug. “Someone once told me… you need to be honest if you want a relationship to last. I guess they had a point… If it’s meant to be, we can work through it.”

Ducking his head, Alec stares at the tiny waves lapping against the dock. His feet are pale in the water. “I guess I’m just… scared of ruining this. I’ve never been in a relationship before and I have no idea what I’m doing.” He glances to Magnus, his eyes flitting up and down his elegant form, black jacket with patterned red, a silver chain around his throat, stark against the dark shirt. “I know you’re… way more experienced than I am. Not that there’s any problem with that.”

Magnus just stares at him, attentive and silent and listening to Alec speak. Alec isn’t used to talking for so long without being interrupted; he honestly can’t remember the last time he got through a monologue like this. When Jace was around, he would be the talkative one, the one Maryse and Robert would dote on every time he came back from months away in some exciting, foreign continent.

Alec would love to travel, but his father only used his money for Jace and Isabelle’s enjoyment. Alec lives only at his father’s mercy. In his private, darkest mind, Alec believes his father isn’t paying for Isabelle’s café just to spite Alec by making him work there for free. He had sensed Alec getting restless and had given him an order to stay in the city. Maybe Alec hates him a little for that.

“Look, I just… I don’t know how to not screw this up. I think I just need… a little more time, before I get into the depths of my weaknesses.” He grimaces softly as Magnus turns his head to gaze out over the water. “I’m sorry, I just… I want to go slowly with this. I don’t know if that’s how relationships are supposed to work, but I think that’s how I need it to be.”

For a moment, Magnus says nothing. The fear that he is pushing Magnus away rises in Alec’s stomach, but then Magnus is reaching behind his neck and unclasping the chain. It pools in graceful loops in his hand and he holds it out to Alec.

“Take it,” he says.

Alec hesitates. “What…? Why?”

“It’s me making a promise,” Magnus says, taking Alec’s hand and gently pressing the chain into his palm. “Take this. You don’t have to wear it, but take it.”

“What does it mean?” asks Alec, unfamiliar with courting techniques.

Magnus smiles faintly. “It means… that whatever problems we face, I will do everything I can to make you feel at ease in this relationship. I will not abandon you. If you want out, you can give it back, and I’ll know what you mean. You don’t have to say anything or explain why. Just return this chain, and you’ll never see me again.”

“But I don’t want you to go,” says Alec, his eyes wide and worried.

Magnus shakes his head. “And I won’t… You understand? I’m not going anywhere while you have this of mine.”

Alec nods slowly, beginning to realise what Magnus is trying to convey to his anxious mind. “Okay… I think I get it.” He lifts his eyes to gold irises. “Are you sure you want me to have it? I mean, what if… what if we never break up?”

Canting his head, Magnus smiles into a chaste kiss he leans forward to press against Alec’s lips. “Then I’ll never lose it… because I’ll never lose you.”

Alec swallows and looks down to the chain in his hand. For a moment, he wonders if it is metal or actual silver. Deciding it would be better not to ask, he reattaches the ends and lifts it up over his head, letting it drape around his neck and tucking it down under his shirt. It’s warm from Magnus’s body heat.

He smiles and runs his fingers along the chain, feeling it against his collarbone. His eyes come to Magnus’s.

“Thank you,” he says.

Magnus just smiles and turns to gaze out over the water. The silence is easy, but Alec feels disjointed, untethered like he’s floating away. There must be something he is supposed to do here. Maybe he should try to kiss Magnus again.

Before he can decide, Magnus shifts closer and rests his head on Alec’s shoulder, reaching across to join their hands. Their palms fit together like matching puzzle pieces and Alec is slammed back into reality—grounded under Magnus’s touch. For the first time since this began, Alec doesn’t feel flushed at the intimacy. It feels right. Alec isn’t used to anything feeling right.

“Are you…” Alec begins and swallows hard as his throat is suddenly too dry. “Are we boyfriends?”

Magnus chuckles breathily. “Would you like that?”

“Yes,” Alec admits. He was honest, always honest, and sometimes it got him in trouble. He hoped this wasn’t one of those times.

“Then, yes,” says Magnus, squeezing his hand. “I’d like that too.”

They share a comfortable silence, Magnus pressed up against Alec’s side. They don’t necessarily need to be holding hands, but neither of them would dream of pulling away. Together, they sit and stare out across the water, eyes low against the rapidly setting sun.

* * *

Magnus rides home alone.

He had taken Alec back to the café after their date, kissing him farewell outside, making sure he got in safely and locked the doors before taking his bike back to his own apartment. The Brooklyn streets are illuminated with streetlamps and Magnus stringently obeys the traffic laws on his way back, stopping at red lights even when the road is completely empty. Maybe he’s picking up little traits from Alec.

That is a mistake on his part.

He is pulling up on a red light when it happens. Something slams into the back of his helmet and—although it doesn’t hurt—the shock is enough to have Magnus off guard enough to allow his assailant to pull him from his bike. There are three of them. They have dragged him into an alley before Magnus manages to palm his helmet off.

His exposed face is met with a clenched fist. He is held in place by two while the other stand in front of him. A twenty-something Latina girl with a decent power behind her punches stands in front of him. It doesn’t take Magnus more than a second to understand who she is and why she is here.

“I assume this isn’t a social call,” he utters.

She strikes him again and splits his lip and Magnus flicks a tongue out with a soft hiss of pain.

“We saw some dumb muscle go into your club. You’ve been hanging out with some pretty boy around the café that my boss wants.” she says, a defiant frown on her sculpted brows. “So, what’s the deal? You and that other guy… you Asmodeus’s people?”

Despite his pounding heart, Magnus kept his expression carefully guarded, hinting at confusion and he lilts his voice in turn. “I don’t know what you’re talking about… Asmodeus? That guy always dodging trials on the news? I heard he was dead.”

“Cut the shit,” the women snaps, teeth bared in a growl of irritation. “Why would you have Fangs in your club unless you had business?”

The damage is done, however. His confusion and mundane knowledge have caused the ones holding Magnus to loosen their hold. It isn’t noticeable enough to alert their leader, but Magnus feels it. There is blood in his mouth. He grins and lifts his eyes to his attacker, and a flash of panic crosses her face at the wicked smile that has taken his expression.

She must see the resemblance now.

Magnus wrenches an arm from one of the grunts holding him, snatching the switchblade from his belt and pressing a thumb to the button, releasing the blade from its ornate handle. It was his father’s knife. It was the second thing that Magnus had inherited from Asmodeus.

He spins and blood sprays the air. One of the men chokes and drops and Magnus whips around on the other two. He knows he must look absolutely insane. It is only because they know. They know about Raphael’s men coming to his club (Fangs is what other gangs call Rafe’s people), they know about the café and about Alec. They know everything except who Magnus is— _what_ Magnus is—and he will not be exposed by some low-level child who just happened to get lucky on a thin lead.

There is a snarl on his lips and rage in his eyes. There is a blade in his hand and blood dripping down his chin. There is desperation fuelling his actions and righteous fury in his heart and he lunges forward to defend his life and Alec’s and to protect everyone and everything he knows.

The red mist comes down and Magnus gives in to his darkness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Bit of a cliffhanger, sorry!


	5. Bright Lights in Dark Nights

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aftermath of Magnus's attack. Alec is working late. The cafe and Alec's warmth is a light in Magnus's consuming darkness.  
> Probably no need for warnings, but things get intimate between our boys towards the end of the chapter. The timeline is moving way faster than I expected, sorry for anyone who wanted more of a slow burn, but it’s just gone down a different route!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to my recent commenters @PhoneixStar73 (twice!), @GinA, @ByTheAngell (hi!), @jillyfae, @master_girl, and to those who left kudos.

It’s late and Alec is cleaning the café.

Outside the windows, the sun has set and left the streets illuminated by stark, artificial lights. The odd passer-by wanders home, barely glancing into the warmly lit café where Alec is wiping down the tables, leaning low across the surface to be more thorough with the dried rings where spilled coffee has shaped the bottoms of mugs.

He had promised Isabelle that he’d get around to it at some point over the weekend, and he would prefer to get it done than to wait around and forget. Besides, he is still buzzing from his date with Magnus. That momentum fuels his motivation for menial tasks. He knows that if he tries to sleep, he will lie awake for hours, just grinning to himself like an idiot.

He is touching the chain around his throat far too much, but there isn’t anyone around to see or judge him. It is the first gift he has been given that wasn’t for his birthday or Christmas and wasn’t from one of his relatives. It is the closest that Alec has ever felt to another person. Perhaps it’s silly of him to linger on something as simple as a gift.

The bell rings—the familiar tinkle to announce someone entering the café—and Alec stifles a sigh, not yet turning to greet the customer. They would normally be open at this time, he realises. The sporadic timings lately may be confusing some of their regulars.

“We’re actually closed,” Alec calls, frowning softly to himself because he was sure he’d locked the door. He would get them something to take away regardless. “New timings, sorry. There’s a sign on the door. I can do something quick if you want to take it with you.”

“Something quick… A little disingenuous perhaps, Alexander,” a familiar voice says and Alec turns around with a smile that dies as soon as he sets his gaze on the speaker.

“Magnus,” he gasps and hurries around the counter. “What happened?”

Magnus gave him a slanted smile, mirthless but clearly intended to be reassuring. Blood oozes lazily from a cut to his cheek, the skin surrounding it darkened with blossoming bruises, blue and light purple shading beginning to blossom under and curve around his eye. There’s a cut on his lower lip, blood smeared down his chin. He had flipped the sign around when he entered to symbolise that the café was closed.

“I’m fine,” he mutters, angling his face away when Alec presses a hand under his chin. “Alec, it’s fine.”

“What happened?” repeats Alec, firmer and more pointed this time.

A hot kind of anger is rising in his stomach, as if his body is trying to urge him to march out and punish whoever has done this to his boyfriend. He can’t remember the last time he felt an anger like it. Even when his father makes ignorant comments or jokes, or Jace assumes that his dates are with girls, or his mother tells him he has a ‘duty’ to care for his siblings and follow in his father’s footsteps, Alec has never become as angry as this.

Magnus sighs and absently dabs his fingertips to his lip. “Just some guy,” he says, too nonchalant, “tried to mug me. I got away.”

“Jesus...” Alec utters. “Did you call the police?”

Magnus shakes his head. “No, and I’m not going to.” He waves Alec off as he begins to protest. “Alec, please, it’s fine. I’m not badly hurt. He didn’t take anything. There’s no point in getting the police involved.” He grimaces and ducks his gaze. “Besides, I don’t have... a particularly clean record with them.”

Alec hesitates a moment. There it is. Magnus’s past is surfacing and Alec is more scared _for_ him than anything else. Maybe he should feel fear in a different kind of way, but he can’t bring himself to feel anything negative towards Magnus. Not when he is looking at Alec like that. The gold is in eyes seems to glow in contrast to the sharp sting of crimson across his cheekbone.

Alec twists a finger into the chain, swallowing hard and decisively letting go, letting it fall once more against his chest.

“Come upstairs,” says Alec finally, his voice soft. He takes Magnus’s wrist and guides him through behind the counter. “I’ll get you some ice for that eye.”

Magnus says nothing, just follows Alec through the shop and lets him lead the way up the stairs at the back. There’s a small landing there and Alec quickly unlocks the door and ushers Magnus into his flat. It isn’t a fancy space, not elegant or chic like Magnus’s apartment. The wallpaper is peeling and there are stains on the carpet, but Alec finds that he doesn’t mind right now.

His priority is Magnus.

He leads his boyfriend into the kitchen, flicks the lights on and sits him down on a stool at the island. Gentle fingers skim across Magnus’s cheek, coaxing his head into tilting so Alec can get a better look. The skin has broken on Magnus’s cheekbone, a bruise darkening in a curve around his eye, and there’s a bead of blood on his lower lip. Besides that, he seems relatively unharmed.

It all looks worse under the stark lights of his kitchen. The warm glow of the café had concealed a lot of the damage. The bruised eye had swelled badly. Alec tries to convince himself that it looks worse than it is.

“Magnus, what exactly happened?” asks Alec, pulling away to grab a bag of frozen peas from the freezer.

Magnus shrugs, watching Alec wrap the bag up in a tea towel. “Not much more to tell. There was a guy. He grabbed me in an alley and told me to give him my wallet.” He huffs as Alec comes forward and hands him the towel-wrapped peas. “I managed to fight him off just long enough to get away.”

“You should’ve just done what he wanted,” Alec says, going back to grab an unused dishcloth from a packet in the cupboard, soaking it beneath the hot tap. “Your wallet isn’t worth your life, Magnus.”

“It was more the principle than anything else,” Magnus admits.

Alec wrings out the cloth, stifling a sigh, grabs a first aid kit from the cupboard under the sink, and returns to Magnus, sitting on the stool beside him and beginning to tend to the cut below his eye. It’s Alec who winces when he dabs the blood away. Magnus is still.

“Can you see alright?” asks Alec.

Magnus smiles wearily. “My cheekbone isn’t broken, if that’s what you’re thinking. I know what that feels like, and it’s not this.”

It takes all of Alec’s strength to resist the urge to chide Magnus for being so reckless. The main impression he has gathered of Magnus is that he is proud. Some part of Alec believes he cares more for maintaining his pride and his reputation than keeping his actual life. Another part hopes that he is wrong.

“What’s the verdict, doctor?”

Alec huffs and casts him a look, half fondness and half chastising. “It isn’t too deep. I don’t think you need stitches, but I’ll clean it out and put a little tape on there so it doesn’t scar, if that’s alright.”

Magnus nods, licks the blood from his lip as he watches Alec rifle through the medic kit. “Suppose you’re used to treating burns. All this hot coffee around.”

“Yeah,” Alec chuckles lightly. “Usually I’m stuck with that. I can be clumsy sometimes though, cut myself cleaning up plates that kids have thrown on the floor, that kind of thing.”

He pulls a sterile wipe from the bag and a set of short adhesive tapes.

“Hold still,” he orders gently, a hand absently moving to cradle Magnus’s jaw. “This might sting.”

Magnus doesn’t so much as flinch as Alec wipes the cut. It is short enough to only need two strips. Alec probably doesn’t necessarily have to tape it, but he wants to feel like he’s doing the best he can for Magnus.

“There we are,” says Alec, announcing his work done. “Hold those frozen peas there until the swelling goes down.”

Magnus does so, almost bored as he pressed the frozen wrap to his eye. Alec tends to his lower lip, pressing the dishcloth to the bead of blood, soaking up spots of crimson as the blood keeps welling up. He does that until the bleeding slows and stops as the cut starts to scar up and what was left of the blood has dried on Magnus’s lip.

When he puts everything back in the first aid kit, Alec leans against the counter and sighs, pressing his hand to his forehead. There’s a shift in his peripheral and a cold hand closes over his own. Alec lifts his head to stare into Magnus’s eyes. The swelling has gone down considerably, aided by the bag of frozen peas which has now been set down on the island counter.

They are so close now that Alec barely has to move to kiss him. There’s a hint of metallic taste on Magnus’s lips and Alec pulls away quickly, afraid of hurting him any further. The bleeding has stopped. It must just be lingering smudges that Alec can taste on his lips.

“Alec,” Magnus utters, blinking slow and seductive and Alec swallows hard. “Are you ever going to get through kissing me without being interrupted?”

“I don’t want to hurt you,” admits Alec. He is aware that, every time he has instigated a kiss with Magnus, he always pulls away too soon.

Magnus smiles softly at that, lifting a hand to Alec’s cheek and stroking a thumb across his skin, leaning in so the words breathe hot against Alec’s lips. “You won’t,” he says, and Alec can’t help his eyes closing. “You could never hurt me, Alexander. Don’t be afraid.”

Sliding a hand up to the back of Magnus’s neck, Alec glances between cut lips and gold eyes and swallows hard. It is terrible timing on his part, but Magnus is just so beautiful and he is _right here_ in his apartment and Alec can’t help himself. Magnus subtly licks his lips, apparently adamant on holding Alec’s gaze. He is waiting. Waiting for Alec to make the next move.

So, Alec does. He kisses Magnus and feels a stifled noise against his lips more than actually hears it. Magnus opens his mouth almost immediately and, a slight crease to his brow, Alec follows in suit. Magnus is mostly silent in his teachings, pulling at Alec’s waist to coax him closer, muffling a sound of disapproval when Alec overcompensates and pressing a hand to his chest to tell him to ease off.

When they finally break apart, Magnus gives him a satisfied kind of blink. Alec is breathing hard, and his mouth is wet but his throat is dry.

“Do you want to…” he begins hoarsely, gesturing absently to a door behind him. “It’d be more comfortable… If you wanted, we could, uh… ‘make-out’… in the bedroom?”

Some unreadable curtain shuts across gold eyes, but Magnus nods and stands when Alec does. Disregarding his own anxieties for a second, Alec decisively grabs Magnus’s hand and pulls him along, enthused by Magnus’s soft chuckle. Magnus is on him as soon as they enter the bedroom, which Alec is grateful for simply because his room is nothing to be proud of. The door creaks when Alec fumbles to shut it behind them.

It’s too dark to see, but Alec knows where he’s going. He takes Magnus’s waist, unwilling to break their feverish kisses, coaxing him backwards towards the bed. They practically collapse onto the mattress and the bedframe shakes alarmingly. Alec isn’t bothered by that. He is lying atop his boyfriend, wedged between his legs, and the effect Magnus is having on him is like nothing he’s ever felt.

Magnus seems content to kiss him, but Alec isn’t prepared to be tame about this—not when they’re here. He breaks their lips and kisses the curve of bruised skin around Magnus’s eye, lips skimming light and soft like he can fix the damage if he just loves hard enough. His hips are rocking on instinct alone. Magnus’s hands creep up beneath his shirt.

“It’s okay,” murmurs Magnus, fingertips pressing into the hard muscles across Alec’s back, smoothing the curve of his spine. “Alexander, it’s okay… It’s okay…”

“Magnus,” he mumbled and ducks to kiss Magnus’s neck, his hips pushing hard and he can’t control it. “I want… Mags, I… Please, I…”

“It’s okay,” Magnus repeats, craning his head back and running a hand up into Alec’s hair in gentle encouragement. “I know. It’s okay. I’m here. We don’t need to rush.”

Alec’s heart is pounding and he feels completely and utterly wrecked, breathless as he lifts his head to gaze into Magnus’s eyes. He looks absolutely radiant beneath Alec, his lips pink and parted, the artificial light from outside catching the gold in his eyes. “I want you…” Alec says and it comes in a breathy whisper. “Magnus, I want you to show me. I know I don’t have any experience, but I… I want to. With you.”

Magnus stares a moment and strokes a hand over his cheek. “You’re a virgin,” he says, like Alec is the very face of innocence.

“Magnus,” says Alec, firmer now, clutching Magnus’s wrist. “I’m not a child. I know what I want, and I want this… I want you.”

Magnus gazes up at him a moment longer, silent and serious, before his fingertips brush lightly against Alec’s temple. “Okay,” he agrees quietly. “If you’re sure, then okay. It’s only been just over a week though. You need to think about this. I need you to be sure.”

His heart is pounding so loud, he’s sure Magnus can hear it. Alec swallows hard and gives a short and certain nod.

“I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life.”


	6. Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waking up together after their first time. Magnus gets scared that their relationship is progressing to quickly. Alec is there to ground him.
> 
> Warnings: mentions of past self-harming (Alec) and past domestic abuse (Magnus). Nothing too severe, but thought I’d let people know just in case.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much to my commenters @PhoenixStar73 (x2!), @ByTheAngell, @master_girl, @MaJaMii for your kind words and motivation. I’m stunned to see regulars in my inbox and I cannot express my gratitude enough.  
> I also got challenged to put 'sartorial elegance' into a sentence, so that's incredibly out of place somewhere in this chapter.

The artificial lights of the city filter through the moth-eaten curtains and Alec wakes in the semi-darkness, eyes opening to a ceiling wreathed in shadow.

There is something warm pressed up against his side, laid halfway over his chest, and Alec takes a moment to recall his memories. When he does, his head turns and—with his rapidly adjusting eyes—he sees a lump that he knows is Magnus curled up there, kept against his side by Alec’s arm wrapped around him. His head rests on Alec’s shoulder, an arm slung over his abdomen. Alec’s arm is trapped beneath Magnus’s waist. His hand is completely numb.

Alec vaguely remembers pulling him in after Magnus had collapsed onto the mattress, both panting and sweating and reluctant to be even an inch apart from one another. Once they had caught their breaths and cleaned up, Magnus had sat on the edge of the bed and run a hand through his hair. Alec had felt the mattress move and his eyes had opened to see the silhouette of Magnus as he pushed himself up from the bed.

“Where are you going?”

Magnus sighed in the darkness. “This was a mistake,” he had muttered and Alec shoved himself upright, eyes wide and unaccustomed to the light—or lack thereof. “I’m sorry, Alexander. We rushed into this and I shouldn’t have let that happen.” He had sighed again. “I should go.”

“Wait,” Alec had protested, clawing his way across the bed to grasp for Magnus in the shadows, clutching his arm. “I don’t want you to go. Please. It wasn’t a mistake. I want you to stay.”

“Alexander, we barely know one another. You aren’t ready to see me in the daylight. Not like this.”

Alec had clenched his jaw. “Magnus, I know what I want. I know what I’m ready for, and I’m ready to know you. I’m ready to see you.”

Perhaps Magnus hadn’t realised this, but Alec had felt practically every inch of his body. He knew what scar tissue felt like beneath his fingertips. He could picture Magnus’s body in his mind, picture his dark skin riddled with long, white scars and mottled patches from burn marks. Alec was familiar with how burns felt, but unfamiliar with the circular shape of the ones he had felt on Magnus’s skin.

Alec had pleaded for him to stay, eventually coaxing Magnus back down into the bed. He had made his boyfriend promise not to leave, not letting up until Magnus gave a verbal vow. Alec is almost overwhelmed to find Magnus had kept his promise, to find him asleep beside him. He has never had this before. It will hurt him so terribly if he wakes in the morning to find Magnus gone.

Risking a shift has Magnus stirring and mumbling and Alec winces. His anxiety is misplaced, however. Magnus falls back asleep easily, and Alec is free to gently prise his arm out from underneath his boyfriend, flexing his fingers to bring the blood flow surging back. He places that arm down between them and rolls onto his side, facing Magnus and settling a hand to his waist. The chain shifts around his neck and he smiles at the reminder that it’s there.

He convinces himself to try and sleep again. Even with the weight of anxiety in his gut, he manages to succumb to unconsciousness.

The morning sun wakes him in what seems like seconds. For the first time in so long now, he feels rested when his eyes open. There is a water stain on his ceiling that he has grown accustomed to seeing every morning. Today, he doesn’t care. Today he has someone in his bed, kept close against his side. Turning his head, he sees Magnus is awake.

His hair is still perfect. Jewellery glitters from his ears and around his throat and Alec shudders softly as he remembers how those necklaces felt dragging over his bare chest. He has an arm above the covers, draped over Alec’s stomach. White scarring scatters his skin. The bruise around his eye is darker now, but the swelling has disappeared.

Alec stares at him a while, swallowing hard when Magnus shifts and the sunlight catches dark gold irises. “I was afraid you’d be gone,” he admits.

Magnus lifts a hand and brushes his fingertips to Alec’s cheek. The metal rings are warm from their shared body heat. “I promised I’d stay. Remember?”

Even though it’s probably a rhetorical question, Alec nods. “I remember,” he says, his eyes flitting down what little he can see of Magnus, broad, scarred shoulders and toned arms. “I remember you saying that… that we needed more time before I saw you in the light… Why did you say that? Is it just because of the scars?”

Magnus gazes up at him, his eyelids low and his expression calm even when Alec had been expecting him to withdraw. “I suppose it was,” he says. “I suppose… I was afraid that you would ask about their origin.”

Alec hums and props himself up on one elbow, pushing the duvet down to his hip. Magnus swallows and his eyes roam down, widening softly when he sees the faded lines crisscrossed over Alec’s stomach. They are barely visible, just slightly darker scratches against pale skin.

“Oh, Alec…”

“I did it on and off when I was a teenager,” says Alec, absently stroking his fingers over his abdomen. “I didn’t know they would stay so long… I thought they’d disappear.”

Magnus swallows and lifts his gaze to Alec’s own. “I’m sorry you felt that way, Alec… If you need to talk to someone…”

Alec simply shakes his head. “It was years ago. I’m okay now… I haven’t felt the need to do it since I was eighteen or nineteen.”

Magnus regards him a long and silent moment. He settles back down against the pillows, sighing softly and curling up to Alec when his boyfriend lies back down with him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders. His fingertips brush absently over the scars across Magnus’s shoulders.

“My father is dead,” says Magnus, “but he left me with these, and I will never be free of him.” Alec’s fingers still on Magnus’s skin as he realises what Magnus is saying. “I would upset my mother sometimes—acting out because I wasn’t getting attention—and my father took it upon himself to attend to me…”

“Magnus… I’m so sorry. I didn’t know.”

Shrugging softly, Magnus shifts to lay his head on Alec’s chest. “It’s okay. It was a long time ago.”

Alec ran his fingers through Magnus’s hair. “He still hurt you…”

Magnus hums and sighs softly, and Alec’s heart aches for him. “I think he enjoyed it. After my mother…” he trails and sighs again, deeper this time. “I thought it would stop after she died, but it just got worse.” He clenched his jaw. “I hate that he left me with them. I hate that, even now he’s dead, he can still hurt me. Every relationship I’ve ever had… it always goes too fast, and it’s a whirlwind and then they see me for what I am, and it’s over.”

Alec swallows hard, absently tightening his hold around Magnus, feeling his boyfriend tense at the new strength. “You’re wrong,” he says and his voice comes rough. “He can’t hurt you anymore. He’s gone.” He hesitates then a moment. “I know that… I have no idea what I’m doing… If I’m going too fast, then I’m sorry. We can slow down. Whatever makes you comfortable.”

Magnus was silent a long moment. For that time, Alec began to believe that he simply wouldn’t speak at all. Maybe he is pushing Magnus away. His boyfriend might just get up and leave. Alec didn’t know if he could cope with that. He had never gotten close enough to risk losing someone before, and he didn’t know how to handle it if Magnus left him now.

“Alexander,” he says finally, and Alec closes his eyes, overwhelmed briefly by the softness in Magnus’s voice. “I have never felt about anyone else the way that I feel about you.” His fingers run softly along the glint of silver around Alec’s neck. “You’re still wearing it.”

Alec swallows and smiles and he knows he sounds like a teenage girl with a friendship bracelet, but he speaks his truth as always. “I never want to take it off.”

Magnus smiles and Alec _swears_ he can see a blush rising on his high cheekbones. “Alexander,” he murmurs and rolls onto his side, propped up on one elbow so he could use the other hand to stroke absent fingers into Alec’s dark locks. “You’re secretly a romantic, aren’t you?”

“ _Hopeless_ romantic,” corrects Alec, leaning into Magnus’s touch and clutching his wrist, bringing his hand down to sew kisses along his boyfriend’s knuckles. He hesitates a moment, lifting his eyes to soft gold. “Magnus, I—”

Magnus presses his fingers to Alec’s lips. “Hey,” he says, soft but harbouring some unknown emotion curtained behind his eyes. “Let’s get dressed, okay? There’s somewhere I want to take you today.” He huffs and glances down and Alec can’t take his eyes off of this new, vulnerable Magnus. “That is… if you’re not too busy. I—I know it’s Sunday and you might, I don’t know… People go to church and stuff.”

“Magnus,” Alec murmurs. “There’s nowhere I want to be except with you.”

They get dressed together in Alec’s room. Magnus mutters under his breath about wearing the same outfit as yesterday, but aside from that it’s mostly quiet. Alec thinks about how Magnus had hushed him. Perhaps he had known what Alec was trying to say. Perhaps he doesn't want Alec to say it.

Magnus takes a phone call shortly after dressing, asking someone whose name Alec doesn’t catch to bring his car over to an address around the corner. Why he gives them that address and not the café’s, Alec doesn’t know. He doesn’t ask either. Magnus has a brief argument over the phone about a motorbike that he apparently abandoned somewhere, and Alec pointedly doesn’t look at him.

From what he has pieced together, Magnus had to leave his motorbike when he was mugged. Apparently, the guy dragged him from his bike—which Alec hadn’t been imagining. It just makes him more worried about his boyfriend. The guy could have had a gun or a knife or something. Magnus could have died.

Both dressed and piled into a glossy dark blue, black-roofed Range Rover, Magnus drives and refuses to tell Alec where they are going. Magnus’s car is just as beautiful as his bike and as Magnus himself, and Alec vaguely thinks that everything he has must have cost him a fortune. All his hair products and make-up are top shelf brands; Alec knows that much from Isabelle’s ranting over her magazines. Alec decides then and there—sat on leather seats in a beautiful car beside a beautiful man—that Magnus is probably a millionaire.

After just over half an hour of driving, he turns into the car park of the New York Aquarium. Out of all the places that Alec had expected, that wasn’t even nearly on his list.

Now though, watching Magnus gaze into the glass tanks, the blue waves of light dancing across his tan skin, stood in all of his sartorial elegance, Alec wouldn’t wish to be anywhere else. Alec takes his hand and Magnus’s glances up at him briefly. His golden eyes are dark in this light. _Soft_ , thinks Alec fondly, _his eyes are soft_.

They stand in front of a full walled glass enclosure and Alec holds Magnus’s hands and pulls him in, their bodies bathed in blue shimmers.

It’s probably the best kiss he will ever have in his life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been really down lately, so I'm sorry if this isn't up to standards. Sorry.


	7. No Place Like Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec’s relationship with Magnus has given him strength and, at a dinner with his parents, the truth may finally come out.  
> Warnings: some fairly strong language and homophobic slurs in this chapter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who commented on the last chapter: @Sandy, @jillyfae, @PhoenixStar73, @master_girl, @notapalindrome, @Gina, @confettisprinkles, @CanDanAndPhilNot. Extra special thanks to everyone who sent messages of love/support for me when I was down. I'm doing better now.

When Alec steps into his childhood home, everything is wrong.

His parents have redecorated again. The walls are all painted a watery kind of grey, barely darker than the white ceilings. The furniture is all dark cedar rather than the light oak that Alec remembers from his younger days. The photo frames are gold instead of black. Jace’s face grins out at him from the frozen images, various backdrops of exotic countries incredibly, intentionally visible in the photos behind him. Alec stifles a sigh and turns away.

His mother—who had picked him up from the café and driven him over—smiles at him and offers to take his coat. Alec, who isn’t wearing a coat, gives him her jacket with a murmur of thanks. He is too hot anyway, nervous about seeing his father for the first time in almost six months.

The only contact he has had with Robert Lightwood is via his bank account—which his father still had full control over despite Alec being a grown adult. As much as Alec hates to admit it, he does need his father’s money. He has never had a job that his father didn’t provide. He has never had a house that his father didn’t own.

In the home he had grew up in, he feels like a stranger.

His mother shows him into the dining room where his father is waiting, having set out three plates laden with food. Chicken roast: his mother’s speciality. Alec and his father share a disingenuous handshake.

Truly, Alec isn’t properly paying attention. His mind is on Magnus and the night they had shared last Saturday. He has been in a daze since then. He had blushed furiously every time Magnus came into the café this past week, his presence a forceful reminder of how intimate they had been together. Alec can’t stop staring at his lips and his eyes and the necklaces hanging from his throat. Magnus is beautiful. Alec loves everything about him.

It is Friday the following week and Alec still can’t drag his mind away from his boyfriend. His boyfriend, who just had to walk into the shop and Alec already had his order ready for him. His boyfriend, who had stolen a kiss when Isabelle’s back was turned and had left Alec a blushing mess for the rest of the day. His boyfriend, who had murmured words of reassurance over the phone when Alec called him while waiting for his mother to pick him up.

“Alec,” says his father and Alec is brought back to reality. His stares at his father across the table, glancing between his stern expression and his mother expectant one.

Alec waits for his father to continue, stifling a sigh when there is only silence. “Yes?” he asks as politely as he can manage.

“Would you like to say grace, dear?” his mother queries, softer than her husband, glancing pointedly to Alec’s hand and he realises that he has already picked up his fork.

Alec clears his throat and sets the fork down. He isn’t used to saying grace back at his flat, but he supposes he should have remembered how strictly religious his parents are. “Uh, I… I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

His father clicks his tongue and mutters something under his breath. Alec picks up the word ‘ _useless_ ’ and ducks his gaze to the tablecloth, clasping his hands together over his plate as his father begins to pray. It is some generic garbage about familial safety and financial security and that Jace would be safe and happy on his travels and Isabelle would earn enough to pay off her debt and keep the café. He says nothing for Alec, but that isn’t surprising. He doesn’t believe Alec needs anything.

After his father has finished, they begin to eat. The atmosphere is heavy and awkward and Alec focuses on his table manners more than anything else. His mother asks him the occasional question and his father utters the occasional chiding or bored comment. Alec answers his mother’s queries, pretends not to hear his father’s disapproval.

Alec is finishing off his plate when the real conversation eventually starts.

“When are you going to give us some grandchildren, Alec?” his mother asks, something longing in her words. “Can’t you just picture your little ones sat here with us?”

Suddenly, Alec feels guilty. He can’t have children with Magnus, not ones of their own blood anything. Alec supposes they could adopt. He also makes a guess that they are a long way away from that conversation. They’re only three weeks into their relationship after all.

Robert scoffs and the guilt disappears like mist under the sun. “He has to get a girlfriend first. Then somehow convince her to marry him.” He looks Alec up and down, disapproving in a way. “How’s that going, Alec? I have been speaking to Alistair about you, and he says his daughter would very much like to meet you. You know his daughter: Lydia. I know you never do anything, so we’ve gone ahead and set up a date next Friday evening. I assume you’re free.”

With the guilt so quickly evaporated, a burning pit of anger is opening in Alec’s stomach. He barely even hears his mother complain, saying that Alec will find ‘a nice young girl’ in his own time. Robert just waves her off dismissively and turns his attention back on Alec.

“The truth is, the older you get, and the more time you spend outside the company, the less desirable you are to women. They want a successful, young businessman who isn’t afraid to have commit, to marry and have children. What they don’t want is a thirty-something year old virgin who sells coffee to underachieving students.”

“Robert!” Maryse chides softly.

“No, it’s okay,” says Alec, setting his cutlery down and casting his mother a forced smile. “It’s fine. It’s not as though you asked me to help Izzy with the shop and I dropped everything to do what you wanted, because I was so anxious to please you both that I gave up on my dreams.” He shrugs and he knows he’s coming off petulant and ungrateful and he doesn’t care. “It’s not like I had to pretend that I actually wanted to take over your crappy insurance company because I was scared that you’d disown me if I didn’t.”

There it is. Alec is opening himself up to scrutiny and prejudice, and, for once in his life, he isn’t afraid of what his father will say. He doesn’t need his father or his company. He has Magnus now. There is nothing more he wants out of life. He just wants Magnus to stay with him and for them to be happy together.

Some dark cloud crossed Robert’s face then, eyes narrowing in disapproval. “What are you saying…? You don’t want to manage the company?”

Alec laughs and he sounds hysterical even to himself. “God, dad, no, of course I don’t! I didn’t study business at college either! Why the hell did you think I would want that? Because it was expected of me? That’s bullshit!”

“Alec!”

“No, no, I’m not done,” says Alec, shoving himself up from the table.

He can’t take his mind off of Magnus and it is fuelling his confidence; they will never stand a chance if Alec doesn’t do this. His father rises with him, his expression twisted in rage.

“I never wanted any of this, and I’ve been living my whole life as a lie. I’m not going on some stupid set-up date with some girl I’ve never met. Also,” he chuckles and spreads his arms as if to display himself, “not a virgin anymore, dad. Sorry I didn’t let you know about that really private detail of my sexual life.”

Robert slams a hand down on the table and Maryse covers her mouth with a half-stifled “Robert”, but Alec just stares his father down. “As my eldest son,” begins his father and Alec curls his hands into fists at his sides, “you know what is expected of you. You know you are expected to marry into a decent family, and I need to know who you are dating so I can—”

“So you can what?” snaps Alec. “This isn’t the fourteenth century, dad. All this family pride stuff is crap. I can date whoever I want and I don’t need your approval to have sex. You don’t pull any of this shit with Jace or Izzy. Why me, dad? Why is it always down to me?!”

“Because that’s your job!” Robert yells across the table. “You’re supposed to keep my legacy alive!”

Alec scoffs and glares at him. “You run an insurance company. You’re not a fucking king.”

His father is red-faced now, almost trembling with rage, and his mother is clutching at her husband’s sleeve, uttering quietly for him to calm himself.

“This is abuse, what you’ve put me through,” says Alec and he touches the chain that Magnus bought for him, letting it give him strength. “I’ve suffered through your crap for twenty-three years and I was too scared to do anything about it because I knew I’d be on my own… I’m not scared anymore, and I’m not alone.”

He takes a breath. There is heat welling up in his eyes and he swallows hard against it.

“I’ll never be what you want me to become,” he says and Magnus has made him stronger, “because I’ll never marry a pretty girl and she won’t give you grandchildren. You must have at least suspected it… There’s a reason I’ve never had a girlfriend.”

Robert shakes his head, jaw clenched. “No.”

Alec breathes hard. “I’m gay,” he admits, _finally_ admits. “I’ve known since I was fourteen. I’ve been dating a man for almost three weeks now. Not that you’d ever think to ask, but his name is Magnus, he’s twenty-five, and he’s beautiful. He is kind to me.”

“Alec,” says Robert firmly. “You are not gay.”

Alec chuckles mirthlessly. “What, you think you can talk it out of me? It’s not something wrong with me, dad. This is just who I am. It’s who I’ve always been.” He grins even though he is on the verge of tears. “I never told you, because I knew you’d react exactly like this. I knew you’d be a bigoted asshole and kick me out. I lived in constant fear of someone finding out. That’s what you did to me with your shitty attitude.”

Robert stares at him for almost a full minute, silent and stony. “You let a man… take your virginity?”

Alec frowns. “That’s really what you’re taking away from that? Yeah, dad. I wanted to because I love him, and he is better for me than any rich girl you can buy off your friends.”

Robert bared his teeth and marched around the table. Alec took a few cautionary steps back, a hint of fear surpassing his rebellious attitude. Reaching him, Robert grabs the front of his shirt and his fingers catch on the chain around his throat, pulling hard enough to force Alec to stagger closer. Maryse finally gets to her feet, rushing forward only to have her husband shove her back.

“You don’t get to tear this family apart,” growls Robert and the chain is digging hard into the back of Alec’s neck. “You will do your duty. You are my son. I did not raise a fucking faggot!”

“You did,” says Alec, his voice tight with restrained tears. “I’m done hiding. I love Magnus. I am not afraid of you.”

Robert’s hand swings up sharply and Maryse gasps out a startled cry as his wedding ring leaves a cut in his son’s cheek. The shock of it wrenches Alec back.

The chain snaps.

Alec stares and clutches absently below his throat as the broken chain hangs limp in Robert’s grasp, a lump in his throat when his father flings it behind him in disgust. To Alec’s limited view, the chain is tossed into the fire and his heart plummets into his stomach. Unbeknown to him, it simply falls into the edge of the fire place, half-buried in the ash. Unbeknown to him, his mother watches it fall. His father is glaring at him.

“Get out of my house.”

Alec desperately wants to go back for Magnus’s chain, but he is fairly sure Robert will kill him if he stays any longer. It’s probably burning now anyway.

He risks turning his back on his father, wrenching the door open and running out into the night. It’s far too cold to be out on his own. His mother was going to drive him home, but Alec knows that’s off the table now. He doesn’t look back for her—his mind had been solely on his father and the chain. Magnus will be so angry with him.

“Don’t you ever come back here!” Robert screams after him, but Alec keeps running. “Do you hear me?! You are not my son!”

There are tears streaming down his cheeks when he shoves open the gate and turns back to watch the door of his childhood home slam shut, locked to him forever. Alec curses softly into the darkness, his breathing clouding under the dim streetlamp glow. Everything has crumbled in a single night. Every ounce of security he had from his father is now gone. The illusion is shattered and Alec is a stranger.

So, standing there outside a house that can never be his home, Alec does the only thing that makes sense. He calls Magnus.

The line picks up immediately and Alec starts walking.

“ _Alexander_ ,” says Magnus and he sounds so pleased and Alec angles the phone away, covering his mouth to stifle a sob. There’s sound in the background like traffic and Alec remembers that Magnus has one of those cars that connects to his phone. “ _It’s so wonderful to hear from you. How did the dinner go? I know you were worried about—_ ”

“Magnus,” Alec interrupts and he knows he must sound awful. “Are… Are you busy?”

Magnus is quiet for a moment and, when his voice does answer, it comes hard and serious. “ _Alec, what’s happened?_ ”

Alec shakes his head, choking on a sob. “Can you come and get me?” he asks in a tearful plea. It’s pathetic. He sounds pathetic. God, what would he say to Magnus about his chain? That he was too scared of his father to get it back? He sniffs back another sob, trying to steady his breaths. “Can you just… Can you come?”

“ _Of course, my love,”_ says Magnus and there’s an underlying concern in the soft words. _“I’m in my car right now, I’ll come and get you. Where are you? Are you safe?_ ”

Swallowing hard, Alec glances around the cul-de-sac. “I’m outside my parents house,” he admits. “On the corner of their street… I—I’m okay. I just need a lift.”

“ _Okay, sweetheart, I’m close by. I’m just a few minutes away. Take the road left, I’ll get to you quicker if you’re walking. Are you sure you’re safe, Alec? I need you to be sure.”_

Alec turns left at the end of the road, glancing back to ensure his father isn’t following him. “I think so,” he says when he sees that road is clear, though he walks faster than he necessarily needs to. “I don’t know, Magnus. I… God, everything got so fucked up so quickly.”

Something hot drips down his cheek and Alec knows it is blood, recognises the heat and the consistency from when he patched Magnus up last week. He doesn’t want to see it. He doesn’t want to think about the damage his father has done in response to hearing the truth of his son’s sexuality.

“ _Just keep walking, okay? I’ll get to you._ ”

“I know you will,” murmurs Alec and he wipes the tears from his cheeks and his hand comes back smeared with blood. “I should warn you that I’m bleeding. Don’t freak out. It’s not serious. It’s just like a papercut.”

“ _But it’s not a papercut, is it?”_ Magnus growled down the line. “ _Was it your father, your mother?_ ”

“Father,” Alec confirms. “Mom just kinda… she couldn’t do anything even if she wanted to. I don’t know if she agrees with what he did… she sort of tried to stop him, but… she could’ve done more, you know. I don’t blame her. My dad can be pretty scary when he gets angry like that.” There are pinpricks of light at the end of the road and Alec squints into the distance. “Is that you?”

“ _You should be able to see me by now, yes._ ”

Alec stops walking. He watches the car approach, doesn’t hang up the phone until he sees that it is actually Magnus behind the wheel. He pockets his phone and opens the door to the passenger’s side, climbing into the car and immediately trying to pull his seatbelt on. Magnus grabs him before he can get there, and Alec is forced to look at him. He is crying and Magnus is cradling his cheek and carefully avoiding the cut on his cheekbone.

“Alec,” Magnus says so, so softly.

Alec swallows and lets himself break down there in Magnus’s arms, parked on the side of the road a single street away from his parent’s house. It’s an awkward angle across the parting, but Magnus holds him and lets Alec press his face into his boyfriend’s shoulder, struggling to control his breaths between tearful sobs.

“It’s okay,” utters Magnus, his hand pressed to the side of Alec’s head. “It’s okay. It’s going to be alright. If you need to, you can talk to me when you’re ready. You’re okay.”

Breathing hard, filling his lungs with the scent of Magnus’s clothes, his deodorant and the slightest hint of his sandalwood shampoo, Alec exhales shakily and sits himself upright. “Can I stay with you?” he asks, sniffing back a sob. “Just… Just until I can figure out what I’m doing… I don’t want to go back to the café.”

“Alec, you can stay with me as long as you need to,” says Magnus, his eyes soft and Alec swallows hard at the sincerity in his words and tries to hold the tears at bay.

He fails.

Magnus says nothing, just lets Alec cry into his arms, a jewelled hand cradling the back of his head. He murmurs soft and steady into Alec’s hair and, sobbing there in his boyfriend’s arms, Alec feels more at home than he ever has in any house.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know. Robert is the worst. He always ends up being the worst in everything I write, I don't know why.


	8. The Loft

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus takes Alec back to his loft and does his best to get his boyfriend settled in. Magnus uses his skills to release a secret hidden in White Plains in the hopes of helping his boyfriend. Another relationship milestone is hit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much to @kbl55429, @ByTheAngell, @PhoenixStar73, @slryan05, @Yazys, @master_girl for your comments on the previous chapter.  
> Hope y'all had a good Valentine's day. I spent the entire day beforehand speed-writing a new malec fic 'Roses are Red'. Check it out if you want.

Magnus’s loft is the penthouse of Nightingale Towers in Brooklyn Heights and it all matches his personality so perfectly.

As soon as he enters, Alec is hit with the faint aroma of something sweet-smelling, like perfume or honey, and he breathes in deeply, subtly. The entire place smells like Magnus.

The interior is all gold and bronze and red, exposed brickwork and ornate carpets, intricate latticework and sliding doors. Satin curtains gush lazily across cracked open windows that overlook the city and the river. There are marble busts and abstract art and Alec vaguely thinks that it could be a museum.

Everything is beautiful. Magnus is beautiful. Alec wants to kiss him again, but he thinks he’ll probably ruin it by crying. Of all the things that Alec wants to cry at right now, Magnus is the only one that is motivated purely by gratitude. He wants to cry because Magnus is so generous and so beautiful and Alec is in love with him. He doesn’t know how soon is too soon to tell someone that.

He almost said it after their first night together, but now he has decided that he wants it to be special. He had wanted all the firsts to be special, but everything just seemed to be thrust at them and there was no time to cherish the moments before they had already come and gone. Alec will save his first confession of love for something significant.

“Alec…?”

Magnus’s voice is gentle as it coaxes Alec from his thoughts. His boyfriend blinks softly, lifting a hand to touch Alec arm. “Are you okay? Did you hear me?”

Alec shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I was… I was miles away, sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s completely understandable,” says Magnus. “I was just asking if you wanted to take the spare room, or if you were comfortable with sharing my bed.”

Alec swallows faintly. “You’d be okay with that…? With me in your bed?”

Magnus just smiles softly. “Alec, of course. You’re my boyfriend. We’ve slept together before.”

“Yeah, but that was…” Alec hesitates and waves a non-sensical hand. “That was _sleeping together_.” He puts a hard emphasis on the term. “This would be… just sleeping. In your bed. I wouldn’t want to… to impose or anything.”

Magnus takes his gesturing hand and brings it to his lips, landing a soft kiss on his knuckles. “Alexander, relax… You live here now. Treat this place as your own.” He lets Alec have his hand back. “If you want, I can go and collect your things from your apartment. You don’t have to go back there if you don’t want to.”

Alec shakes his head. “I’ll go later. It’s okay. I’m just… I’m just tired. Do you mind if I… I can sleep on the sofa if you want—”

“Alexander,” says Magnus, sighing softly. “Come to bed, okay?”

Tears fill Alec’s eyes and he nods slowly, letting Magnus take his hand and pull him to his feet. Magnus kisses his cheek and leads him into the bedroom. Magnus gets Alec into bed and leaves him there. A quiet moment is spent on the bedside, Magnus perched on the edge of the mattress, watching Alec succumb to unconsciousness.

He has never seen someone fall asleep so fast. It’s understandable after the day Alec has had.

Magnus strokes a stray lock of hair back from Alec’s forehead before leaving the room, heading across the loft and slipping soundlessly into his study. He fires up the computer there, heading straight into one of the anonymous, untraceable email accounts that his father set up. This one has so far been unused.

Magnus types out a slow and meaningful message, clicking attachments and adding what he had discovered from his outing to White Plains. He is relieved that Alec hasn’t asked what he was doing there. He doesn’t know how his boyfriend would react to the truth. What Magnus unearthed from that picture-perfect town will have unforeseen consequences, but he hopes beyond hope that Alec is happier for it.

Clicking send, Magnus watches the email and all it contained leave his computer and ping across to the recipient. He had found the address in Alec’s phone. He only had the vaguest idea of what kind of woman he was dealing with, but, regardless, if this didn’t spur any reaction from Maryse Lightwood, Magnus was all but out of ideas.

* * *

When Alec wakes, he is alone.

The bed is empty, silk sheets cold and slack beside him, and he sits up, rubbing a hand into his hair in an attempt to smooth out his unruly locks.

“Magnus?” he asks into the dark.

He receives no reply and slides out of bed. He doesn’t check his phone, illuminating silently from the pocket of his trousers which have been haphazardly tossed across the floor, simply picking up a shirt and pulling it on. If he had checked it, he would have found a caller ID pulsing across the screen. If he had checked it, he would have found that it wasn’t the first call that he had missed.

Alec doesn’t have to go far outside the bedroom before he sees the curtains shimmering and shifting in response to the wind drifting through the open door. Magnus is out on the balcony, illuminated by the string lights and the lights of the city, leaning against the wall overlooking the skyline.

The footsteps alert him to Alec’s presence and he glances round, watching as his boyfriend—dressed in nothing but his boxers and his shirt from yesterday—comes to lean beside him. Magnus is in a completely different outfit. Apparently, he didn’t climb in to bed at all. Alec wouldn’t know. He was so exhausted that he fell asleep practically the second his head hit the pillow.

“How long was I asleep?” Alec asks, rubbing his eyes.

Magnus swallows and casts him a gentle look. “You were exhausted… I thought I’d just be better to let you rest, but… well, you slept the whole of yesterday. It’s about seven o’clock Monday evening.”

Alec squints. “I missed a whole day?”

“Alec, it’s alright. I know you weren’t sleeping well at your apartment anyway, and after the day you had yesterday…”

Alec grunts his acknowledgement and stares out at the city below. He doesn’t want to talk about yesterday. Magnus seems to understand that, and doesn’t push him any further.

There’s an unlit cigarette between Magnus’s fingers. He gives Alec an apologetic kind of look, but Alec just shakes his head, gesturing an absent hand to give his permission. He’s not sure why Magnus needs his approval. Today has been crap enough that he should be allowed to smoke just one.

Magnus flicks his lighter and the flame illuminates his face in the darkness. Once the end lights, Magnus drops the lid of his lighter and pockets it, bringing the cigarette to his lips and taking a long drag. As he exhales, he holds it loose over the balcony, suspended between his index and forefinger.

Alec huffs and takes it. His bitterness for his family is dictating his actions. His mother used to say she wouldn’t feed him for a month if he ever even looked at a cigarette. He doesn’t necessarily want to take the habit as Magnus had. He just wants to spite his mother, even if she will never know about it. He won’t get to speak to her again.

He places the cigarette between his lips and sucks in. It burns his lungs and he coughs with a distinct lack of grace, taking it away and Magnus grabs it.

“Christ, Alec…”

“That’s disgusting,” says Alec, his eyes watering.

Magnus hums and stubs it out on the wall of his balcony, crushing the embers against the stone. “Yeah… I need to stop making excuses of being stressed. I’ll get nicotine patches next time I go out.” He glances to Alec, his eyes narrowed and anxious. “Are you okay? Do you want some water?”

Alec shakes his head. Magnus doesn’t ask which question he is replying to. He knows that it’s both.

“Alec, I’m so sorry.”

Again, Alec just shakes his head. A lump of grief is threatening to choke his throat, his drowsy mind awoken by the sharp sting of tobacco. God, he can’t even look Magnus in the eye. He can’t bear to see the disappointment so often seen in the eyes of his parents reflected in golden irises.

“I understand if you just want to forget about this, but you can talk to me if you need to.” Magnus gently clasps a hand over Alec’s forearm, and his boyfriend turns his head away slightly. “Alexander…”

“I lost it,” Alec admits in a whisper, tears filling his eyes as he stares down at the city. His fingers clenched against the stone, nails scraping uncomfortably. “Magnus, I lost your necklace. The chain… My father grabbed it and it snapped and I lost it. I’m sorry, I—I wanted to go back for it, but my father… I was scared, and I know that’s cowardly, but—”

“Alec,” Magnus interrupts him, his tone firm enough to force Alec’s tongue to curl back in his mouth, his voice cutting off immediately. “It wasn’t safe for you there. We don’t know what your father is capable of.” He lifts a hand and presses it to Alec’s jaw, coaxing his head to turn and face him. “Alexander… I don’t care about the chain. I care about _you_.”

“But what you said… about what it meant. It was important, Magnus. It was… It was _us_.”

Magnus’s eyes narrow and he smooths his thumb over Alec’s cheek. “Baby, it’s okay…” _Baby_ , Alec’s mind echoes wondrously, and he closes his eyes and leans his head against Magnus’s touch. “That chain was a gift, but that’s all. It wasn’t us, because we’re here… I can give you another. I have a lot of necklaces, Alec, but they don’t represent what we have.”

Alec swallows and he can’t hold it in any longer. He had wanted to save it, but he can’t, he just can’t. The lights from the city below illuminate Magnus’s face and Alec knows for certain now. “Magnus…” he says and blinks falteringly past his tears. “I love you.”

Magnus stares at him, giving nothing away behind a carefully shrouded gaze. Alec waits, panicking more than he’d like to admit, but Magnus just smiles and takes Alec’s hand, squeezes tightly. “I love you too…”

Alec gapes soundlessly a moment, grabbing Magnus’s shoulders and kissing him deep and forceful. He tastes like smoke and it’s dusty and dirty, but Alec doesn’t care. Magnus’s hands slide up his waist and pull him in. Alec feels _wanted_. Magnus wants him there. It might be the strangest and best feeling in the world.

They make their way back inside, Alec leading the way and dragging Magnus along with him.

Alec gets Magnus to sit against the headboard, straddling him for best access to his lips and his throat and he kisses Magnus like the world outside is burning. Magnus’s hips rock up against him, seeking stimulation that Alec happily provides, moving in sync with his boyfriend.

Something suspiciously close to a whine breaks Magnus’s lips when Alec pulls away, but he inhales it back when Alec shifts himself down, hands busy on Magnus’s belt.

“Alec,” he murmurs and Alec hushes him softly, and Magnus is quiet as his jeans are pulled down past his hips.

He isn’t quiet for long after that.

Magnus utters ‘God’ so many times that the whole room feels consecrated. Apparently what Alec is doing is good. Magnus tells him as much, praising him like he’s a minor deity, and Alec’s entire body is on fire. Magnus’s hand wrenches hard into his hair. Alec can’t express his pleasure in anything but muffled moans, but Magnus seems to understand what he means, and keeps tugging at the thick locks atop his head.

When they are finished, they undress fully and curl up facing one another on the bed, so close that their noses brush together. It is all hot breaths and sleepy smiles into languished kisses.

“I meant it,” says Alec, still a little breathless, holding Magnus against his chest in the dark. “You know I meant it, don’t you? I love you.”

“I know, Alexander. I love you too.” Magnus hums and kisses along Alec’s collarbone. “And I love what you can do with your mouth. Are there any other hidden talents I should know about?”

Alec huffs softly and shakes his head. His face is flushed. “God, you… you really don’t a filter, do you?”

Magnus smiles. “Why filter good sex…? And you are… _so_ good, Alexander. I mean, it’s difficult to believe you were a virgin before us.”

Lifting a hand to stroke his fingers through Magnus’s hair, Alec blinks up at him. His eyes are round with awe and longing, and he knows he looks such a lovestruck idiot, but he can’t stop. “It’s true, but… well, it doesn’t mean I didn’t learn things about myself. I mean… what I did, that was… it was okay?”

Magnus sighs and kisses the tip of Alec’s nose. “More than okay, baby…”

“Would you, uh… Would you like to go again?”

A sly smile spread across Magnus’s face. “Perhaps a little break first. Get some food in you.” Alec’s expression falls and Magnus clicks his tongue and leans down, breath hot against Alec’s ear. “But after that… We can try whatever you like. Do you have anything in mind now or can I make a few suggestions?”

Alec shudders and blinks low. “Well, uh, I… I might have had a few things that I wanted to… to maybe try out. Things I couldn’t try on my own.”

“Hmm,” Magnus purrs softly in his ear. “Well, whatever it is, I’m sure it can be arranged.” He pushes himself up from Alec’s chest and Alec wants to whine or pull him back or both. “Food first, okay? I’ve got some takeaway menus in the kitchen. Let me grab them for you. You can pick one out for us.”

Alec swallows hard and sits up to watch Magnus step gracefully out of bed, completely naked and utterly stunning. His boyfriend smiles at him over his shoulder before leaving the room.

Sighing softly, Alec arranges the pillows against the headboard behind him and slouches back against them. It feels so right to be here. He and Magnus are like a normal couple, sleeping in the same bed and ordering in takeaway. Alec almost feels like he has a normal life again. He wants this, with Magnus. He wants this to last so, so badly that he thinks he might be sick.

Magnus is perfect and he’s beautiful and Alec loves him. He is so sure that they are meant to be together. He is hyperaware that it’s probably way too early in the relationship to be thinking that way, but he can’t help himself. Magnus brings out the mindless romantic side of him. Alec is sure it must be good in a way.

He sinks into the pillows and watches Magnus return with a stack of takeaways menus, smiling absently at some story Magnus is telling him about some nightmare takeaway place he went to once. He’s not entirely listening; he’s too busy watching Magnus’s lips move as he speaks. It’s about cats now, how Magnus gets them up on his balcony a lot, how he started putting cream out for them and it’s gotten to a point of earning trust.

Hands closing around Magnus jacket, Alec pulls him down into a crushing kiss. Magnus chuckles and sinks into it, falling onto Alec when his boyfriend tugs him over.

“You’re gorgeous,” says Alec, kissing him hot and open-mouthed. “You are. You’re so beautiful.”

“Hey, easy,” Magnus murmurs, taking Alec’s hands and prising them from his hips. “Easy, baby… Eat first. You’ve gone way too long without food. Pick out a menu, okay? Anything you want. We can get it delivered.”

Alec nods and does as he’s told, flipping through the menus as Magnus hands them to him. “Yeah, of course…" He skims through a menu and lifts his gaze to Magnus's dark, golden eyes. "How do you feel about Chinese?”

Magnus smiles and kisses Alec’s temple. “It’s a date.”


	9. A Mother's Love: An Ineffable Vow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec accepts a call from his mother and she meets him at Magnus's loft to discuss the events of the family dinner. Action has been taken as a result of the email she received anonymously from Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @PhoenixStar73, @ByTheAngell, @Jemma, @TheBigSmile, @master_girl for your lovely comments on the previous chapter. Seriously, reading your comments are the best part of my week. You guys have no idea how much I treasure your words.

“Alec…? Alec, sweetheart?”

The voice breaks through a dreamless sleep, a lifeline in groggy, uncertain darkness, and Alec hums, lifts his head from the pillow. “I’m awake,” he mumbles and rubs at bleary, half-open eyes, squinting at the sunlight drifting through the satin curtains. “What’s goin’ on?”

“You have like a hundred new messages and missed calls. I’m just worried that maybe something might have happened. Do you want to call them back?”

Alec frowns and blinks up at Magnus, who leans over him and strokes his hair back. He is framed by the sun, the light bright and golden and casting structured, dramatic shadows across his face. He’s gorgeous, but, exhausted as he is, Alec can only squint up at him. “Who’s callin’ me?”

“You’ve got a lot of texts from your brother, missed calls from your sister and your mother… You have about twenty voicemails. I don’t know what it’s all about, but they date back to the night… well, when you moved in, so I can only assume it’s regarding that.” He pauses and holds Alec’s phone up so his boyfriend can see the caller ID flashing up on the screen. “And your mother’s calling you again now.”

“God damnit,” says Alec, reaching up to take his phone and swiping the bar onto ‘accept’. He shouldn’t accept the call when he’s only just woken up—it tends to bring out his grumpy side—and part of him wants to ask Magnus to throw his phone out the window. He doesn’t. “What?” he grumbles as he takes the phone to his ear.

“ _Oh, Alec, thank god. I’ve been calling you since yesterday. I thought something had happened!_ ”

Alec sits up in the bed, casting a grateful look up at Magnus when his boyfriend kisses his temple and leaves the room, pulling the door shut behind him. He sighs into the phone. “What do you care if something happened to me?”

“ _Alec, Isabelle said you didn’t show up to work this morning. She hasn’t heard from you. She told me that you’ve been hanging around with a guy with a motorbike?_ ” Of course, there it is. “ _Alec, sweetheart, I know you’re an adult and you can make your own decisions, but I need to make sure you’re okay, that you’re safe._ ”

“I’m fine, mom.”

His mother hesitates a moment and there’s a slow exhale on her end of the line. “ _Alec, I need to see you. There’s things I need to explain—_ ”

“Mom, seriously, what is there to talk about?” asks Alec, raking a rough hand into his hair. “Dad kicked me out. You let him. I’m not going back to the café and dad will never let me see any of you again. So, thanks for the concern, but I’m fine.”

“ _Sweetheart, please, just tell me where you are. I know you might never want to see me again… but if you could just let me… just one more time, you don’t have to see me again after that if you don’t want. Please, Alec. I need to see you. I need to know that you’re safe_.”

Alec sighs softly and shakes his head in disbelief. “Damnit… okay, okay, fine. You know Nightingale Towers, Brooklyn Heights? I’m in the penthouse.”

“ _Alec, what on earth are you doing there?_ ”

“The penthouse is my boyfriend’s loft,” says Alec, honest and blunt. “I don’t live at the flat above the café anymore. I’m staying with Magnus until I figure out what to do.”

“ _Oh, your boyfriend… Okay, I—I’ll be right over_.”

Alec hangs up without saying goodbye.

“Magnus,” he called through the barely open door, sliding himself out of bed. “We’re gonna have company.”

It goes down surprisingly easy with Magnus. Alec had been expecting him to fight it, to refuse access to the woman who had all but abandoned Alec just a couple of nights prior. Magnus doesn’t. He kisses Alec and marvels over him for ‘being so forgiving’ until Alec blushes and angles his head away, murmuring that they should prepare themselves for his mother.

Magnus hums and glances around the loft. The place is spotless.

Alec smiles sheepishly. “I’m sorry… I guess I’m a little stressed.”

“You can always refuse her, Alec,” says Magnus. “You can say no.”

Shaking his head, Alec gives a slow sigh and ducks his gaze. “I know, but… Magnus, she’s my mother. She didn’t do anything wrong. She didn’t do anything, that’s why I’m angry with her, but I can’t just cut her out of my life. I guess I just… I never got to see how she took the whole gay thing.”

Magnus narrows his eyes. “I can’t promise she’ll take it well, but… if she wants to see you then she’s at least trying… You need to take that as a win.”

Alec regards him a long moment. He knows this is inappropriate. He knows that Magnus’s family life had been less than perfect, physically abusive even, but he wants to know everything about his boyfriend. Magnus meets his gaze levelly, and some kind of soft realisation comes to his eyes.

“Ah… you want to know what happened to my mother.”

It isn’t even posed as a question.

“Not if you don’t want to tell me,” says Alec, desperate not to push Magnus away. “I just… I want to know you, Magnus. I do want to know, but… when you’re ready, y’know?”

“She had a lot of problems,” Magnus utters, lifting his gaze to his boyfriend and blinking slow and steady. “Mental health issues, and my step-father wouldn’t take her seriously, he didn’t get her help. He was an asshole. He made everything worse, but she wouldn’t leave him because she was afraid of being alone… She killed herself, Alec.”

Alec is quiet for a moment. He doesn’t even meet Magnus’s eyes, just throws his arms around his boyfriend, pulling him in for a firm, but careful hug. Magnus huffs in surprise and Alec cradles a hand to the back of his head, swallowing hard and willing the heat back from his eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” he whispers. “I shouldn’t have pressured you to talk about it. I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay, Alexander,” Magnus murmurs softly into his shoulder. “It was a long time ago. It’s okay.”

Alec just holds him. He had known Magnus’s mother was dead, but now knowing how it had happened it just seems so much more tragic. His boyfriend hums and gently prises himself from Alec’s grasp, holding his arms a moment longer to keep him close.

“I’ve got a few things to do, okay? You get dressed and then just relax until your mother gets here. Oh, if you answer the door and it’s not your mother, give me a call. It might be one of my colleagues from work.”

Alec nods and leans in to accept the kiss Magnus presses to his cheek, watching his boyfriend turn to wander into the kitchen, calling back over his shoulder about putting something out for the cats.

Alec does his best to follow Magnus’s advice, but, try as he might, he can’t seem to relax. He dresses himself quickly and thoughtlessly and proceeds to pace the floors of the loft, picking things up and putting them back down in almost exactly the same position. He wants to help Magnus, but he doesn’t know anything about cats, and he’s so concerned to see his mother that there’s nothing for him to do except wait.

When the doorbell rings, Alec’s heart sinks to his stomach. Magnus is out on the balcony. His has filled three bowls to the brim with cream. Cats are flocked around him. Sat cross-legged on the floor, Magnus smiles softly and kneads behind the ear of the closest one, and Alec knows he can’t fetch him back inside for this. His boyfriend just looks way too happy to be dragged into Alec’s family nightmare.

He strides open to the door and takes a deep breath before his hand closes around the handle. Sucking in a deep breath, he pulls the door open.

It’s expected, but he still finds himself recoiling slightly at the sight of his mother. After all, this woman had played a part in the trauma of his past, the internalised homophobia he had suffered and worked through all by himself with exactly zero support from his family. His mother had been kinder than Robert, it was true, but part of Alec still resented her for her silence all these years.

“Mom,” he greets, swallowing hard and forcing himself to meet her eyes. “Hi.”

“Alec,” his mother breathes and takes half a step forward. She halts when Alec moves back a little. “Sweetheart, I… How are you? Are you alright?”

Alec nods and it’s a lie. “I’m fine.” He clears his throat and scuffs the heel of his shoe against the floor. “Sorry I didn’t return your calls sooner. I slept for practically the whole of yesterday. Caught up on a lot of missed sleep though, so I guess that’s good.”

Maryse narrows her eyes in concern. “Sweetie, have you not been sleeping?”

Alec huffs and glances away. He doesn’t respond to that. His mother should know, she should have realised how sleep deprived Alec had been recently. He wants her to have realised. Part of him knows that’s unrealistic. She never noticed him before, it wouldn’t make sense for her to start now.

His mother swallows and reaches to gently touch his arm. “Alec…”

“This was a mistake,” says Alec, shaking his head. “I… I don’t think I want to see you, not like this. I just… I’m sorry. I wanted to let you explain, but… I don’t think I want to hear it.”

He starts to push the door shut, but his mother braces a hand against its surface. “Alec,” says his mother as he holds the door open. “Sweetheart... I’ve left your father.”

For a moment, Alec can do nothing but stare. “You what?”

“It was partly because of what he said to you, partly because… because he was cheating on me,” she explains and she blinks and her face hardens, “with some dippy receptionist at his firm. I got an anonymous email with enough evidence to damn him… I guess it must have been one of his co-workers who found out, maybe the girl felt guilty. I received it the night Robert …”

She shakes her head. “Alec, I... I should have done more to stop him from saying those things. I shouldn’t have let him speak to you like that and I should’ve left him sooner. He definitely shouldn’t have called you... that.”

Alec ducks his gaze and manages a non-committal shrug. “Didn’t seem like the best idea to try and reason with him.”

“I’m your mother, Alec. It’s my job to protect you.”

Alec shakes his head. “No, it’s not. It’s alright. It’s not your fault… Mom,” he murmurs and cautiously lifts his gaze to her own, “about me... being gay...”

“Oh, Alec, sweetheart,” his mother says and reaches out to touch his arm. “You’re my son and I love you. Nothing you could do or say will ever change that. Whether you’re gay or straight, it doesn’t matter. I—I mean of course it matters, but...”

“It’s okay,” repeats Alec.

There’s movement from behind him, Magnus’s footsteps on the floors of the loft, and Alec bites the inside of his cheek. He had hoped to get through this without Magnus’s involvement. He didn’t even know if she was alright with his sexuality, and now he has to deal with however his mother reacts to Magnus’s character.

“Baby, who is it?” Magnus asks and Alec opens the door wider so he can see, glancing over his shoulder to watch his boyfriend approach.

“Magnus,” he murmurs, swallowing hard when Magnus puts an arm around his waist, gazing in a polite curiosity out the door, “this is my mother. Mom, this is my boyfriend, Magnus.”

Magnus lets out a little breath of realisation. Maryse blinks rapidly for a split second before she’s glancing between them and starting a worried little smile, like she isn’t sure how she’ll be received.

“Hi, I… I’m Maryse,” she introduces herself and Magnus takes her offered hand in a light hold. “Alec’s… told me a little about you.”

“Magnus Bane… and likewise.” He glances to Alec, squeezing his waist a little, before turning his attention back on Maryse. “Will you be joining us for lunch?”

It’s a question that is directed as much at Alec as it is at Maryse. As little as Magnus knows of the details of that night, he does know that Maryse didn’t defend Alec in his time of need. Alec is grateful to his boyfriend for offering him a choice in the matter. He loves that Magnus understands him enough to do that.

“That’s very kind of you, but I… well, I wouldn’t think to impose.”

“You’re not,” says Alec decisively, and his mother’s eyes narrow in gratitude at the softness in his eyes and his voice as he adds, “I want you to stay.”

“Let me set another place at the table,” Magnus murmurs and leans up to kiss Alec’s temple. There’s something possessive about that, like he’s trying to show Maryse that Alec is _his_ now, and Alec doesn’t mind one bit. He wants to be Magnus’s. “Call if you need me, okay?”

Alec nods, mouthing his thanks, and watches Magnus wander back to the kitchen. He turns to his mother, trying to gauge her feelings on what his life has become. She is smiling cautiously, subtle and almost scared, but it is there. Alec hopes that it means she’s happy for him.

He opens the door for her, a careful smile across his face, and he really hopes that this isn’t a mistake.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, this chapter was like 90% dialogue. Phone calls will do that to ya.


	10. The Chain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's mother has come to visit the loft. Magnus hosts a lunch and Alec has a long-coming talk alone with his mother. She warns him against moving too quickly in his relationship with Magnus. Something lost is returned.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hit the ten-chapter milestone! Thank you so much to my commenters on the last chapter @TheBigSmile, @Vallier, @PhoenixStar73, @ByTheAngell, @master_girl, and thanks to everyone who left kudos/bookmarked or even just made it this far into the story!

It’s a little awkward.

Magnus has set another place at the table, just like he promised, three bowls of soup balanced steady on plates with two pieces of cheese-covered garlic bread on each. Alec pulls out his mother’s chair for her on one side before wandering around the table to sit beside Magnus on the other. He kisses his boyfriend’s cheek as he sits, murmuring soft gratitude and compliments on the lunch.

Alec’s mother does her best to make conversation, but something about it feels forced. She thanks Magnus for the food, admires his cooking skills. When she asks where he learned, Magnus’s easy charismatic smile is crooked and hiding a darkness that Alec has learned to associate with memories of his past.

“I had to cook for myself a lot as a child,” is all Magnus says, and he casts Alec a gentle look when his boyfriend touches his hand. He gives his head a small shake to let Alec know that he’s alright. It’s not entirely convincing, but Alec accepts it.

“So, uh…” Maryse utters a few minutes later, glancing between Magnus and Alec. “How did you meet?”

Alec swallows hard and almost chokes on his bread, managing to keep it subtle enough to prevent the others from noticing. “Uh, well… Magnus came into the café a lot. Every day at five to twelve, and… well, I happened to serve him one time and… yeah, he asked me out.”

Magnus huffs softly in amusement and Alec glances to him. Somehow, despite everything, Alec has already forgotten how beautiful Magnus looks when he smiles properly like that, like how the laughter is bright right up to his eyes. “You’re forgetting how you avoided serving me for weeks on end.”

“Wait, you actually knew about that? That I was avoiding you on purpose? I thought you were joking when you said that.”

Magnus chuckles and leans over to kiss Alec’s cheek. “Darling, you are not at all as subtle as you think you are.”

Alec closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Okay, now I feel stupid.”

“Now there’s no need for that, Alexander,” says Magnus, his golden irises soft and full of love and adoration. “You’re incredibly endearing.”

Alec chuckles softly and turns back to his lunch. He catches his mother’s eye mid-turn and she is smiling and watching them both with soft eyes. Alec had almost forgotten she was even there. Magnus is just so compelling every time he speaks and smiles. His eyes glow gold and light up and Alec loves seeing happy.

“Uh, yeah,” says Alec, clearing his throat. “So, that’s how that happened.”

“That’s very sweet,” Maryse replies, her tone completely ingenuous, and Alec casts her an appreciative smile.

It gets easier to talk to her after that. Magnus helps a lot, taking the lead in many branches of the conversations. Magnus has a magnetic personality. Alec sometimes doesn’t find it easy to speak to people, but—with Magnus—it’s different. Magnus is beautiful and charismatic and so easy to open up to, and Alec is so in love. He hopes his mother understands that.

Alec cautiously asks about her, about where she’s living now, and she just smiles and tells him not to worry, that she found a really good deal on a little bookshop/flat combination down in prospect heights. Magnus smiles softly at her, saying that he and Alec will have to visit her there at some point.

Maryse’s eyes soften at that and a gentle clarity enters her eyes. “Well, you’re both welcome any time…”

When they have all finished eating, Magnus stands, waves Alec and Maryse down when they both try to help. He insists that Maryse is his guest. Gathering the dishes in a pile, he leans over to kiss Alec’s temple.

“I’m going to let you two talk,” he murmurs, his words only for Alec. “Shout if you need me, alright?”

Alec nods and watches him leave, eyes narrowed softly. When the kitchen door closes behind him, Alec turns back to his mother. He opens his mouth to speak, but nothing comes out. God, his mind has gone completely blank. Every single coherent thought has left his brain and everything he had wanted to say to his mother has been forgotten.

Maryse is standing by this point, pushing herself up from her chair and cautiously walking over and sitting beside her son in Magnus’s vacant seat.

“Alec, sweetheart, I have something to give you.”

Alec swallows hard, managing to find his voice once more. “Mom, it’s not that I don’t appreciate everything you’re doing, but… you don’t need to do this. I don’t need you to give me anything. Magnus has money and he says he can help me find a job. He’s got, uh… friends in convenient places, I think he said. So, thanks, but I—I’m okay.”

Maryse casts him a soft look and takes something from her pocket. She holds it out to him between her fingers and Alec’s heart lodges in his throat because there, dangling from his mother’s fingers, shining silver and completely whole, is Magnus’s chain.

Alec flits his eyes between the chain and his mother’s eyes and, for a long moment, he can’t speak. “I…” he begins and shakes his head. “Mom, how did you…?”

“I picked it up after… Well, it was in the ashes of the fireplace and I just picked it up. I could see it was important to you. I took it to a jeweller and they fixed the broken links. It’s kind of the main reason I called you. I can understand if you didn’t want to see me, but I wanted to give this back to you in person.”

There’s a moment of almost perfect silence and Alec knows that Magnus isn’t taking this long with the dishes. His boyfriend is tactfully giving him time with his mother. Alec loves him for understanding, but he does wish that Magnus didn’t feel the need to do that, to hide himself from Alec’s life.

“Magnus gave it to me,” admits Alec, taking the chain when his mother offers it. It’s warm and solid between his fingers. He stares at it when he speaks again. “I love him, mom, I really do.”

His mother nods slowly. “I know, Alec. I see the way you look at him… but, sweetheart, please be careful.”

Alec frowns at that and lifts his head, taken aback by her words. “What’d you mean by that?”

Maryse takes his hand and rubs a thumb over his knuckles. “I know this is big for you, okay? I understand how much this relationship means, but… Alec, I don’t want to see you get hurt. Not everyone is good. Sometimes people will hurt you, and sometimes it’s unavoidable. If anything happens—if you have any doubts at all—then, please, call me. I’ll come and get you. You can live with me.”

“Mom,” Alec says, a little firmer now and his mother blinks anxiously. “I love Magnus. He _is_ good. He’s good for _me_. I’ve never felt like this before.”

“That’s what I’m worried about… You’ve never dated before and you and Magnus… you’re moving very fast, you know that, don’t you? You know this isn’t how people usually date. I mean, you’ve already moved in with him.” His mother narrows her eyes and squeezes her son’s hand. “I want you to promise that you’ll call me if you’re ever rethinking this, okay? That’s all I’m trying to say.”

Alec hesitates. “It’s because he rides a motorbike, isn’t it?” That manages to get a huff of amusement from her and Alec smiles softly. “Look, mom, nothing’s going to happen. But, yeah, okay? Yes, I’ll call you if I change my mind.”

His mother nods slowly, apparently accepting that. Alec lifts the chain back over his head, not bothering to tuck it beneath his shirt, letting stay clear and visible against the dark fabric. When Magnus returns, his eyes drift to Alec’s chest and a soft smile curls his lips.

Maryse stands and brushes her dress out. “I should probably be going.”

“Mom, are you sure?” Alec asks, a little thrown off by the abruptness of it. “You don’t have to.”

“Yes, I promised Isabelle I’d visit her at the café. I told her I was going to see you and… well, I think your siblings have been looking for news for a few days. I… I told them what your… what Robert said to you, and about the affair. They’re worried about you, sweetheart.”

“Yeah, I know,” says Alec. “I’ve got like twenty missed called from Jace and Izzy. I’ll get back to them, it’s okay.”

They walk her to the door. Alec’s heart is heavy for it, like he’ll miss her when she leaves. He isn’t used to that feeling. It must mean that he trusts her again. Magnus smiles at her when they reach the hallway, when she turns to them before leaving.

“We’ll be seeing more of you, I hope.”

Maryse look to him, a pleased, almost grateful look softening her eyes. “I’d like that…”

Alec hugs her farewell, accepting the kiss she presses to his cheek, uttering a reply to her giving her love. She pauses before exiting and turns back to them. Instead of turning on Alec again, she faces Magnus and takes a breath.

“I don’t know what Alec told you about me, but… I—I know sometimes I’m not very liberal and… I just want you to know that I think you’re good for Alec. It’s like I’m seeing him for the first time. I haven’t seen him this happy in… in far too long, and I think it’s because of you, so… so thank you for taking care of him like you have.”

She steps forwards and wraps Magnus in a firm hug. He exhales out a strained kind of breath, like he has never been hugged before in his life and, god, from what Alec has heard about his childhood, Magnus probably isn’t used to hugs in the slightest. Lifting his arms, Magnus hesitantly puts them around Maryse.

Swallowing hard, Alec watches them. He wants this so badly. He wants Magnus to have a place in his family like this, wants him to be accepted by his mother and his siblings as Alec’s lover for a long-term basis. Alec wants it for as long as Magnus will have him. He hopes to God that Magnus will stay with him.

Maryse releases him, gives them both one final smile and leaves the apartment with a gentle wave of her hand. She closes the door behind her and Alec lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding in.

Magnus turns to him, presses a hand to his cheek and Alec leans into his touch, sighing softly as he reaches to hold Magnus’s wrist, hold him in place. “Thank you,” he whispers, turning his head to kiss Magnus’s palm. “You didn’t have to do that. Host, I mean.”

“Have you met me?” Magnus chuckles. “I am the king of hosting.” He pauses a moment, taking his hand from Alec’s face. “How did it go? With your mother I mean. When I went to do the dishes, I thought you might want some time to just… talk.”

Alec nods. “Thank you for doing that, you didn’t have to go, but…” He huffs softly and shakes his head. “I want you to be comfortable around my family, but I get it if you aren’t yet. After what my dad did, I suppose it’ll be difficult for me to fully trust any of them for a while… Mom was fine though. She gave me back the chain. Apparently, she picked it up after my dad… broke it.”

Magnus tilts his head, sympathy soft in his eyes. “That was kind of her.” His eyes and hand moved to the chain, running slow fingers across the silver links laid against Alec’s chest. “You didn’t tuck it away this time…”

“I know,” Alec says, stepping closer and holding the back of Magnus’s hand so his palm presses flush against his chest. “I want everyone to see that I… I’m yours… if you still want me.”

Magnus clicks his tongue and his free hand comes to Alec’s cheek. “Alec, sweetheart… I don’t own you. You know that, don’t you? I don’t tend to enjoy possessive language in a relationship if that’s okay, but… I still love you, of course.”

Alec smiles softly. “Okay, no possession. Check.” He leans forward to kiss Magnus, deep and true and entirely uninterrupted. His tongue darted out to wet his lips when they broke apart. “I love you too.”

Magnus tries to pull away, but Alec doesn’t let him. He can’t quite figure out why he’s so against the idea of having Magnus apart from him right now. Perhaps he’s more affected by reconciling with his mother than he first realised. All he knows is that he wants Magnus to stay. Heat stings his eyes and he doesn’t know why.

“Alexander… baby, it’s okay…”

“I’m sorry,” Alec mutters, lifting a hand to wipe at his eyes. “I don’t even know why I’m crying.”

Magnus’s eyes soften. “You don’t need a reason,” he says, stepping forward so he’s pressed up against Alec’s chest. “I’m here, okay? I’m right here.”

Alec swallows hard and wraps his arms around Magnus, holding him tight and close. Magnus kisses his cheek and his arms settle around Alec’s sides, hands clutching into the fabric across the back of his shirt.

Alec closes his eyes and breathes him in. His hair smells sweet and woody, and his earrings are pressed against Alec’s jaw, rings pressed into his back. The chain rests comfortably around his throat. There are so many sensations that come with Magnus, so many that Alec had never even thought he would experience or enjoy, but, standing here right now, Alec never wants to let him go.

He holds tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter just did not want to cooperate with me. Cannot believe I actually got it done in time.


	11. A Day in the New Life of Alec Lightwood

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec is left for a day without Magnus when his boyfriend goes to work. He has a conversation with Jace over the phone, snoops around Magnus's apartment and finds something maybe he wishes he hadn't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to those who left a comment on the last chapter: @AmyIsARealPhelps, @PhoenixStar73, @ByTheAngell, @master_girl, @Vallier.

Magnus leaves him for the day and Alec finds that he is a lot more reliant on him for entertainment than he realised.

Magnus goes to work— _just some follow-ups on a few investments,_ he tells Alec—and he kisses his boyfriend goodbye on his way out the door. Without him, Alec spends the morning menially, eating breakfast, showering, (eventually) dressing—nothing fancy, just casual in a white vest shirt and black jogging bottoms—and finally sorting out the missed activity on his phone.

He calls Isabelle first—she tells him she loves him, she’s proud of him, tells him to be careful. Then he calls Jace. Both of them express sympathies and support. If they had shown even the slightest support before now, they wouldn’t be in this position. Alec supposes that’s on him for not telling them, but he’s too bitter to care.

When he’s on the phone with Jace, his brother expresses this before he can even think about doing so.

“ _Y’know, if you told me about the whole… the gay thing before, then I would’ve been okay with it._ ”

Alec swallows hard and takes a breath to still his anger. “No, you wouldn’t,” he says, and cuts off Jace when he tries to protest. “I’m not saying it’s your fault. Despite growing up in the same household, I was raised differently to you. I had pressures to be… perfect. Mom and dad always drilled into me that I was never good enough, that I should be more like you.”

“ _How is that my fault?_ ”

“Jace, please, just shut up and listen for a moment,” snaps Alec, pinching the bridge of his nose. “When I say there was pressure to be perfect, it also means that there was pressure for me to be straight. Mom wanted grandchildren and dad wanted his dumb legacy. It was never explicitly said, but I knew that being gay just wasn’t an option. Being _me_ wasn’t an option, because I didn’t fit into _perfect_. You did and… shit, Jace, some part of me resented you for that.”

“ _You resented_ me _?_ ” Jace asks, a disbelieving jilt to his tone. “ _Alec, I was the orphan dumped on your doorstep. Why would you want my life?_ ”

Alec sighs and shakes his head. “I just wanted something to be easy. You being blonde and handsome and straight, dad loved you more than he ever loved me. As much as he tried to deny it, he knew—like, he could sense—that there was something wrong with me.”

Jace is quiet for a moment. “ _Alec, nothing’s wrong with you. Mom told me what dad said to you… As much as she could manage anyway… You know he’s the one who’s wrong, right? He’s a homophobic asshole and he cheated on our mom._ ”

“Yeah, I know those are the things you’d focus on,” says Alec and he pauses and sighs. “Jace, I need you to understand that dad, he… he abused me, and it wasn’t physical so no one noticed, but it still… it hurt me and it screwed up my life. It was a lot of emotional, economic abuse, blackmail to make me live where he wanted and do what he wanted.”

“ _Alec…_ ” Jace utters and he sounds utterly stricken. “ _I… I had no idea. I’m sorry, I should have seen it. How could I not see it?_ ”

Alec huffs. “Well, we both hid it pretty well… I didn’t realise what it was until recently, I just knew I wasn’t happy. I didn’t understand the extent of the problem… but when I figured it out, I realised I didn’t have to put up with it… That’s why we had that fight. That anonymous email to mom… that was just lucky. Now I never have to see him again, but I can still see all of you.”

“ _Alec, even if that hadn’t happened—even if mom hadn’t found out about the cheating and even if she’d stayed with him—you know I wouldn’t have abandoned you, right…? You’re my brother… I’ll never abandon you.”_

Part of Alec wants to keep arguing with him, but he knows it will do no good. “Thanks, Jace,” he murmurs. “I’ll talk to you again soon, okay?”

“ _Yeah_ ,” Jace replied, clearly sensing the ending of their phone call and deciding not the argue. “ _Yeah, okay. Call me if you need to talk. I’ll be back in New York in a week anyway. I’ll come see you at your new place._ ”

“It’s not actually my place. It’s Magnus’s place,”

“ _You know what I mean._ ”

“Yeah,” Alec says, absently getting to his feet and scuffing his heel against the ground. “I’ll see you then… Love you.”

“ _Love you too, buddy._ ”

Alec ends the call and tosses his phone onto the bed, running a hand into his hair in the simple relief of tying up all his missed messages and calls. He casts an absent glance around the room, wandering hands moving over Magnus’s belongings. There are books here and there, a statue or two, a crystal on the windowsill that casts the sunlight in bouncing rays.

It feels like home in a very specific way. In Magnus’s way. His make-up is arranged meticulously on a dresser beside the wardrobe. Alec absently picks up one of two of the objects, but his limited knowledge means that he quickly loses interest. Magnus likes eyeliner and Alec thinks he looks amazing either way. That’s as far as his knowledge extends.

His eyes come to rest on the bedside table—the one on Magnus’s side—and he smiles softly. He hadn’t noticed before, but there is a glass sphere there, encasing a soft, pink rose head. Alec recognises it immediately. He will never forget what that flower looks like, and he knows it is the one he had given Magnus on their very first date. His boyfriend had apparently had it preserved into a paperweight. Alec can’t help but smile.

The rose head paperweight is sat upon a few slips of paper, and Alec cautiously lifts it aside so he can see. Underneath lies: Magnus’s ticket from their date to the Aquarium, and a receipt from _Little Bella_. Alec turns his head awkwardly to get a better look.

** Little Bella **

**Coffee__$2.40 _  
_+sugar__$0.10 _  
_+cream__$0.25  
+cream__$0.25**

**Total__$3.00**

*****  
Today you were served by Alec**

Alec peeks at the back of the receipt to see that the date matches up. It is from the first time Alec ever served him. Magnus had kept it.

Something about that fills Alec’s heart with warmth. The fact that Magnus treasures little things like that is somehow so telling of his nature. Magnus is sentimental. Alec had never seen him as such before now, but this is all the evidence he needs.

It won’t stop him looking a little further, however. Maybe he should have stopped.

Absently peeking down, Alec sees that the bedside table is equipped with a drawer, bronze-handled and sealed with a latch. It doesn’t even occur to Alec that it might be latched for a reason. It isn’t difficult to undo after all. It’s not as though Magnus put a real lock on it.

Sliding the unlatched drawer open, Alec blinks hard and stands, startled by what he finds waiting for him in the hollowed wood.

Alec is not at all familiar with guns, so he can’t possibly begin to guess at a make or model. The surface is matte black and its presence is daunting. Alec absently reaches into the drawer, planning on handling it, but pausing before his fingers can touch the weapon. This is Magnus’s drawer. It is not for Alec to go snooping and touching, and he’s already done one out of the two.

In all honesty, Alec considers calling his mother right then and there. He had _promised_ after all. _No_ , he decides firmly and slides the drawer shut again. This is not enough to make him leave Magnus. A lot of people have guns nowadays. It’s not as though Alec is crazy about the idea, but it’s certainly not a dealbreaker.

He will talk to Magnus about it, however. Magnus will explain things, tell him that he never uses it and that it’s just a precaution, for protection. Alec is certain.

He puts all thoughts of the gun to the back of his mind.

The rest of the day is peaceful and lazy and Alec stops snooping around in places he probably shouldn’t. He browses Magnus’s bookshelves, picking out something by James Herbert and opening to the first page.

He’s halfway through when a key scrapes in the lock and he dogears the page, pushing himself up from the sofa he had sunk onto to read. Wandering through the loft, he approaches the entrance in time to see Magnus close the door behind him. There is a weariness weighing his shoulders and he rests his forehead against the closed door as if to block out the world.

“Magnus…?”

Alec swallows hard as his boyfriend turns to him, a forced smile across his lips. “Hey,” says Magnus and the usual saunter of his walk is lacking when he comes to kiss Alec’s cheek. “How’ve you been? Not too bored, I hope?”

“Are you okay?” asks Alec, all thoughts of the gun completely out of his mind.

“Oh, I’m fine, sweetheart. Long day, that’s all.” He smiles softly, stroking his hands down Alec’s arms. “Would you mind if we just… took it easy this evening? I just want to curl up with you on the sofa and watch something completely forgettable.”

Alec narrows his eyes in sympathy. “Yeah,” he agrees gently, lifting a hand to hold one of Magnus’s own. “Yeah, of course… You go and put something more comfortable on and I’ll stick a film in and get some snacks.” He kisses Magnus’s brow. “If you want to talk about what happened at work—”

“Oh, no, sweetheart. It’s just some disagreements with Raphael.”

“Raphael’s your… your intern, right?”

“Yes, something of the sort. The truth is, I’m training him to take over the business when I retire. He’s… He’s almost like a son to me…” He sighs and shakes his head. “I value his opinion, and I’m just… I’m upset because we’re a bit at odds at the moment… not with something you’d understand, just… work stuff.”

Alec nods and hums quietly. “I’m sure that, whatever it is, you can work through it. If you’re that close, then you won’t stop being close over something as trivial as a work argument… It’ll be okay, Magnus. I know you can work it out.”

Magnus smiles lightly and raises Alec’s hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles. “Thank you, Alexander… Let me get changed, okay? I’ll be right out.”

“Take as long as you need,” Alec murmurs. “I’ll wait.”

Magnus kisses him again, wandering further into the loft and disappearing into their bedroom. Alec goes to the kitchen first, rummaging though Magnus’s cupboards until he finds some boxed toffee popcorn. Of course, Magnus would only have the sweetest possible popcorn option. Alec has come to understand that his boyfriend has a bit of a sweet tooth.

Alec grabs the box, digging a finger in to break the cardboard seal and digs a hand in to take a handful and stuff it into his mouth as he wanders back into the living room. He crouches in front of Magnus’s DVD collection. Scanning the meticulously organised shelves, he spots a film that Jace had used to insist that he watch and Alec had always dismissed it.

“Hey Mags!” he calls back into the loft. “What’s _Titanic_ like?”

“Average,” Magnus yells back at him. “It’s an hour of sexism and duty and an hour of a boat sinking. It’s pretty moderate. I found it a little dull to be honest.”

“So, it’s forgettable?”

“Incredibly.”

Satisfied, Alec takes _Titanic_ from the shelf and pops open the case, sliding the disk into Magnus’s DVD player. When he turns back to sit down, he almost drops the popcorn. Magnus is walking out of the bedroom, a makeup wipe clearing the darkness lining his eyes, dressed in grey leggings and a _very_ low-cut, loose-fitting black vest, socked feet padding silent against the floors.

He breathes out all the tension from his shoulders as he comes to discard the wipe on the coffee table and lifts natural, unlined eyes to Alec. Having very rarely seen Magnus without makeup, Alec can’t stop staring. Apparently, it’s making Magnus uncomfortable. His boyfriend shifts his weight between his feet.

“So,” he says and there’s an unspoken kind of query to his voice, like he wants to know why Alec is staring and not moving.

Alec takes his hands, pulling him closer. “Sorry, it’s just… You are so beautiful.”

Magnus actually _blushes_ then and ducks his gaze. “Yeah, well, you’re not so bad yourself.”

“I mean it,” says Alec, needing Magnus to understand. “I know you don’t use eyeliner to make yourself pretty, but… I want you to know that I find you as beautiful now as I do when you’re wearing it. I just think you’re so gorgeous.”

Magnus blinks up at him slowly, his eyes full of love, adoration even. “Thank you, Alexander…” He smooths a hand down the front of Alec’s vest. “You’re very handsome yourself, darling… I do like you in a tight shirt.”

Alec smiles and pulls him to the sofa. They both collapse onto the cushions in a fit of giggles as the movement spills bits of popcorn all over them. Magnus takes the remote to play the film. Alec has the popcorn between his legs and Magnus is leaned against his chest, his hand on Alec’s thigh as they settle down to watch the film.

Alec is a talker. He talks all the way through the film, mainly asking pointless questions about the plot, and Magnus laughs at all his stupid jokes and dry quips and Alec knows without a single doubt that he loves him. He’s completely forgotten about the gun by this point.

Magnus is here and warm and close. Alec loves him so much he thinks his heart could probably explode.

At that moment, that perfect moment with Magnus curled up against his side, sharing popcorn from Alec’s lap and paying one another more attention than the film, nothing else in the world seems to matter.


	12. Raphael

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A deeper look into Raphael's past and how he came to be in the 'business'. He goes to the loft to settle a disagreement with Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much to my wonderful commenters of the last chapter, @ByTheAngell, @Vallier, @master_girl!

Raphael Santiago is having possibly the worst week of his life.

Now, Raphael is a tad dramatic, so perhaps the week his parents and sister were killed by a loan shark’s muscle was the worst week of his life. There had been a lot of bad weeks after that. The weeks of homelessness and poverty, running in fear that they would come for him too, sleeping rough in the park and in shop doorways and praying every second for everything, _anything_ , to be better.

Then, there was Magnus.

Magnus, who had stumbled across him on a dark, rainy night in a dirty Brooklyn alleyway. Magnus, who had kicked some serious ass seeing off the group of bored college kids who had decided that beating the shit out of a homeless kid was a fun pastime. Magnus, who had hauled him up off the floor, brushed him down and who had been the first person to smile at him for almost six months.

He had taken Raphael in, only a child himself, and cared for him like a son. Magnus had kept him from the family life for as long as he could, but it didn’t stop Raphael’s curiosity getting the better of him. He had stumbled across Magnus’s files, his gun, and just outright challenged him on the firearm.

Magnus had taken him aside, explained everything in complete and total honesty. He had expressed his understanding if Raphael wanted to leave, had promised to find him a decent home with good parents or to set him up in a bedsit with enough cash to get by until he settles.

Raphael had refused on one condition: that Magnus help find the man who had slaughtered his family and let Raphael take his revenge.

Magnus had agreed. Raphael had taken his vengeance. In the end, it meant nothing to him. In the end, watching the life drain from a man’s eyes stirred about as much emotion as eating breakfast. It was menial, dull, and Raphael was tired when he did it.

Now, Raphael is tired all the time. All this frustration with Magnus is exhausting, and Raphael is bored of telling him what he should already know, his duties and expectations in regards to the family.

It’s this new boyfriend. Raphael is convinced that he is the only reason for Magnus’s increased desire to run from his duty. Magnus is smitten. He is barely at Pandemonium anymore and, even when he is there, he spends almost the entire time staring at his phone. Raphael knows he’s texting the boyfriend.

_Alec_. Raphael had seen his name in Magnus’s contacts. He had snooped around _Little Bella_ when he noticed Magnus frequenting the café. Alec is more Magnus’s type than Isabelle.

God, the arguments they had recently about Alec. Raphael is trying so hard to keep Magnus on track, to help him realise that he needs to take care of Lorenzo’s insubordination before he can even consider leaving the life, but Magnus is stubborn, especially when it comes to love.

Magnus wants to leave.

Raphael hears it in his voice, sees it in his eyes, the wistful kind of look he gets when he talks about retiring. He can’t. Raphael knows it even if Magnus won’t admit it. Lorenzo is getting bolder by the day, his grunts picking fights with low-tier members of their family, turning lawyers and bankers to his side to challenge the people on Magnus’s payroll.

If Magnus leaves now, not only will Lorenzo take control of the city, he will send people to hunt Magnus down and kill him. So, now, practically storming down the streets of Brooklyn towards the loft, civilians forced to leap aside almost comically to avoid his enraged path, Raphael has only one thought in mind.

He must convince Magnus to stay.

* * *

Alec wakes with stiff limbs and aching muscles. He stretches and immediately hits his foot on something soft, grazes his knuckles against something warm and smooth. Cracking his eyes open, he is met with a face-full of dark hair.

“Mags?” he mumbles.

There’s a shift against his chest and Alec realises that Magnus’s back is fitted tight against his chest. They are on the sofa. Apparently, neither of them had managed to stay awake through the whole film. The TV is in standby. His boyfriend rolls over in short, concise movements to face Alec, one hand pressing to his chest and the other draping over his waist, sleepy eyes coming to meet Alec’s own.

“Hey,” he croaks softly, shifting himself up to press a light, close-lipped kiss to Alec’s mouth. “Morning.”

“Good morning,” Alec replies, a sleepy smile across his lips.

Magnus closes his eyes again, resting his head forward onto Alec’s chest. Alec wonders if he’s just gone back to sleep again before Magnus hums and lifts his head, fixing soft golden irises onto Alec’s face.

“Do you want some breakfast?”

Alec smiles softly and kisses his forehead. “Sounds good… Do you mind if I take a shower first? I kinda… haven’t washed in ages…”

Magnus’s eyes widen. “Oh, Alec, sweetheart. I’m so sorry. I just assumed… I thought you were settled here. You don’t have to ask whether or not you can do things. This is your home.”

Alec shrugs a little sheepishly. “Yeah, well, I just… I guess I still feel a bit… out of place.”

Magnus lifts a hand and strokes careful fingers through his dark hair. “If there’s anything I can do to make you feel at home, you tell me, okay?” He smiles at Alec’s nod and it turns to a soft grimace as he glances up to Alec’s hair. “You’re right about a shower.”

“Damnit,” Alec utters, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. It’s kinda… I guess it’s hard to be romantic when I smell like crap.”

“Hush,” Magnus says, kissing Alec’s cheek. “You’re still beautiful, but you do need a bit of self-care. Being healthy is about taking care of yourself. That means not waiting a week to ask if you can have a shower, okay?”

Alec nods, kisses Magnus and rolls over him. Magnus huffs and grunts at the weight of him, shoving him off and Alec lands socked feet on the floor beside the sofa. He moves to turn away, but Magnus grabs his hands and pulls him into leaning down. Alec smiles into the kiss that Magnus presses up against his lips.

“Let me clean up and then we can continue this,” Alec murmurs, “okay?”

“Okay,” Magnus mumbles hesitantly, clearly reluctant.

Alec kisses him again, smiling softly. “Okay.”

He pulls away, shedding his clothes as he went and slipping into the bedroom, throwing his sweats and vest across the side of the bed. Wandering into the bathroom, he presses the button to turn on Magnus’s rain shower, turning the temperature up until steam misted the glass.

Alec hums and turns back around. Since he doesn’t have his own, he supposes he should ask before using Magnus’s towel. He knows Magnus wants him to just do things like he owns the place, but there’s only one towel in the bathroom and that seems far too intimate to not at least check first.

However, when he wanders back into the bedroom and puts a hand on the door handle, he pauses. There are voices coming from the main room, the sound of the front door closing.

“I thought I told you not to come here anymore,” says Magnus. “You have a few minutes. Alec is taking a shower.”

“Magnus, you can’t do this. The family has to come first, you know that.”

It’s a voice Alec doesn’t recognise. He stands hovering by the bedroom door, letting the shower run, eavesdropping on the conversation taking place in the main room.

“Rafe, the things I told you were not an invitation to come bursting in here and trying to talk me out of it. Besides, would it be so terrible for me to hand over power…? I could get out of New York, out of the country even. Lorenzo wouldn’t—”

“You are not this naïve,” says the second voice, the stranger’s chiding tone ringing through the loft. “Magnus, wherever you go, you won’t be safe. Do you understand what would happen if you left? There would be blood in the streets, and Lorenzo would send people to hunt you down.”

Alec’s breathing is getting sporadic now and he swallows and puts a hand over his chest to calm himself. There must be a rational explanation for all of this. _Blood in the streets_ , Alec mind keeps repeating and he shakes his head, but can’t scatter the words. _Blood in the streets_.

“Look, you shouldn’t be here,” Magnus says, calmer than the man he speaks too, but still a hidden tremor in his voice betrays his anxiety. “Alec lives here now. I can’t have you coming here.”

“What, so first you stop coming to the club, now I can’t come to the loft? Magnus, you realise what you’re doing. You can’t bail now.”

“Don’t tell me what I can and can’t do!” Magnus snaps and Alec flinches because he has never heard that tone from Magnus before. He sounds… _dangerous_. “I will not sacrifice my happiness anymore. I’ve had enough, Rafe, please… I love Alec. I just… Please, let me have this.”

“And what about when he discovers what you are?”

Magnus is quiet for a moment. “That won’t happen.”

“Oh, really?” the man—Magnus called him Rafe, so Alec assumes it is Raphael—replies, his tone dripping with doubt. “You think you can hide from him? Magnus, it’s in your blood. Your father held this city in the palm of his hand, and you are losing control over it… Lorenzo’s people know something’s up. We’re getting challenged more and more. It’s only a matter of time before someone decides to go after the boss and, guess what, that means your precious boytoy is directly in the line of fire.”

“Enough!” Magnus orders and Alec swallows hard. “I will deal with Lorenzo. Pretentious ass won’t be difficult to find. His face is never out of the goddamn papers. Just like my father, he craves the spotlight with no regard for secrecy or safety. I’ll find him and I’ll take him down, and then you will be free to initiate your control. You can tell everyone I’m dead.”

There is a long, uncomfortable silence, broken only by the sound of the unused shower running. Alec hardly dares to breathe.

“They’ll want proof.”

“I’ll give it to them,” says Magnus. “I’ll burn Lorenzo’s place to the fucking ground… You can tell everyone I died in the fire. Tell them I was mad, obsessed with killing him. They’ll buy it if it comes from you.”

Alec has heard enough.

He hurries back to the bathroom, anxious to keep his footsteps silent—and barely breathing out of fear of being caught eavesdropping—and tries desperately to make sense of what he has heard. He steps into the shower, closing the screen door as quietly as he can manage and letting the initial burn of the water wash over him and giving a short, soft hiss until his skin grew used to the sensation.

“God…” he whispers and wipes a hand back over his forehead and into his hair, fighting to stop himself trembling. “Oh, god damnit…”

Everything is falling into place and Alec shakes his head, trying desperately to scatter his thoughts like he scatters the water droplets from his hair. He doesn’t want to connect the dots. He wants to return to a life of blissful ignorance. He wants to be able to look Magnus in the eye, to see a man he loved with all his heart and nothing else, none of the darkness that came with him.

Magnus’s wealth makes sense now; the car and bike and branded makeup and clothes, it all makes sense. Magnus’s job makes sense, all the secrecy and mystery about his career—about the business he had inherited from his deceased father. Raphael has walked into the apartment and turned Alec’s entire world upside down in just a few accusatory sentences.

Alec must have seen it. He has to have seen it before, in the gun, in Magnus’s aversion to speaking of his father, in the people he knew and who were friendly with him. Alec had seen it. He had buried the doubts, the worries. He had seen a gun and said nothing.

Denial is a powerful thing. Alec wants it back.

Lifting his hands, Alec presses the heels of his palms to closed eyes, breathing hard as the water rolls over his bare skin. There’s a soft knock on the door and Alec has to stifle a sob.

“Alexander, what’d you want for breakfast?” asks Magnus’s voice through the door. “I’m thinking pancakes, is that okay?”

“Y—Yeah,” Alec calls back and he knows he sounds wrong. His own voice echoes back at him from the glass walls of the shower and he doesn’t sound like himself. “That’s fine.”

There’s a pause, uncertain. “Sweetheart, are you okay?”

_Sweetheart_. Alec’s mother favoured that endearment too. That term was supposed to make him feel safe.

“Yeah, you just… startled me a little. Got soap in my eye. Sorry.” Alec lies. He lies like Magnus has lied to him since they first met. “I—I’ll be out in a minute.”

“Alright, well, if you’re sure… Take your time, okay?”

“Okay.”

Alec hears his footsteps recede and breathes out slowly. Logically, he knows that if Magnus had wanted to hurt him, he had plenty of chances to do so. Now that he knows—or at least suspects—what it is that Magnus does for a living, however, everything is different.

Magnus is dangerous, and, if he is truly honest with himself, Alec doesn’t feel safe in this apartment anymore. Alec doesn’t feel safe with Magnus.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things will be getting angsty and difficult between our boys in the coming chapter/s, but I promise you all there will be a decent ending eventually.


	13. First: The Storm

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day continues after Alec's realisation, but he doesn't seek to talk right away. Before he discovers the truth, he wants this time with Magnus. He makes a choice to love his boyfriend, if only for one more day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to @highladyofgothamcity, @confettisprinkles, @PhoenixStar73, @kbl55429, @Lovemalec, @Vallier, and @master_girl for your comments on the last chapter! It’s always fun reading your thoughts on how the story is progressing (and don’t worry! Alec is going to talk to Magnus, he’s not just going to run!)

Alec won’t look Magnus in the eye and his boyfriend is noticing.

All through their breakfast, Magnus tries to make conversation. It’s hesitant and simple and Alec knows his answers are unlike himself, short and monosyllabic and without looking at Magnus directly. He knows he should be behaving normally, but Alec can’t help himself.

When they have finished eating, Magnus reaches forward over the table, closing his hand over Alec’s own and holding him in place. “Alec… What is it? Tell me what’s happened.”

“Nothing,” says Alec. “I’m fine.”

Magnus gives him a knowing look and Alec swallows hard. “Alexander…”

Alec wrenches his hand away and stands, a forced smile on his lips. “I’m fine, Magnus. I promise.”

Ducking his gaze a little, Magnus nods slowly. He huffs and takes their plates, standing alongside Alec and kissing his cheek. “I don’t have work today,” he utters. “We can just laze about all day. Maybe watch a few films or binge a season of TV or… whatever you want to do.”

Alec nods and his heart and eyes soften at Magnus’s offer. It’s remarkable how Magnus can make him forget about things. However, Alec can’t let this slide completely. He will have this day with Magnus, this cautious, careful time alone together without challenging him. If this is the last chance he’ll get, Alec wants to have this time.

“I want to be with you,” he says, fighting to keep his voice gentle rather than tearful. It is what he wants. Truly, he wants to be with Magnus. It doesn’t mean he _can_ be with Magnus.

His boyfriend gives him a soft and sincere kind of look. “I’m here, Alec… I’m not going anywhere, I promise.”

Alec accepts the kiss that Magnus presses to cheek, watches him wander off into the kitchen to clean the plates they had used. He just stands a moment. His legs move for him, his heart deciding before his head can pitch in, and he walks into the kitchen.

Magnus is stood at the sink, the bubbles frothing up to his forearms as he scrubs the plates clean. Alec comes up behind him, leans down to wrap his arms around Magnus’s waist, resting his chin over Magnus’s shoulder. His boyfriend huffs softly and turns his head Alec’s way a little.

“Hey, baby,” he utters, kisses Alec’s temple. “Can’t stand to be apart for more than a couple seconds, huh…? You decided what you wanna do today?”

“Don’t mind,” Alec says, breathes out slowly. “As long as I get to be with you…” He sighs and closes his eyes, leaning his head against Magnus. “I love you…”

It is the truth. He loves Magnus and he won’t stop until he hears something that makes him. Whatever happens, he knows he will never move on from his boyfriend. If what he suspects turns out to be true, then Magnus has likely done terrible things. Until he hears what those things are, Alec makes the choice to love him.

Magnus clicks his tongue and presses his head more against Alec’s. “I love you too, sweetheart… Hey, how about you have a look at the DVD’s and pick out something for us to watch, okay? Whatever you feel like.”

Alec nods and disentangles himself from Magnus. “Okay… Bring snacks.”

“Of course.”

Once they settle down, it is to make a start on the first series of _Game of Thrones_. Alec is only half watching the screen. His eyes keep flitting to Magnus and lingering there until his boyfriend turns and Alec snaps his gaze back to the TV. Magnus lifts his head and kisses the curve of Alec’s jaw. His lips are soft against Alec’s skin.

Alec wraps an arm around him, pulling him in close and burying his face in Magnus’s hair. They stay like that, moving only occasionally to use the bathroom, stretch out aching muscles, grab more snacks and answer the door for the takeaway delivery.

It is dark by the time they finish their dinner. Rain is pelting the windows outside, a storm gathering dark and heavy in the clouds. The lighting is dim and soft around the apartment, the couple on the sofa illuminated sharply by the stark flashes from the TV screen. The finale comes around far too quickly.

Alec waits for the episode to finish. The credits roll and he pauses it before it can move back to the opening screen, setting the remote down and swallowing hard. His eyes close briefly, a decisive breath filling his lungs. If he doesn’t do it now, then he knows he’ll keep putting it off.

He has to know the truth.

“Magnus, I need to ask you something,” he says, turning to his boyfriend and holding his confused frown steadily, “and I need you to be honest with me right now. I need the truth.”

“Of course, Alec,” says Magnus, frowning softly. “What’s this about?”

Alec hesitates, shifting himself round to face Magnus properly. “Magnus, I… I found a gun in your bedside table. I heard your conversation with Raphael this morning—”

“Alexander—”

“Please, just…” Alec utters and breathes shakily. “Please, tell me the truth.”

Magnus looks at him, blinks slowly and an expression passes over his face that Alec has never seen. There’s something hard and resigned in his features then. Some firmness that he isn’t used to seeing. Alec is on the verge of taking it back, of begging Magnus to forget it all.

“My father was the leader of a group of organised crime,” says Magnus and Alec inhales sharply, closes his eyes, nods stiffly as he turns his head away. “He was assassinated by a rival gang. I had to take over or there would have been a war. They needed my leadership. I didn’t tell you because I was trying to protect you.”

“How could you do that?” Alec whispers, breathless with disbelief, with betrayal. Magnus was being honest with him and, god, how Alec wishes he had never asked. “How could you lie to me like that, Magnus? I… I thought I meant something to you. I thought you loved me.”

Magnus grabs his hand, squeezes tight. “I _do_ love you, Alexander. I didn’t tell you _because_ I love you. If I let you get mixed up in all this, I could never have forgiven myself… If anyone were to find out—”

“What?” Alec challenges. “You’d have to kill them?”

“… I never said that.”

“How many?” asks Alec, lifting his gaze to Magnus once more. “How many people have you killed? Do you even know…?”

“I know,” says Magnus, his eyes haunted and lightless. “I know, Alec. I kept track of them. Seventeen.”

“Seventeen,” Alec repeats, struggling to quell the tremors in his body.

“I didn’t have a choice, Alec.”

Alec scoffs and shakes his head, making a conscious choice to feel anger over fear. “You always have a choice. Choosing to murder people and keep a gun beside you every night and be feared, that was your choice.”

Magnus’s eyes narrow. “You understand how that can be seen as hypocrisy. Coming from you, I mean.”

“What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

Magnus breathes out slow and steady and Alec frowns. “Alexander, you have spent your entire life obeying your parents. I appreciate that you stood up to them now and I know how difficult that was for you. I understand the effect it has had on your life, but do not lecture me on choices when you have made exactly zero up until last week.”

“You’re not allowed to turn this on me!” snaps Alec, and it’s the second time in a week that he has yelled at someone. He startles to his feet, taking a step back from Magnus in the process. “I’m not the one who neglected to tell their boyfriend that he’s the head of the fucking mafia!”

Magnus’s throat convulses in a jolted swallow. “I’ve been trying to leave ever since my father died. If I hadn’t taken over, do you know what would have happened? Do you understand who would’ve taken over the lead gang? These people are so much worse. They threaten and they kill and their initiations aren’t just extreme, they’re straight up homicide.”

“Why do you think someone else being bad clears you of anything you’ve done?!” Alec asks and his hands clench into fists at his sides. “I found a gun in your drawer, Magnus. Then this guy comes along talking about a gang war? How bad is this, Magnus? How many horrible things have you done?”

Magnus stares at him. Alec could swear there are tears in his eyes. “Alec, don’t make me do this.”

“Don’t make you do what?” Alec growls. “Don’t make you be honest with me? For once.”

“I haven’t always lied,” says Magnus, shaking his head and rising to stand before Alec. “Okay, yes, I lied about the mugging. It was people from a rival gang trying to find out what I know, but I didn’t always lie. Not about everything. Only about my work, and I barely even lied about that. I told you what I did, just… not completely.”

“Not telling me you’re a mob boss is still lying!”

Magnus shakes his head and comes forward to grab the nape of Alec’s neck. There’s a desperation to him now. “Alec, please,” he says, and leans up to kiss Alec chastely, tenderly. “Please, I’m trying so hard to escape this life. I want to stop even more now because… because I love you…” He kisses Alec again, harder now, whispering against his lips. “Please…”

Alec moves into it. He can’t help himself. Magnus is warm and soft and he’s trying to explain and Alec’s _wants_ to believe he’s good. He can’t remember the last time he wanted something so badly. He wants to just pretend that it’s okay and he wants to forgive Magnus for evading the truth.

He breaks their lips and swallows and sighs, willing the tears back. “Magnus,” he says and it’s choked. “I can’t…”

Magnus makes a soft sound of desperation, trying to kiss him again, but Alec presses a hand to his chest, keeps him back. There is a moment of complete stillness. Magnus is breathing heavily, hot air falling against Alec’s lips and causing them to flare softly in response.

A soft buzz breaks the silence and Alec blinks back tears.

“You should get that,” he utters, lifting a hand to wipe his eyes. “Goodbye, Magnus.”

Magnus tries to protest, but Alec turns and stalks away, grabbing his jacket from by the door and leaving the apartment. He closes the door behind him so Magnus can’t follow, clasping a hand over his mouth and stifling a sob, forcing his legs into movement. It’s slow and he stumbles a little, but he still walks. He forces himself to walk.

Even if there is nowhere to go, he has to leave here. Magnus is dangerous. Alec had promised to go to his mother, so that is where he will go. He will just have to show up on her doorstep, drenched from head to toe in rainwater and probably crying his eyes out, and admit that she was right. Magnus had hurt him.

He presses the button for the elevator, blinking back tears, _fighting_ them back. Magnus had lied for so long. Maybe Alec just doesn’t understand love, because he thought—he really, _really,_ thought—that Magnus had loved him. If he had loved Alec, then he wouldn’t have lied.

A door opens behind him and footsteps clatter down the hall.

“Alec,” Magnus gasps, grabbing his arm and forcing Alec to whip around. “Alec—”

“I said goodbye,” says Alec. “I meant it. Please don’t make this harder for me.”

Magnus tightens the grip on his arm when he tries to pull away. “Alec, please, you don’t understand. That was Raphael who called. He’s just had word about your father. Robert has been talking with Lorenzo—”

“What, another one of your mafia buddies?” Alec snaps, trying to wrench himself from Magnus’s grip, but he held too tightly. “Let go.”

“Listen to me, Alec! It’s not safe for you out there. I can protect you!”

“Protect me?” Alec scoffs. “For a low price and a shady interest rate, I suppose? No, I don’t want anything from you.” He tugs his arm again, fighting against Magnus’s hold. “Let go of me right now, or I’m calling the police. I’m serious.”

Magnus swallows hard and reluctantly slackens his grip, allowing Alec to prise himself free. Huffing in irritation, Alec loops a finger below the chain around his throat, pulling it up over his head and flinging to the hallway floor. The clatter of it falling is too loud in the stunned silence.

The elevator doors ping open behind him.

“Don’t ever try to contact me again.”

There are tears in Magnus’s eyes as he stares at the limp, silver strand at his feet. Alec forces himself to turn away from the sight. He walks through the elevator doors, presses the button for the ground floor as he turns, risking a glance to Magnus as the doors rattle shut.

Through the rapidly closing slit, he watches Magnus fall to his knees in the hallway, clutching both hands at the chain on the floor. It catches the light as it dangles from his fingers; a broken promise held tangibly in his hands.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d like to make it clear that I’m NOT trying to imply that Alec is overreacting. Walking out is a completely sane thing to do after finding out your boyfriend has killed 17 people!


	14. Tally Marks (Must End at Nineteen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Magnus chases after a fleeing Alec. Both men run into trouble in the alleys of Brooklyn.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A big thank you to my commenters on the last chapter: @PhoenixStar73, @Lovemalec, @AmyIsARealPhelps, @Vallier, @ByTheAngell, @kbl55429, @master_girl, @AvaFirebreather. The story is definitely reaching it's climax and I'm always so excited to read your thoughts on how it's progressing (I will end it happily after all the angst, don't panic!)

For a good minute or two, Magnus can’t move.

He wants to cry, but the tears won’t break. He wants to scream, but he just doesn’t have the energy. He is completely numb. Alec is gone. Alec has left him like so many others before. Magnus had hoped Alec was different.

It is his fault. Magnus knows it is all on him. He lied to his boyfriend, kept secret the darkest part of his life. Even if it was for a good reason, he had known it would end badly. He knew would end up hurting Alec, and that is exactly what happened. Maybe he never should have tried to build a relationship in the first place. It was selfish of him.

He stares down at the chain, watching the light reflect from the silver links in a soft sheen. This had been a gift. He had promised Alec that, should he wish to abandon their relationship, he need only to return this and Magnus would accept his rejection and leave forever. He had promised to leave without question, promised to respect Alec’s choice.

Now, however, looking at the chain, the promise he had made, Magnus grits his teeth and curls his fingers in hard around the links. Wrenching his hands apart, the links snap and come apart in his hands. He breaks the chain as he breaks his promise. He can’t adhere to the vow he made. He can’t let Alec go without a fight.

The phone call had terrified him. He had hung up before Rafe even had a chance to finish, just desperate to catch up to Alec. The information he had received was just too horrifying. If Raphael is right and it was in fact Robert speaking to Lorenzo, and if it was regarding Alec…

Magnus shoves himself to his feet—leaving the chain limp and lifeless in the hallway—and takes off in a sprint down the stairs. He takes them two at a time, his hand gripping the bannister to keep himself steady as the runs. He will not allow Alec to be harmed by this part of his life. There is nothing he will not do to ensure Alec’s safety.

Once he reaches the ground floor, he sprints across the entranceway, bursting out through the front doors of the building. He skids to a halt on the pavement outside, fighting to think about where Alec would have gone.

The café was unlikely. Alec hated his apartment above _Little Bella_. He had told Magnus often enough about all the issues with creaking floors and water damage in the ceiling and walls. All the problems with that place didn’t compare to Alec’s mental feelings of the flat, the place his father had moved him into.

It struck him suddenly, and Magnus took off down the street. Alec must have gone to his mother’s new place. Magnus had a hand in securing that for her, with his email exposing Roberts affair and a persuading chat with the landlord of the shop and apartment about gratitude and security. There is so much Alec still doesn’t know. Magnus wonders if he would be grateful, or if he would be angry for yet more lies.

He slips down an alleyway to take a few minutes off the route. Rain pours from the gutters on the buildings tunnelling the alley. There is movement in his peripheral, a door opening, but Magnus pays it no mind. He picks up his speed to get past before he can crash into someone exiting.

“Magnus, isn’t it?”

That voice makes Magnus halt in his tracks, skidding slightly on the wet ground. His eyes close briefly to quell the panic fighting to rise in his chest, and he turns to hold steady eyes.

“Lorenzo,” he greets stoically.

Lorenzo Rey smiles slyly, dark eye looking him up and down. “Don’t you look just like your father… You aren’t him though, are you? You’ve been hiding from me, Bane. Your father would never have acted so cowardly. He had such an open defiance of me after all.”

“I prefer to handle things discreetly,” says Magnus, lifting his chin in defiance. “I tend not the gravitate towards the spotlight. All things considered, I decided staying out of the public eye was for the best… Now, were you planning on killing me, or did you want to have a chat about my poor, dead father?”

“Oh, of course. Where are my manners?”

Magnus is dodging almost before Lorenzo makes a move, whipping to the side as his attacker slashes a blade in an uppercut, inches from his face. He slams an elbow into Lorenzo’s face, a satisfying crack letting him know he hit his target. His rival yells a muffled shout, lifting a hand to cradle his nose as he stumbles back.

“What are you doing here?” Magnus demands, circling a careful distance from Lorenzo. “Tell me.”

“You know exactly what I’m doing here,” Lorenzo snaps, his voice wet with the blood that trails heavy from his nose. “You hid from me for decades; you seem smart enough… I’m checking the hit on your dumb, flighty boyfriend. I knew you’d both surface eventually.”

Magnus grit his teeth. “It was his father.”

“Yes,” says Lorenzo, lifting his eyes to Magnus. “I would never have taken it if it weren’t for you… The nerve on that man to come to me directly. The audacity of asking me to take out a hit on his son in main part because of his sexuality. Honestly, I was ready to kill him on the spot… and then I heard about this boyfriend… _Magnus_ he said the name was. We had snippets over the years. _Magnus_ was apparently somewhere high up in your hierarchy…”

“Well, you got that part right at least.”

Lorenzo lunges again and Magnus sidesteps, shoves him forward as he barrels past. Lorenzo whips around on him with a snarl and Magnus quirks him a small, crooked smile.

“I thought we were having a civilised conversation,” says Magnus, a glare narrowing his eyes. “Call off the hit on Alec. I’ll do whatever you want.”

“Oh, we are way past that,” Lorenzo snarls. “I’m going to kill you, and then I’ll have everything I want anyway. You don’t get favours from me.”

Magnus blocks him this time, grabbing the wrist of the hand holding the blade. He is so worked up about Alec that he fails to avoid the jab to his side, grunting as Lorenzo manages to wind him enough for his grip to slacken.

Lorenzo’s hand plunges forward and a heavy pressure shoves into his shoulder. Almost instantly, it turns to blinding pain and Magnus screams out in agony, staggering back. Apparently, Lorenzo sees that as an opportunity and leaps forward. Magnus wrenches the blade from his shoulder.

There is a sickening choke and Magnus breathes hard, opens his eyes that he can’t remember closing. Lorenzo falls and Magnus stumbles back against the wall, squeezing his eyes shut so tight that tears ball at the corners of his eyes. His hand comes to not-quite-press over the gaping stab in his shoulder.

“Fuck,” he whispers breathes in shakily. “Oh, fuck…!”

Magnus lifts his eyes to the sky, pushing back the tears and walking away from the body behind him, adding another tally to the ever-growing mental list.

“Eighteen.”

* * *

The wind streaks the tears jagged across his cheeks and Alec lifts a hand to stubbornly push them away, clutching his jacket to pull the lapels together. He shudders against the cold.

He considers calling his mother. It would be terrible manners to simply show up on her doorstep, perhaps he should call her beforehand. Alec huffs and reaches for his phone, changing his mind when rainwater drips down his fingers, running liquid ice across his skin and making him shove his hands into the pockets of his jacket.

It is freezing. He wants to be back in the loft, back with Magnus in the warmth of his embrace. The tears seem to freeze against his cheeks, mixing with the rain and trailing ice-cold lines down his skin.

He swallows back a sob, ducking his head. There’s a sound to his left and he snaps his head up, coming to a hasty stop at the mouth of an alley. It was a crash of bins, a shriek of a cat. Alec despairs to think that the creature might be injured.

“Hello?” he tries, in case it is a person down there. He edges step by step into the dark, rain-soaked alleyway. He makes a soft chirping sound with inhaled breath, intending to draw the cat out so he could see if it was hurt.

Nothing emerges for him. He wanders further into the alley. The light becomes dim and it takes a moment for his eyes to adjust to the new light—or lack thereof. There are collapsed bins around halfway down, silver lids strewn across the puddled ground.

“Alec Lightwood?”

Alec frowns and turns. Something slams into his face and the force of it sends him against the wall, sliding down to his knees. Black spots dance in his vision. All his mind can do for a moment is panic and he scrambles backwards, lifting a hand in front of him in a poor attempt at protection.

“Never saw the point in saying something to a man you’re about to kill,” says his attacker and Alec blinks hard and swallows as he sees the man looming above him. “My contractor was very specific though. Said that kicking you out wasn’t enough because of the shit you did after, making his wife run out or whatever. Said he was doing a public service, some religious, homophobic spiel. He’s already paid me, so really I don’t have to say shit.”

“Wait,” Alec manages to croak before the barrel of a gun is pointed down at him.

Everything happens quickly. It doesn’t slow down like in the movies.

There’s movement behind the man and his arm is wrenched away. Alec sees him grapple for control and turn and the gun goes off. His ears are ringing and there isn’t any light—just noise. Alec scrambles for the nearest weapon and his hands wrap around the legs of a discarded chair, one of the cheap metal ones.

Staggering to his feet, Alec swings the chair with everything he has, slamming it hard into the man’s back. He goes down easily, but still shifting, and Alec hits him again, heart pounding. His attacker stops moving. Alec throws the chair down on him for good measure and glances back to see—

“Magnus…?”

His boyfriend—ex-boyfriend—is stood, hunched over slightly and holding his stomach with both hands. Alec has to squint in the dim light to see the drips of darkness across Magnus’s skin. There is a further spot of darkness up by his shoulder, beneath his collarbone.

“Nineteen…” Magnus mutters.

“Oh,” says Alec falteringly, lunging to grab Magnus as he stumbles, just succeeding in helping him slide down the wall. “Oh, god, no—fuck! Magnus, oh my god…”

“I—I’m sorry,” whispers Magnus, and his voice catches and Alec feels heat well in his eyes. “It was… my fault… ‘m sorry…”

Alec shakes his head, glancing rapidly between Magnus’s face and the hands he holds over his stomach. “No, no, it wasn’t. It wasn’t you. It was my stupid, homophobic dad. He’s crazy, Mags. I told you—”

“Alec…” mutters Magnus, blinking up at him painfully. “I don’t… want to fight anymore… I want… Alec, I…”

Tears break and Alec roughly wipes them away. “Shut up,” he hisses, as firmly as he can manage—which really isn’t firm at all. “I—I’m gonna get you help. I’ll call an ambulance. You’ll be okay.”

Magnus grits his teeth as he shakes his head, breathing ragged breaths. “No, no… I need Rafe… need to get to… loft. I—I can’t let Lorenzo’s people find me… I just… I just killed their leader…”

“Fuck, Magnus!”

“Can’t… go to hospitals… please… I… I need to be safe…”

Alec bites his lower lip to keep from screaming in grief and panic. Magnus is bleeding to death right in front of him, right here in his arms. He scoops his arms beneath his boyfriend— _ex-boyfriend,_ Alec’s rational mind snaps at him—and rises shakily to his feet, trying to ignore the breathless grunts and shuddering gasps that has Magnus trembling in his arms.

“I’ll get you home,” Alec says, chokes on his grief. “I promise.”


	15. Stay With Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec has managed to get Magnus back to the loft, but that was the easy part. Now, he must tend to a severely injured Magnus, deal with a distrusting Raphael, and settle his own warring mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much to those who left kudos on the last chapter, and thank you to those who left comments: @Lovemalec, @master_girl, @PhoenixStar73, @MaJaMii, @jillyfae, @Vallier.  
> I hope you're all staying healthy and safe in the pandemic. I, for one, am in a country on lockdown, so there's plenty of time to write. Despite all the extra time, this chapter absolutely did not want to cooperate, but here it is, so enjoy the angst!

Alec finds Raphael’s number in Magnus’s phone.

It’s difficult, with one hand pressed to Magnus’s abdomen and the other scrolling shakily though his contacts. The pad of his thumb leaves smears of blood across the screen. Alec had a brief and tearful conversation with Raphael. The boy spoke calm and steady and told Alec what to do and promised he’d get there within the next half hour, before hanging up and leaving Alec to tend to a bleeding, half-conscious Magnus.

Alec tries to talk to him, tries to give him some kind of comfort or reassurance, but the words always stick in his throat and he chokes on a sob every time he means to speak.

Getting Magnus back to the loft had been surprisingly easy. Magnus wasn’t all that heavy, Alec discovered. The streets were all but deserted, and those who walked barely gave them a glance. New York was indifferent like that.

They had passed through the building and, upon reaching their floor, Alec had spied the chain upon the carpet. It was broken, silver links scattered carelessly. His heart clenched, but he forced himself to walk by.

Alec managed to get Magnus to the sofa, thinking it would be easiest to have him out in the open space of the living room rather than secluded in his bed.

Not wishing to leave even for a second, Alec had shrugged off his jacket and pressed it to the wound giving out the most blood: the gunshot in Magnus’s abdomen. He had screamed and Alec had whispered shaky apologies to no reply. Magnus was clearly in too much pain to even speak.

By the time Alec had finished his phone call with Raphael, his jacket is soaked through, sopping wet with Magnus’s blood. Magnus himself isn’t faring much better. His skin is pale and ashen, his eyelids slipping, irises losing another fraction of light every minute.

“I need to get something better to control the bleeding,” says Alec, remembering what Raphael had suggested over the phone. “I’ll be right back, okay? Just hold on.”

Magnus doesn’t reply. Alec isn’t sure he can even hear him anymore.

Still, he pushes himself up and runs to the bathroom, grabbing the towel hanging in there and rushing back to Magnus. He perches himself on the edge of the sofa. A grimace takes his expression as he eases his dripping jacket from Magnus’s abdomen.

He barely allows himself a look at the injury before he’s pressing the bundled towel against it. Magnus bucks and screams again, his head pressing back against the sofa cushions.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” utters Alec, breathless and teary and fighting to hold himself together. “God, I’m sorry. Raphael’s on his way. He’ll know what to do.” He scans Magnus’s face, sees his expression is creased in agony, twitching when Alec shifts his hands on the towel. “Magnus, talk to me. Raphael said I needed to keep you talking.”

Magnus huffs and Alec winces at the pain there. “Rafe’s… been shot once… Thinks he’s an expert suddenly…”

Alec clenches his jaw, shakes his head in disbelief. “You know that’s not normal, right? Normal people don’t get shot all the time. Getting shot once is too many times to be shot.”

“Not in this work…” Magnus chuckles, groans and tenses as the action jolts his chest. His pain-heavy gaze comes to Alec, settles there on his face. “Sorry I got you… messed up in all this… Shouldn’t have…” He grimaces again, breathes hard through the pain. “It was… selfish of me… I… I shouldn’t have ever even spoken to you…”

Alec frowns. “What? Now you regret even speaking to me?”

“I was selfish,” Magnus insists, his eyes bleary with tears. Alec knows it is just from the pain, but it doesn’t stop his heart clenching. “I… I thought I could protect you from… seeing this side of me… I was wrong… ‘m sorry…”

“Magnus,” Alec says firmly, some hint of anger coming to his tone. “Don’t regret what we had. I’m not angry at you for dating me or for failing to hide this side of yourself. I’m angry because you lied. I’m angry because you didn’t trust me with the truth.”

Magnus swallows hard, coughs and flecks of crimson spray his lips. “Would you have… ever believed me…? Would you have still loved me… if you knew what I was?” Alec doesn’t speak and Magnus smiles weakly. His teeth are stained red. “Didn’t… think so…”

They don’t talk much after that. Alec can’t bring himself to conjure up an answer. If Magnus had told him his career, his past, on their very first meeting, he would have run. There’s no getting away from that. Now, however… Alec was surprised to find that he didn’t know what he felt.

He didn’t want to lose Magnus, but he was still angry at him for lying all this time. Maybe Magnus was right. Maybe it would have been easier if they had never met at all.

* * *

In the end, it only takes fifteen minutes for Raphael to get into the loft. Apparently, he has a key, because one minute, Alec is uttering mindless reassurance to Magnus, and the next he is staring wide-eyed as Raphael hurries to the bedside, cradling a medic kit under one arm.

“You idiot,” Raphael growls, though the hand he runs into Magnus’s hair is soft and soothing and there is a hitch to his voice. “I told you not to be stupid and now I have to dig a bullet out of you. When are you going to realise that I know best?”

Magnus blinks up at him painfully. “Rafe… ‘m sorry…”

Raphael touches his fingers to Magnus’s lips, moving his thumb to wipe spots of crimson from his paling skin. “Save your apologies. You won’t be saying that when I’m prying a bullet out of your stomach.”

The young man glances to Alec, something disdainful in his dark eyes.

“I don’t need you,” he says. “Get out.”

Alec gapes a second, struggling to find a convincing argument, struggling to think of a rational reason he even wants to stay. Every instinct is screaming at him not to move. Logically, he knows that he should want to leave. He doesn’t. He wants to be with Magnus.

“No,” Magnus utters, rolling his head so he can face his apprentice better. “Let him stay… please…”

Raphael huffs, shaking his head and uttering something in Spanish. Alec is sure it’s nothing good. The boy doesn’t make any further demands, however, and he turns his focus away from Alec and back to Magnus.

“I’ve brought you some morphine,” he says, gently presses two fingers to Magnus’s jaw. “I know you don’t like injections, but you’ll be in agony without it.”

Magnus smirks weakly. “Already hurts, my boy… What’s with a little more?”

“Magnus—”

“No needles, Rafe,” Magnus says, firmer than Alec has heard him since the incident.

Alec wonders when the aversion to needles arose. Perhaps Magnus’s past was even darker than he feared.

Raphael ducks his gaze, nods stiffly. “Fine.” He glances to Alec briefly. “Take off your belt. Put it between his teeth so he can bite down on it.”

Alec doesn’t understand in the slightest why that would help, but he does as he’s told. Perhaps it’s to stop Magnus breaking his teeth, Alec considers as he coaxes the belt into Magnus’s mouth. When he pulls away, Magnus lifts a hand to clumsily take his wrist.

Eyes narrowing, Alec’s heart floods with sympathy. He can’t be angry, not now. Magnus is in pain. He slides Magnus’s grip down from his wrist so their hands can join. He squeezes lightly, tentatively, like he just wants Magnus to know that he isn’t alone.

“I don’t have to tell you that this is going to hurt,” Raphael says. He’s doing something with the supplies of the medical bag, but Alec doesn’t look. He doesn’t want to see it.

Magnus just stares at him through gold eyes.

Raphael shifts the towel away, leans forward with an arm braced over Magnus’s chest, tweezers poised in his other hand. Alec thinks he might be sick. Magnus simply closes his eyes.

The grip tightens on Alec’s hand suddenly and Magnus screams in agony, stifled slightly with his teeth clenched around the belt, and Alec has to turn his head away. Raphael is quick with digging out the bullet. Blood pulses freely as he drops the bullet and tweezers on the bedside table, and he shoves the towel against the wound, seemingly deaf to Magnus’s cries.

“Probably as good as it could be considering the position,” growls Raphael, rifling through the medic bag. “Doesn’t look like the bullet hit any organs. I know you don’t feel it, but you were lucky.”

Magnus doesn’t reply. For a moment, Alec thinks he might be unconscious, but then his eyes flutter open; the irises are dark and unfocused, but his eyes are open. Alec breathes a little easier.

Raphael glances to Alec, almost begrudgingly. “Make sure he stays conscious while I finish. If he goes to deep, he might not come back.”

Despite the clear trust issues, Raphael seems to know what he’s doing. Alec doesn’t even know the boy, but Magnus trusts him and he’s clearly been in this life for a long enough time to have dealt with bullet wounds before. Alec pointedly doesn’t watch as Raphael tends to the wound. He keeps his eyes on Magnus’s face.

The golden irises are dark are barely visible behind drooping eyelids and rolling whites. His entire body trembles softly. His once crushing grip is slackening on Alec’s hand. He’s losing strength.

“Magnus,” Alec coaxes, fighting to keep his voice calm, lifting his disentangling their hands to free the slack belt from Magnus’s mouth, discarding it to the side so he can press a careful touch against his boyfriend’s cheek. “Magnus, you need to stay with me. You have to stay awake, okay?”

Magnus groans and squints up at him, pain bright in his eyes. “Alec…”

“I’m right here,” says Alec and strokes his thumb across Magnus’s cheek. “Baby, I’m right here. You have to stay awake. Raphael needs you conscious. He’s going to get you stable and out of danger, and then you’ll be able to sleep. It’ll be safe to sleep soon, I promise. It’s just a little longer.”

The light hit Magnus’s eyes strangely and Alec took a moment to realise it was due to the tears welling up there, glossing his gold irises. “Didn’t… mean to get you involved…” says Magnus, breathing shakily and wincing in pain. “I… I’m sorry… Alec, ‘m so sorry…”

Alec shakes his head, the corner of his mouth twitching in a sad smile. “You don’t have to say that,” he murmurs. “I know I was angry before. You shouldn’t have lied to me.”

The tears fell then, a silver streak sliding down Magnus’s ashen skin. “Didn’t want you to hate me…”

Part of Alec wants to yell at him, because Magnus is essentially the head of the New York mafia and he hadn’t told Alec. Magnus had killed people, threatened others, run an organisation that was more than likely tied deep in supplying drugs and firearms, and how can Alec ever forgive him for lying about that?

There is so much pain in Magnus’s eyes. He was forced into that life, Alec tells himself. His mother died. His step-father abused him. His actual father did too, and then left him with the options of taking over his organisation, or trying to run and getting assassinated by another gang.

Magnus had never had a choice, just like Alec. Neither of them had ever been free.

“I don’t hate you,” says Alec, barely above a whisper, and it makes the tears come faster to Magnus’s eyes. He chokes on a painful sob and Alec takes his hand again. “Hey, I don’t. I said I don’t. It’s okay.”

“Why…?” Magnus sobs shakily, his eyes glistening with tears. “What I’ve done… Alec…”

“It doesn’t matter,” Alec whispers, squeezing his hand and rubbing his thumb over Magnus’s knuckles. “Magnus, don’t you get it? We’re free now. You aren’t that person anymore; you don’t have to be… We can run, Magnus. Run away with me.”

Magnus chokes on another sob, inhales trembling breaths, but the corner of his mouth twitches and, for a moment, Alec thinks he could be smiling. “That sounds… sounds nice…”

His hand is completely limp in Alec’s own. All the flush has drained from his face, leaving his skin cold and ashen. Alec thinks traitorously that he could be dead if not for the shallow rise and fall of his breaths like lazy waves drifting against the shore, and if they stopped then the whole world would just freeze.

“Magnus, you need to stay awake,” says Raphael and Alec swallows hard at his words because Magnus’s eyes have slipped shut. “Magnus!”

“Rafe… ‘m sorry,” Magnus whispers. His eyes don’t open. “I… I’m tired… please…”

Alec shakes his head, desperate to assist Raphael in keeping him conscious. “Magnus, hold on. I know it hurts, but you need to stay awake. You need to stay with me.”

It’s begging. His voice doesn’t come firm or commanding, but instead whispered in a breathy plea for Magnus’s strength not to fail him.

“I’m okay…” says Magnus and Alec bites back a sob. He sounds so distant. “I’m okay, Alec… I’m not in any pain…”

“Please,” Alec says, clutches his hand tighter as he spills his truth. “Please, Magnus, I can’t lose you.”

Magnus’s lips flare softly, pale and breathless, and he sighs like it’s the end. Alec sniffs back tears, reaches his free hand to stroke over his boyfriend’s head, swallowing hard when Magnus leans into his touch.

“I love you, Alexander…”

Alec chokes softly, ducking his head and closing his eyes. He wants to say it back. His lips refuse to form the words. He tightens his grip on Magnus’s hand. There is nothing given in way of response. Magnus’s fingers lie cold and limp against his palm. Alec’s lifts his head.

“Magnus?” he asks, eyes filling with tears as they narrow, grief-stricken. “Magnus…?”

Raphael lifts a hand to press two fingers to the pulse point on Magnus’s neck, taking a few seconds before sighing halfway to relief. “He’s still alive. He’s lost consciousness.” He shakes his head and casts Alec a scathing kind of look. “Why didn’t you say it back?”

Alec stares at him, stricken, parting his lips to reply, but nothing came out. Raphael turns back to Magnus, continuing to tend to his injures.

The attempt at swallowing makes his throat ache and Alec can do nothing but stare despairingly down at Magnus and his expression, slack and still in unconsciousness. Raphael’s words ring in his ears and Alec shakes his head slowly as his own thoughts betray him.

_Why didn’t you say it back?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the double cliffhanger chapters!  
> Also, yes, I lifted this chapter title directly from the show.


	16. To Forgive is to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alec's watches over an injured Magnus, his emotions running high and his anxieties higher still. When Magnus wakes, Alec must make a choice. Stay or leave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you so much to those who left kudos and, of course, my commenters: @jillyfae, @silvergirl1029, @ByTheAngell, @PhoenixStar73, @Lovemalec, @Sandylee007, @AutumnsRed, @master_girl, @ilovemanicures, @Aquabrie.
> 
> I’m feeling so emotional right now because—and I can’t believe it, but—this is the final official chapter. I am doing an epilogue, so it isn’t technically over quite yet, but this is the last 'titled' chapter of the story.
> 
> You guys are so amazing. I have literally been living off of your comments. Thank you all so, so much for your kind and inspiring words.

“ _He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us._ ”  
Martin Luther King Jr.

* * *

Alec doesn’t leave Magnus’s side.

Raphael walks away with a murmur of reassurance that, as long as Magnus can make it through the night, and as long as the rapid fever breaks without trouble, he would be fine. There were too many things that could go wrong.

The entire night, Alec sits at Magnus’s bedside, watching his usually slack expression twitch on occasions when the fever troubled him, listening to his shallow breaths rise and fall. He places a cloth on Magnus’s brow, damp with cold water, plunges it into a bowl and wrings it out every half hour or so in an attempt at keeping Magnus’s temperature under control.

Alec cries for hours.

New tears streak his cheeks every time he tries to wipe them away. He doesn’t count the hours, but the sun interrupts his tears when he realises he hasn’t had anything close to dry eyes all night. The morning comes in a trickle then a blaze and Alec blinks at the bursts of light that catch the tears in his eyes.

Magnus’s skin sheens with a heavy build-up of sweat, the sunlight bouncing off his slick skin. The new blaze of light apparently disturbs him, as his head rolls against the pillows, angling his face away from the window. A soft, fevered moan flared his lips.

Alec pushes himself to his feet, hurrying to the window and pulling the curtains shut. It doesn’t leave him in total darkness. The light creeping from underneath he curtains is enough to see, but the suddenness of the change leaves Alec off-guard.

“Alec…?”

Heart leaping to his throat, Alec turns, blinks to accustom himself to the new light—or lack thereof—and sees that Magnus’s eyes are open just a fraction. He isn’t looking at Alec, his gaze drifts up around the ceiling. Alec’s heart clenches as he realises that Magnus doesn’t even know he’s there. He is asking for him regardless.

Making his way back to the bedside, Alec perches on the edge of the mattress. The movement stirs Magnus. His head turns in Alec’s direction, blinking stickily as his gaze struggles into focus. Alec lightly takes Magnus’s hand in his own when his expression twists into a grimace, the bullet wound clearly troubling him.

“It’s okay,” Alec soothes. “It’s alright. Raphael said you’re through the worst of it. You just shake this fever and you’ll be fine. It’s safe to sleep now.”

“Rafe…” Magnus mutters, his eyes heavy with sleep and bright with fever.

“He’s gone home,” says Alec, stroking his thumb to the back of Magnus’s hand. “He told me you’d be okay, but he needed to sort things out back there. He said that, as soon as you’re better, you should get out of New York. Disappear, he said.”

Magnus’s eyes drifted unsteadily. “Finally have a way out…”

Alec swallows hard and hesitantly meets Magnus’s eyes when they settle on him. “Magnus, do you remember anything… about what I said after you were shot?” Magnus just gives him a blank look. “I asked you to run away with me. I know you’ll be leaving New York as soon as you’re fit to travel… and I want to come with you.”

Magnus blinks and frowns softly. “Alec, I… I thought you… I can’t ask you to…”

“You’re not asking me,” says Alec. “I’m coming with you.”

There is a moment of almost absolute silence. Magnus’s breaths come, understandably, more noticeable than Alec’s own. He lifts a hand to touch Alec’s cheek, gold eyes flitting slow and purposeful across his face. The wince is less obvious this time.

“Alexander, tell me something.”

“What?”

“Why don’t you hate me?”

Alec startles at the question. He slowly comes to realise that Magnus had been unconscious through all his tears, sleeping as Alec sat beside him and tended to his fever. Magnus didn’t know. Magnus had lost consciousness confused as to why Alec had denied hating him. Alec never had a chance to explain.

“Because…” Alec begins, swallows hard when his voice comes breathily. Still, despite everything, his lips won’t form the words yet. He doesn’t know if it’s true. “I forgive you,” he settles on saying. “After everything we’ve been through… I know I can’t abandon you. I know I want to stay with you.”

There is a notable gloss to Magnus’s eyes, but the tears don’t break. “Are you sure about this?”

Alec nods, takes the back of Magnus’s hand to keep it in place as he turns his head to kiss his palm. “Positive,” he murmurs. His eyes come to Magnus’s own. “Magnus, before you lost consciousness… you told me you loved me. Did… Did you mean it?”

Magnus blinks soft and slow, gazing up at him. “Of course, Alexander…”

Alec swallows hard and, for a minute, he doesn’t say anything. He knows he has to say it back before he loses Magnus to unconsciousness, but there are so, so many things he wants to know. There are things he knows: he wants to stay with Magnus, he wants Magnus to keep loving him, he wants to get out of New York and never come back. _Why can’t he say it?_

“Alec…”

“If I ask about… about your life, will you be honest with me?” Alec asks, lifting his gaze to Magnus’s own, needing to weed out his thoughts.

His boyfriend is quiet, but he nods slowly. Alec filters through his mind, thinking about everything that had happened that didn’t make sense, everything he had overheard from Raphael.

“What’s with the needle thing?” he ends up asking and, god, even after everything, he just wants to know how to keep Magnus safe and happy. He just needs to be aware of what triggers to avoid. “I get people are scared of needles, but you… you’re not like that… and it seemed like something happened…”

Magnus sighs, his eyes drifting down to the side, avoiding Alec’s inquiring gaze. “Let’s just say that my father had a less than conventional method of keeping me under control. I’ve had… I’ve had problems, Alexander, I won’t deny that, but they are in the past. I don’t like needles. I don’t like possessive pronouns… There’s many things I prefer to avoid because of my past.”

Alec takes a steadying inhale, nods his understanding. He regrets asking now. “I’m sorry,” he utters and he’s apologising for so many things, even if Magnus doesn’t know. “You’re tired, I should… I should let you rest. You’ve been through a lot.”

“Alec,” Magnus says, and his voice is firm enough to make Alec look at him. “I need to apologise.”

Shaking his head, Alec ducks his gaze again. “No, you’ve apologised enough. It’s okay. I said I forgive you and I do. It doesn’t matter that you lied, I know… I know you did it to protect me. It’s okay.”

“No, Alec. The assassin that your father hired… he was one of Lorenzo’s men. I—I shouldn’t have gotten you involved. Lorenzo never would’ve taken the hit if he didn’t know about us…”

Magnus is apologising for Robert’s actions, Alec realises with a start. Magnus—having apologised for everything he did, for all the lies he told and the life he concealed—is apologising for Alec’s insanely homophobic father.

“No, it’s,” Alec begins and shakes his head. “He would’ve found a way whatever happened. You don’t need to apologise for that. It wasn’t your fault.”

Magnus breathes shakily a moment, his eyes drifting and Alec’s eyes widen, scared that he might be having a panic attack. “You… You could’ve died…”

“But I didn’t,” Alec insists, grabbing Magnus’s hand because his newly picked-up breathing is making Magnus grimace in pain as the movement jolts his chest. “Look at me, baby, I’m fine. I didn’t even get hurt.” He squeezes Magnus’s hand, kisses his knuckles. “I’m fine…”

_Baby._ It rolls off his tongue so naturally. The pet name belongs there on his lips. It belongs to Magnus like a carefully wrapped gift Alec has given him. _Baby_. Alec doesn’t even regret it this time. Not even a little. He knows he will never regret it again. For as long as he may live, he vows never to regret making Magnus his choice.

Magnus’s gasps come easier now.

His eyes close briefly as he fully steadies his breathing. “Alec, I want to stay with you. I want…” He swallows hard, opens his eyes. “I want a life with you, but I don’t know… Alec, I don’t know how. I just… I love you and I want you.”

Alec’s eyes narrow. He knows that he will never articulate just how deeply his love runs for this man beside him. Magnus had made mistakes, of course he had, but who in their life hadn’t? Alec certainly had his share of errors. They were resolved now. They were both safe.

He has to force the words back this time. They are right there on his tongue, itching to be spoken aloud, begging to be formed upon his lips. There is no doubt in his mind about his feelings, but Magnus needed a different kind of assurance right now. Alec forces himself to breathe steadier.

“I’m here,” he says, taking a hand through sweat-damp hair when Magnus tightens the grip on his hand. “We’ll build a life together, somewhere far from here. You choose where, and I’ll follow you. I won’t ever leave your side. We’ll get away from here.” He leans forward, presses a kiss to Magnus’s temple. “But not now… Now, you need to rest.”

He moves to let go of Magnus’s hand, wishing only to give him some peace in which to rest properly, but his boyfriend holds tight. Alec blinks rapidly and glances to Magnus’s face, meeting golden eyes, heavy with exhaustion.

“Stay…”

It’s not quite a question, more of a plea. It startles Alec to realise that Magnus is afraid. He is scared of being alone. His is scared of Alec leaving him in his time of need.

Alec nods, heat stinging his eyes. “I’m staying. It’s okay.”

Magnus gazes up at him a moment longer, something soft in his eyes, _fond_ , and Alec forces a light smile, just doing whatever he can at this point. It makes his heart jolt to his throat when Magnus’s eyes close. _No, not again_ , Alec’s thoughts scream at him.

“Magnus,” Alec says, struggles to keep the urgency from his tone, fights back a sigh of relief when Magnus’s eyes open again and gaze up at him expectantly. Alec swallows hard, clutches Magnus’s hand tighter. “I love you.”

Magnus blinks slow and steady, a light smile touching his expression as he lifts a feeble hand to cup Alec’s cheek. “Aka cinta kamu, Alexander.”

“What does that mean?” asks Alec, fighting the tremor back from his voice.

“It’s Indonesian. It means ‘I love you’.” Magnus blinks up at him, a soft smile tilting his lips as he lets his hand come back to Alec’s. “Can we just be normal now…? I just… I want to get a house somewhere quaint and beautiful and… and quiet. I want a garden… I want _you_.”

“We can have all of that,” promises Alec, smiling softly. “We deserve it, right? We deserve a quiet life after everything that’s happened.” He ran his free hand into Magnus’s hair. “Rest now, okay? I’m gonna be here when you wake up. We can sort everything out then.”

Magnus falls back asleep easily. When he’s unconscious again, Alec feels his forehead, feels that the heat has expired somewhat. Magnus had survived the night. The fever is breaking. He is resting again. _He’s going to be okay_ , Alec thinks, calming a little for the first time in so many hours.

Magnus will wake late in the morning the next day. Alec will be beside him when he does.

Now, Alec’s vigil continues. He sits and keeps Magnus’s hand in his own, holds him through the last hours of the fading fever. When Alec is sure it has broken, when the searing heat calms and the sweat makes no attempt at return, Alec sets the cloth to the bedside table and swings his legs up onto the mattress.

His head rests hesitantly on the pillows, his eyes fixed on Magnus’s side profile. Their hands remain joined between them. Alec does his best to keep his eyes open, to keep watching over his boyfriend, but the fact that he hasn’t slept for almost two days is catching up with him. His eyelids droop, growing heavier by the minute.

In a desperate need for contact, Alec’s hand tightens faintly upon Magnus’s own, trying to use Magnus to ground himself, to force the darkness away. He promised he would stay. The pillows shift and Alec forces his eyes open a little more to see Magnus turn his head to face him.

He squeezes back on Alec’s hand.

Neither of them speaks. They don’t have to. Magnus knows Alec is with him and that he isn’t going anywhere. Alec knows that Magnus will be safe with him, knows he will do anything to keep his boyfriend from harm. Sleeping doesn’t mean he is leaving. He is staying right here.

They drift back to unconsciousness together, the midday sun hidden behind thick curtains so it could not disturb their rest. The soft sound of slow breathing is nothing more than a whisper in the darkened room. They are together. They are safe.

In his sleep, Alec holds tighter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, thank you all so much for motivating me to the end. I will hopefully see you in the epilogue!


	17. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ten years later, we take a final look at Magnus and Alec's life.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the final time, a HUGE thank you to everyone who left kudos, and especially to my commenters on the last chapter: @Vanemdq, @jillyfae, @Lovemalec, @silvergirl1029, @lawsofchaos, @Sandylee007, @ilovemanicures, @master_girl.
> 
> I really can't articulate just how much hearing your thoughts throughout the duration of this story meant to me, and how much motivation it gave me to finish the story. Honestly, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

It is summer in Maine and the sun reflects off the water and shines clear through the windows of the house overlooking the bay.

In that house, as of ten years, live a family of four. Two fathers and their boys. Their home is in Rockport, and it was originally paid for by Magnus’s extortionate savings, but now Alec keeps them comfortably afloat with the money he gets from directing. As much as he had tried, Alec couldn’t get Magnus to move further away from Brooklyn. He supposes that upside of eleven hours had to do. Besides, he had always wanted to go to Maine.

Their house comes with three acres of land for their sons to rampage over. Alec had to put up a fence to stop them from scrambling down the hill and straight into the bay, but it had done very little to deter them. If anything, it had made them more determined.

Alec and Magnus had been married on the shore of that bay, soon before they adopted their first child. It was a quiet ceremony conducted by Magnus’s friend, Jem. A small gathering of Magnus’s close friends and Alec’s immediate family—minus his father, of course—stood on the beach to witness the ceremony. His mother had tears in her eyes as they said their vows. They had kissed softly, chastely, and Alec had never been happier.

That first kiss as husbands, the first time his eldest had called him ‘dad’, and the first time he had held his youngest in his arms. Alec’s top three moments would never change.

Their first and eldest son is ten now, a Hispanic boy of few words that they had adopted as a toddler, barely two months after their wedding. He had refused a name from the orphanage, but was happy for his new fathers to give him one. They called him Rafael, an alternate spelling of the name of the man who had saved Magnus’s life. Even in Raphael can never see him out of fear for their safety, Magnus sends him emails from time to time, attaches pictures of their boys so Raphael can, at least somewhat, be a part of their lives.

Their youngest, Max, is almost seven and he is the spitting image of Alec: a messy mop of black hair and big eyes of dark hazel. He has Lightwood-Bane blood, with Isabelle as their surrogate and Magnus as the donor. Alec’s sister had lived with them over a year around the time he was born, so she was practically Rafael’s mother too. In all technicality, she is their godmother as well as their aunt.

They all speak three languages fluently in the home; English for Alec and Max, Spanish for Rafael, and Indonesian for Magnus. Alec had picked up the languages surprisingly quick. Of course, he had little choice if he wanted to know what his husband and son were talking about. Rafael had only known Spanish when they had adopted him. Luckily, Magnus was fluent.

Magnus is a stay-at-home dad—looking after their boys is a full-time job—but Alec himself is practically famous by this point. He gives the public nothing of his home life—nothing but his name to stick in the credits of his films. He is a mystery to the world of film and he is determined to keep it that way. He keeps to himself; he keeps Magnus and their boys out of the spotlight. They are safe.

The past is behind them.

The only physical element to remind them of that are the scars on Magnus’s body, the bullet he took from Alec’s would-be assassin, the blade from Lorenzo. As troubling as the shot in his abdomen was initially, it’s the blade through his shoulder that gives him the most trouble. It had healed badly.

Sometimes Alec wakes to find Magnus curled up beside him after sleeping wrong on his shoulder. He is often in so much pain that he can barely move. When this happens, Alec will gently prise his hands from where they clutch his shoulder and press his fingers against the scarred flesh, lightly at first and easing harder, loosening the tightly wound muscles.

It is one early Sunday morning when this happens and Magnus has his face halfway into the pillow as Alec gently massages a soothing gel into his shoulder. Magnus grunts as Alec pushes the pads of his fingers into the mottled skin of the old injury.

“I’m sorry,” Alec apologises softly, his free hand moving through Magnus’s hair. “It’s just a little more. It’ll feel better in a moment. I can call Cat for another prescription if this one isn’t working.”

“No,” Magnus utters, reaching back to clutch Alec’s wrist. “No, baby, it hasn’t been long. She said it would take a week or two for me to properly feel the effects of the new one.”

Alec’s expression twists in concern, but he says nothing.

Catarina is their doctor. She had a past with Magnus’s organisation, but she got out, just as Magnus had. Now, she provided Magnus with off-the-records medical care in order to protect him from discovery. Alec and their sons were permitted to visit local doctors if they needed to.

Magnus insisted it was still safer for him to be in hiding, so Catarina prescribed him rub-in gels for his old injuries, medication to control his pain and more for his PTSD symptoms. There always seems to be too many prescription bottles labelled _M. Lightwood-Bane_ around the house.

Magnus hums and squeezes Alec’s wrist. “I’m okay,” he murmurs and sits up with help from his husband. “I’m okay, my love. It doesn’t hurt so much now.”

“Take your pills anyway,” Alec orders, running a gentle hand down Magnus’s arm when he glances away. “Sweetheart, please… you’re in pain.”

Magnus looks as though he might argue, but there’s noise from outside the bedroom, muffled laughter from the living room, and he just sighs and pinches the bridge of his nose. “Okay,” he murmurs, lifting his gaze to Alec’s. “Keep the boys outside. I don’t want them to see me like this.”

Alec nods softly, kisses the side of Magnus’s head, resting his forehead in place of his lips when Magnus leans into him. “Take your time, okay? We’re not going anywhere.”

Magnus nods, lifts his head into the kiss Alec leaves on his lips before slipping out of the room, closing the door behind him to give his husband some privacy in which to take his medication.

As he turns, he sees his sons on stools in the kitchen. They seem to be prodding at something in the waffle iron. They are arguing in Spanish. All the arguments in this house take place in Spanish, Alec realises. It’s just a good language to articulate in.

“What are you up to over there?” he asks, shifting a hurried step forward as his voice makes Max _jump_ down from the stool. “Careful!”

Max barely takes notice.

“Daddy!” he squeals excitedly, running barefoot across the carpet with his brother close behind. “Happy Dad’s Day!”

 _So, they_ did _remember,_ Alec thinks fondly. He crouches for his sons to run into his arms, switching to one knee when the force of Max colliding with his chest almost knocks him over. He wraps his arms around them, kissing each of their heads in turn.

“Happy Father’s Day, dad,” Rafael murmurs, more subdued than his little brother, but equally as genuine.

Alec smiles softly. “Gracias, mis hijos.”

Despite their main language being English around the house, Magnus always slips into Indonesian when he gets sentimental or emotional. Alec has picked up his habits over the years, switching languages to express his love or his irritation. It’s almost always love.

“Where’s ayah?” asks Max abruptly, the first to squirm his way from the hug.

Alec and Magnus had agreed long before they adopted Rafael that they would somehow need to differentiate between the two of them. It was decided that Alec would be ‘dad’ and Magnus would use the Indonesian ‘ayah’. The boys had grown up with it, so it was natural.

Rafael nudges his little brother and hisses a chastisement in Spanish. “Dios mío, Max! You know ayah isn’t well.”

“Is he sick again?” Max asks, his eyes round with worry now.

Alec shakes his head, lifts a hand to stroke into Max’s unruly hair. “No, sweetie, ayah’s fine. He’s just a little sore this morning. It’s nothing to worry about, okay?”

“Is he well enough for us to see him?” queries Rafael. “We were going to bring in breakfast for you…”

Alec stifles a wince, guilty to have ruined their surprise. ‘Breakfast’ must be whatever they were poking at in the waffle iron. Alec hopes it’s at least _something_ reminiscent to a waffle. “Let me check on him, okay?”

He goes to the kitchen first, casting a glance into the waffle iron as he takes Magnus’s mug from the counter. Whatever’s in there, it doesn’t look like a waffle. Alec makes Magnus’s coffee almost robotically. _Coffee,_ Alec thinks, froths up the surface of the liquid. _One sugar;_ he adds a teaspoon of sugar from the pot upon the counter. _Double cream_ ; he heaps two generous spoonful’s of cream from a cup in the fridge, angling the mug against the counter to create a pattern upon the surface.

Turning back to the bedroom, he ruffles Max’s dark hair as his son ushers him away, opening the door it just enough to poke his head in. Magnus is sat up on pillows leaned against the headboard, sipping his water. He tilts his head at Alec, a smile lifting the corner of his mouth, halfway between amusement and confusion.

“Max and Rafe have made us breakfast,” he says and Magnus chuckles softly. Alec’s heart still warms at the sight of his smile.

“Well, we’d better not keep them waiting.”

“Oh, no, apparently they’re coming to us,” says Alec, waving Magnus down when he moves to get out of bed. He cranes his head back out the door. “Ready when you are, boys.”

There is scuffling from outside and Alec calls a warning for them to be careful, knowing that they were probably scrambling for plates. Alec wanders to Magnus’s side of the bed, gives him his coffee and rests a gentle hand to the back of Magnus’s head when his husband smiles at the heart design Alec has left in the froth.

“You still have your barista touch, I see,” he says and Alec quirks him a soft smile in return.

“We all have our needless skills,” Alec chuckles.

It’s gotten to the point where he almost forgets he was ever a barista, that he was ever unhappy where he worked or how his life was going. It’s been thirteen years. The three years before they came here and adopted Rafael, Alec and Magnus had properly rekindled their love, taking it slower than last time, spilling all their secrets out in a slow trickle over that time.

Those three years were difficult. Alec had to comfort Magnus through nightmare after nightmare; they always got worse when Magnus told Alec something significant about his past, something dark and detailed and Magnus would wake the following night with tears or screams.

Alec had stayed, just like he promised. He had made Isabelle take him shopping for a ring, made Jace promise to be his best man should it all go well, and sunk down to one knee before the man he loved on the beach of a small island in Indonesia. It was the first time Magnus had been back since his mother died. Alec was determined to get him associating his country of birth with a better memory.

The sun was a blazing half-circle upon the horizon, setting the sea alight with fire, and Magnus had thrown himself at his proposing boyfriend, hugging and kissing him with such force that he toppled them both over into the soft sand.

Now, the engagement ring glints on Magnus’s finger, a slim band of gold with studs of diamonds embedded in a short line upon the surface. It sits above his wedding ring, a thicker, shining gold with the words ‘ _aka cinta kamu’_ etched on the inside. Alec sits back on his side of the bed, taking Magnus’s hand and pressing a soft kiss to the rings.

Max and Rafael hurry in, each holding a plate. Max jumps up at Alec, scrambling onto his side of the bed and presenting the plate like it was a medal of honour. At best, it was half a mishappen waffle, burned at one edge and partially raw on the other. There was a whole strawberry—leaves included—and a dollop of cream to top it all off.

“Terima kasih,” Alec murmurs, thanking his son in Indonesian, leaning forward to take the plate and press a kiss to Max’s forehead.

Max grins and crawls to Magnus, throws his arms around him to wish him a ‘happy daddy’s day’. Magnus kisses his temple, running a hand into his hair. Rafael watches his ayah anxiously, his gaze flitting to the orange prescription bottle on the bedside table and lingering there.

Clearly noticing, Magnus reaches to lay a hand over his son’s arm. “Rafe, do you want to say something?”

Rafael looks up at him, his eyes narrowing in anxiety. “Dad said it’s a bad morning.”

Clicking his tongue, Magnus runs his hand down Rafael’s arm. “You don’t need to worry about that, sweetpea. I know it seems bad because I have a lot of these bottles—” he gestures absently to his pills “—but they’re helping me, okay? I’m not hurting anymore.”

Rafael stares at him a long moment, nodding his acceptance finally.

They eat their breakfast in bed—it surprisingly isn’t terrible—and get up to give the boys their respective breakfasts: jam and toast for Rafael and Lucky Charms for Max. As their sons eat, Magnus and Alec retire to their room to get dressed. It’s a dress-down day: Alec in black jeans and a long-sleeved, dark green t-shirt, and Magnus in dark leggings and a white vest top with a long-tailed, black and white patterned cardigan to complete the look.

Alec watches Magnus sit at the dresser to do his makeup, dropping a kiss to the top of his head when he finishes lining his eyes. “You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs, smiling when Magnus tilts his head back to give Alec and upside-down kiss.

The boy’s barge in to cut short their moment. Alec is more than happy to be dragged outside by Max. Magnus sets a gentle hand to Rafael’s shoulder as the boy waits for him to stand before leading him after his father and brother. Magnus smiles absently as he sits in his chair on the patio, watching his husband chase their boys around the backyard.

“Ayah!” Max calls out to him, giggling as he darts away from Alec trying to tag him, coming to clutch Magnus’s knee. “Ayah, come play!”

They spend all day in the garden. Alec lets Rafael win at football, tumbles with him on the lawn when a tackle becomes more of a scuffle than an actual game of football. Magnus tells Max the names of all the flowers, ensures that he admires the bumblebee that lands on the buddleia they are inspecting, ensures that he is taught to appreciate and respect animals rather than fear them.

They eat dinner out on the patio as the sun hangs low in the sky. When they finish eating, Max and Rafael each present them with a Father’s Day card. Rafael’s is for Alec, sweet and simple and decorated with pressed flowers. Max’s is for Magnus, covered corner or corner in multi-coloured glitter with a hand-drawn depiction of their family inside under a message in interchanging colours of crayon.

Alec and Magnus do the dishes, Magnus washes while Alec dries. The boys watch cartoons for a bit before bedtime. Rafael comments dryly on the logic. Magnus smiles over at Alec, reminded so forcefully of his husband by their eldest sometimes. His smile lights up the room. For a moment, Alec forgets that they’re getting older.

When it’s almost time for the boys to be sleeping, Alec tucks Max into bed, sits beside him to read from of _The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe_ , a book fraying at the corners and dogeared so many times that the pages barely match up. Alec reads him a chapter every night.

He had done the same with Rafael when he was Max’s age, letting them pick out a book and reading every night until it was done or until they grew bored of it. It was a good technique to discover their preferred genres. While Max preferred wide worlds of fantasy, Rafael was much more partial to eerie and somewhat unsettling stories.

Magnus goes to Rafael’s room, listens to him read aloud from his pristine copy of _Coraline_. Rafael likes to read out loud to them, developing his reading and speaking skills simultaneously. He sometimes refuses to read at all unless he can read out to someone.

When he finishes the chapter, Magnus tucks him in and kisses him goodnight, flicks the light off as he exits the room. He leaves the door ajar like Rafael has it every night. He doesn’t like the idea of being alone. He is much like Magnus in that way.

Walking across the hall to Max’s room, he passes Alec and they exchange a quick cheek kiss as they swap rooms. In his youngest son’s room, Magnus runs a hand into Max’s tousled hair, smiling softly and kissing his temple as the boy mumbles his goodnights.

Alec and Magnus reconvene in their bedroom. Magnus reads for a while as Alec takes a shower in their en suite. He slides his bookmark in to save his place when the shower stops, takes a pill with a gulp of water and shifts himself to lie on his side, his head pressing into the pillows.

The boys are sleeping soundly in their respective rooms. The bathroom door opens, illuminating the room with a brief light, before the switch flicks to throw darkness down again. Alec slides into their double bed, rolling up behind Magnus and draping an arm around his waist.

“I love you so much,” he murmurs sleepily, pressing a kiss behind his husband’s ear.

Magnus turns his head back slightly so Alec can hear him better, breathing warmth against his cheek. “I love you too, Alexander.”

Alec’s breaths ease as he relaxes into the mattress, dark hair mussed against the pillows. He curls himself closer to Magnus, holding him safe and secure and listening to his breathing become slower and deeper as he succumbs to the warmth and the dark. Moonlight smatters the floor beneath the closed curtains. The house sleeps.

Everything is quiet.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much if you stuck with it this far.  
> I will be back shortly with a brand new story, so keep an eye out if you're interested!

**Author's Note:**

> Yay?? This is my first one using present tense so please do let me know if you spot any inconsistencies. I gotta get better at this.
> 
> Let me know what ya'll think. I'm insecure.


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